Spitting in anger

[Blue Aurora]

Oh. My. I can not deal with this. DS (3yrs 3 months) has started spitting on us in anger. How do I handle this? What do I do?

[Marsha]

My dd (5) still does it, and what is worse, has taught it to her two year old. We treat it like hitting, she has to go to her room to calm down and then owes us an apology. I hope other people have better suggestions.
But it is infuraiting, degrading, and pushes my buttons.

[ArmsOfLove]

realize that he's, quite literally, spitting mad! and then remember that anger is a secondary emotion and try to figure out what is fueling it. Is he frustrated? Disappointed? Sad? Anxious? How can you address those emotions and help him learn better expressions and coping skills? What can he do instead? Redirect him to those things.

[Blue Aurora]

So *WHAT* can he do instead? I have no idea how to teach him to appropriately deal with negative stuff (I'm just learning how do it myself :doh)

Specific scenarios:
He took a toy from his brother, I told him to give it back or I would help him and it would be his turn in a minute. He gave the toy back and spit on him.

We went to the mall to by him more undies from gymboree. This is a *very* fun trip for him and usually we eat at chilis afterwards. Well we ended up eating in the mall but he didn't realize that meant instead of chillis so when we left and we walked by chillis he went crazy. Kicking, hitting, screaming and spitting. *I know this was disappointment. I empathized with him and ignored the meltdown and he calmed down.*

[Marsha]

My dd only spits when she's in a meltdown. Hence teh sending to her room for calming down. We;ve learned through trial and error that the only way out of those is through them, so we just have rules about where you can meltdown if that makes sense.

Can you teach him to stomp his feet? Say *that makes me mad*.