CAn we talk about manners?

[ServingGod]

We are having a problem. Mainly it is my 7yo...my 5yo is ok...most of the time. Our BIG HUGE problem is contant interrupting, not being able to wait to say something, even when asked to wait...the child still keeps talking. :doh Today I took Gwen and the boys to the ballet studio to sign her up for class. My 7yo was ALL OVER THE PLACE. He could not sit still or just SIT as asked, kept getting into everything, kept talking. The child was like a tornado. I would tell him I needed him to sit and be quiet so we could finish, and wouldnt take long. He would sit for 15 seconds and then the torrent of talking would continue.

HOW do you teach a very active, talkative, 7yo that there are appropriate places for certain behaviors, and actually have them DO it?
We have been working on this for 2 yrs now...by discussing, setting expectations, modeling, role playing. Im finding it very rude, and need him to stop doing it. Im not expecting him to sit ram rod straight, hands in his lap for an hour...Im just asking for FIVE minutes. I have tried bringing him things to do, but he loses interest in 1 second.

Im worried about the half hour we have to be at her ballet class, and am hoping he wont be a huge distraction. We will be in another room...but he is like a ping pong ball, and half the time he doesnt seem to hear me.

[ArmsOfLove]

first, with interrupting, I work on teaching the script "excuse me" and if they interrupt me I stop and say, "Excuse me" or "Try again." Sometimes I hold up a finger to indicate I hear them and am not going to allow them to interrupt me and they can wait :shrug

As for the moving--7 is a little old to have that much big energy but not totally out of line. I would provide a way to get that big energy out *before* asking him to sit there. And if he has something to do that should help a lot.

[ServingGod]

Ok...but what about when I do give him something to do...and he wont do it, and wont stay still. I am starting to find his energy level a bit exasperating. He is going going going all day. He plays outside, rides his bike, will be taking martial arts, swimming and sports. I do the excuse me, try again, hold up the finger thing...and ignore him, but its like he cant contain himself. I ahve told him he cant interrupt me unless there is vomit or blood. When he is especially persistant, I ask him if its an emergency and he will say "Yes...did you know that in Star Wars...." :/
The other thing...is sometimes its as if he does not hear me...and I will put a hand on his shoulder to get his attention, and he pushes it away, and keeps going. He is a very focused, intent little guy...and I want to direct that towards good, and get some self discipline in there.
THis was all ok at 5...not as ok at 6...but at 7....its just not ok for me...at this level. Plus, it REALLY bothers other adults Im trying to speak with and they get exasperated with me. On our way out of registering for the class...this woman was so patient...she engaged him and had him help her...but as we were leaving she said "Now, honey, make sure you always behave for your mama" :blush I wasnt upset that she said that...she is a very grandmotherly gentle woman...but I was so embarrassed at how he DID behave.

[milkmommy]

Has he been diagnoised for anything? He does sound intense :hug2

Deanna

[ServingGod]

He is definitely intense...he is like his father. :giggle Evidently dh was the same way when he was little. Dh tells me that I need to stay firm with him, understand that he is a boy and can be wiggly..and accomodate that a bit without getting so aggravated.
The only place he consistently behaves accordingly...is at Church..and that is 2 hours...and we are Orthodox, so it is very Liturgical and half in Greek. (how is THAT for a run on sentence!) In there the child is calm, he stands, he sits, he prays, he even stays in there nicely by himself when we take our 5yo and 3yo out because that is the one place I can count on them to NOT be calm. :giggle

One day I was at wits end with him, and saw my Priest's wife...she hugged me and I just started crying. She told me that Im doing ok...and God made my son to be who he is. I need to take that persistance and energy and help him turn it into something wonderful...and stay firm. Her oldest is the same way.

Dh is not keen on getting him evaluated...and tbh it is a top reason we homeschool him. I know his limits and can help him increase them. But, it is the very same reason I wind up with so much doubt about homeschooling him sometimes.

Im getting off topic now.

[ArmsOfLove]

He sounds like my ds with autism. Especially thinking telling me something about Star Wars constitutes an emergency ;)

[milkmommy]

Getting him evulated just allows you to know what you may be dealing with. :shrug Maybe its just hes an intense 7 year old maybe there is some organic issues. If it is organic he will need some help (diet rountiunue ect) to help. Does he react to artificial lights? I notice mine goes totaly wacko if exposed to the flickering flourcent lights too long. Shes calm at home in Church ins school ect because the lights are kept low. Places though like the bank certain groccery stores/ out lit malls she can go nuttso. :O :giggle. Just wondered since he does well in Church.
Deanna

[loveberry]

I started looking Alex in the eye, then in my very firm edging on mean voice asking, “Is there a fire? Do you need to go to the hospital? No? Then what do you need to do?” And then he waits or just goes away to do something else.

It works ok but I repeat it at least once a week so I think it just takes time and persistence. It also seems to help that at other times I ask for his stories and ideas.

As far as the energy, that’s Alex, too. In any situation where I need quiet cooperation for longer than 5 minutes I bring a gameboy, a book, a pencil, a notebook, and two action figures. Generally that will keep him busy (with occasional reminders to quiet down).

[ladymama]

What works for my kids, as far as interrupting is having them touch my arm or shoulder. Sapphire is an extreme interrupter and very excitable/impatient, and I like to read and have trouble shifting gears when I'm in the middle of something. I *hate* interruptions. They place their hand on me so I will know they want my attention, and as soon as they can have my full attention, I respond. It took a few practice runs and I have to be careful to give them my attention as soon as I can mark my place or finish the *immediate* thing I am doing, but they caught on pretty well. This gives both of us satisfaction, as I don't hear "mommy..mom mom MOMOMOMOMOMMOM!!!" (which...duh...makes me crazy!) and the kids know that I know they want me, and will have me within a minute or so.

[Whisperlily]

Reading everything you wrote I was thinking about my son who has ADHD... until I read this part.



The only place he consistently behaves accordingly...is at Church..and that is 2 hours...and we are Orthodox, so it is very Liturgical and half in Greek. (how is THAT for a run on sentence!) In there the child is calm, he stands, he sits, he prays, he even stays in there nicely by himself when we take our 5yo and 3yo out because that is the one place I can count on them to NOT be calm. :giggle



My son cannot selectively choose to sit still, no matter what the consequences are, or where he is. Until we got help for him, he would squirm and bounce and wiggle and tap, and hang down in church... until he realized what he was doing. Then he would get a pained/frustrated look on his face and I could tell he felt terribly guilty. He'd sit still for about 30 seconds maximum before he was squirming and bouncing and wiggling again. It was horrible to watch him. He was old enough to know what the expectations were, and smart enough to recognize that he wasn't supposed to be doing what he was doing, but was *unable* to do what his brain was telling him was the right thing to do.

If there are times when he can sit still and focus... especially for 2-3 hours... you've probably just got an active boy. My ADHDer can focus on one thing for a while (he can build with legos for hours, or watch a movie) but even though he's engaged in what he's doing, his body won't sit still. He's watching the movie upside down, then right side up, then on his head, then wiggling his knees, then squatting, then bouncing... all while his mind is still following the movie. Same with Legos. He lays, sits, bounces, hangs off of things while building with them.

The hardest thing for me to see was that from about age 7, he *knew* what the appropriate behavior was in a given situation, but was unable to control himself. He's so impulsive, his hands just reach out and touch things before his brain catches up and says... wait! Don't touch! I don't have to say a word about it, but he's telling me... "Oh, no! I wasn't supposed to touch that, was I Mom? I'm trying to hold still! I don't deserve to do X, because I wasn't supposed to do Y." He felt so heavy with guilt over breaking the rules that he was starting to have problems with self-esteem.

Finally, after we got help for him... after 4 years of trying natural methods we decided to use meds... he is finally free to be himself. It's amazing. And he never lost his *love* of bouncing and activity. He does NOT seem "drugged." Now it's a choice rather than a compulsion. He can stop for a little while if he needs to. Of course being a typical bouncy boy, he likes to go back to bouncing, but he isn't ruled by impulsive/compulsive movement.

I guess I'm trying to give you some perspective. If you think your son is unable to hold still and sincerely is being "ruled" by his activity, it might be worth getting some help in whatever way you feel is best. But if you truly feel like he's just an active child and he CAN hold still when it's really important, then just keep talking to him about appropriate and inappropriate places to be active.

Bouncy Boys. Gotta love 'em! :heart

[Marsha]

I'm curious about the interrupitng thing, because my 5 yo is HORRIBLe about this!!! The MINUTE I start talking, she comes up and starts climbing under my arm and talking to me. If I give her a dirty look , she starts lowering her voice and/or getting up in your ear and whispering. It's every bit as annoying. Or she'll start talking real loud with one of her fantasy scenarios, standing right next to you, but if you call her on it, she was't talking to you, oh no, she was talking to whoever she is imaganing.