Rewarding good behavior?

[Victorious]

I just pulled out my old copy of "Love and Limits" (I used to use it when I worked with parents with discipline troubles,never thought I would need it :blush). Anyway, a lot of it goes along with what I've read on GBD and I think even one of the author's other books is recommended on this site (Elizabeth Crary). I"m just wondering about her positive reinforcement recommendations. I haven't really seen anything mentioned either way on here so I'm curious. Does giving a reward (stickers, hugs, special trips) for good behavior fall in line with this mind-set of parenting?

[ArmsOfLove]

it's not that there isn't a place for it in an otherwise totally GBD home, but, for example, we use sticker charts to change habits and the sticker is the fun and the changed habit is the reward :heart My belief is that good behavior is the expected standard. I don't believe in rewarding people for expected behavior :shrug I appreciate it, and thank them for it :)

Mostly I want them to not be externally motivated and to not think that *good* is a high standard

[milkmommy]

I think there is just some real reality truth in this. We have used say a sticker chart or marble jar ect to help teach a new skill or behavior its used just long enough to help visualize the change and is dropped as the skill is learned.
There is also the reality that I'm willing to do more when behavior is good. Good behavior is what cause me to say Hey lets go out for an icecream cone or what makes me willing to walk that extra block to the cool park and what gives me energy to stay an extra hour. I have no issues telling my child you are behaving I really appreciate how you ...XXY so well would you like to stop at dairyqueen on the way home for a cone? HAving to chase her down deal with screaming and overall icky behavior (age appropiate or not) just doesn't lend it self to extra 'rewards"

Deanna

[loveberry]

I think these things are usually already intrinsically related. You keep your things picked up, I am more willing to get that new transformer you want. You behave like someone I want to be around and am comfortable going in public with, we'll hit the science center and other fun places. You display an ability to cope with a sugar high, you can have a donut once in a while.

I guess I don't usually feel like I have to set up rewards because the positive and negative reinforcement is inherent in our lifestyle, if that makes sense. :)

[OpalsMom]

I don't reward good behavior, but I may say something like "You remembered to stop at the corner! You've really been working on that, and it helps a lot. Now I can let you go ahead more often." or "Wow! You got ready for bed all by yourself! We have time for an extra book, I think."

Or even "When we're done with this, you can have a peppermint." We took part in a language-learning experiment, and DD was so over some parts of it that it was hard to get her to cooperate. The experimenter and I ended up using all kinds of bribery, including "When the slides are done you can have a peppermint." Note that I didn't even offer a "if you're good" or anything; I just told her that there would be a treat at the end, full stop. She sat still and paid attention for the full remaining 30 seconds. :shrug For the rest of the stuff, we did a straightforward deal; answer a question, get a sticker. Every so often she got interested and went 2 or even 3 questions without demanding her sticker. I'm OK with this because frankly, there was nothing in it for her otherwise. I did it on vacation, too; this is what we're doing now. When we're done, we're going to have a peppermint/have an ice cream/go to a bookstore/see a dinosaur... Building in something for her to look forward to, although it wasn't a reward as such. And the peppermints are usually Tic-Tacs!

[illinoismommy]

I reward good behavior with a smile and a "you are doing a good job _______" :heart

[Earthylady]

I do like the first two posters do. I reward new changed behavior that I'd like to see more often. Once it becomes a norm then the stickers or rewards move on to some other new and changed improvement. Sometimes it's just used as a daily chart for things to get done before play time or something....like, x number of stickers needs earned before we watch a video, or something like that. I've used it lots of different ways. When we potty trained I used a sticker chart to put a sticker on for each potty celebration and once 10 were earned, she got an m&m. It helped to encourage the kind of behavior that I wanted to become standard and once it became a standard, the rewards stopped, (dd didn't even notice the rewards had stopped), but it worked for the purpose of what it was meant to do, and that was to encourage a positive change of behavior and make it something enjoyable and fun in the process, as well as something to strive for. Which I think we all need sometimes. Life is full of rewards that we all strive to achieve!

[SouthPaw]

I think these things are usually already intrinsically related. You keep your things picked up, I am more willing to get that new transformer you want. You behave like someone I want to be around and am comfortable going in public with, we'll hit the science center and other fun places. You display an ability to cope with a sugar high, you can have a donut once in a while.

I guess I don't usually feel like I have to set up rewards because the positive and negative reinforcement is inherent in our lifestyle, if that makes sense. :)


:yes