How do I stop them running away from me??!!!

[fairolivia]

I'm so frustrated by my boys running from me when I call them. :mad

I am trying not react in anger but it drives me crazy! Today they were called in to wash their hands for dinner. Ds1 obeyed (for once!) but ds2 (21/2 years old) said No! Stuck his tongue out and threw dirt at me. I stood their calmly and kept saying, "You need stop running and come inside. It is time for dinner." Dh was outside bbqing so we calmly cornered him and then I picked ds2 up and told him, " Look at my eyes. You need come when Mama calls you. Obey Mama. It is time to come inside now." I try to GOMYB parent but what do I do when they run away from me every time (ok not every but often!) I go to help them?
When ds1 (41/2) does something wrong (hits his brother, gets in the salt shaker or butter, begins to destroy or potentionally destroy something of my in-laws, craps his pants and doesn't tell me (oh yes these are regular things my 41/2 does!) and I find out he runs and hides! This makes me even more frustrated with him so I by the time I get him from behind the couch/under the bed I'm trying everything to keep it together so I can talk to him. I want him to know it's wrong. He is way to old for this behavior and I've told him a thousand times why it's wrong (unkind, unhealthy, unhygenic, etc.! I know I need to watch my voice and body language when talking to him. My mom always gave us the look when we got in trouble. It was very intimidating. And I fear I do that a lot. Is it a control issue??? These are pretty serious things they are doing, though, that can't continue.
I'm at a loss. I feel these days I swing from controling-angry-mom to foolish-push-over mom and I can't seem to get back in balance. On the other hand, we have a good relationship. We love being together-- being silly, snuggling, reading or wrestling. They love eachother too and play really well most of the time. Yet, they push the limits constantly, it's crazy. What do I do when they get so disobedient and getting off my butt to help makes it worse??? :shrug

[Close2MyHeart]

Be persistent and firm. Set the boundaries and enforce them every time. They will get that you are serious and they can't get away with it eventually. :)

[Mother of Sons]

Try only calling to them when it is for something good like a hug or a praise. If you need them to come inside or it's for something negative, don't call to them, just go to them, take their hand and say "we are going inside now" or whatever.

You won't have to do that forever, but I've found it works best to keep them from running away. It's a lot less effort to go to them first then it is to chase them down too.

[fairolivia]

GREAT idea, MotherofSons!!! I've thought of adding more positive requests but, never thought of only calling them for something good! :yes

Also, I tend to ask them to do something while I'm still doing something else. For instance, I ask them to get their shoes on while I'm still preparing snack. It sets us all up for failure because I know they are in the middle of playing and/or are too little to stay focused on the task. Then after they have disobeyed me, I have to go and take them by the hand and help them anyway. :doh

I know when I've done this in the past it works great! I just need to do it every time!

Thanks!

[ArmsOfLove]

I would also encourage you to check out Ames and Ilg's age appropriate books (they have a series Your One Year Old up to Your 10 Year Old--ignore their discipline stuff ;)) and you will see that these are totally age appropriate behaviors for children. they are just being children their ages :shrug

[fairolivia]

I will Crystal. So you really think these are age appropriate behaviors? :scratch It seems the case with my ds2. He is really playful and a lot easier to deal with but ds1 seems so extreme sometimes. And I guess he's what main dilemma is. I feel like, lately, I can't trust him to make right choices at all. I have to make sure he's not hungry so he won't freak out and attack his brother. I have to make sure he goes the bathroom in the toilet, and when he does I have to make sure he doesn't destroy the bar of soap while washing his hands or something else in the bathroom. In the kitchen I have to make sure he isn't sneaking any junk food, like tonight when he snook a can of coke and drank a few sips in the dark pantry then lied about it. It's like having a toddler again who gets into everything but one who knows how to lie to cover up what they've gotten into.

Even if this is age appropriate what do I??? :shrug I can deal with other issues like sharing and fighting, but the sneakiness then running away makes me nuts!

One thought I had is that maybe he is bored. :scratch He absolutely loves learning! He watches science and history teaching videos geared for 4th and 5th graders. He loves when I read grade school textbooks, nature guides or maps to him. We used to do a little circle time together in the morning he called "homeschool" but we haven't done it as much this summer. We still go to the library, science center and park often but maybe I need to have a bit more structure when we're at home.

Anyone else have a child like this???

[Katherine]

*raising hand* I have a 4 and a 5.5. yo and we are still dealing with some of the same issues... my oldest is *finally* getting better about running away :phew, and now my 4yo is really coming into it--I can *depend* on him running in certain situations. It's so frustrating. :hugheart

almost everything I was going to mention as solutions has been said... :yes

-- address food, excercise and sleep needs
-- increase supervision level... follow up on what you are telling them to do and don't issue instructions until you can "commit"
-- add positive things to your daily interactions with them (I'll elaborate on this a little and say that when I'm *involved* in what they are doing and draw them into my daily plan, things go better and I'm not always trying to pull them away from something else)
-- BOREDOM is the biggest enemy :yes

I think the way you handled it is fine. That's what I do.... Mine know that I'll come and get them calmly with as little drama as possible and that once I have to do that, they have lost the opportunity to do whatever-it-is without my help. My boys are pretty big for their ages, but I can still carry them if need be. :shifty They don't like it, though, and I don't either... having the option to do things on their own is a very motivating factor for them, and they are learning over time (if I'm consistent) that cooperating at the outset is the only way to excercise that option. (I implement this gradually... am more lenient and do "try agains" etc when they are younger... but there came a point when I could clearly see those extra chance were helping more than hurting, and my boys needed a firmer, clearer "line") Two things I repeat a lot are:

"You have one opportunity to do X on your own. Then I will help." (the first time I say it is the one chance--that's so hard to stick to, but I try)"
"Running is not safe. " or "You are not behaving safely when you run away."

I remind them of the 2nd thing, b/c I seriously consider running a safety issue. :/ If they are used to running from me at home, they will be more likely to do it elsewhere and get hurt/lost. When they do it in the house and I have to apprehend them, it's not uncommon for someone to get hurt. :( I've stubbed toes, fallen... they've done the same, or gotten upset b/c I "caught" them too hard, etc. :blush

If they run from me outside, their outside play time is immediately over. No second chances. Again.. safety issue. I do the same thing for going in the street or leaving our yard without permission. Running *because* it's time to come in is easier to address if I'm out playing with them a bit (pushing them on the swing), if I have something positive for them to transition to (drink or snack) and if I've made sure they've really gotten enough time to get their energy out.