Marsha
08-20-2007, 06:28 AM
I just want to say thank you. My 5 yo has been tough to deal with since birth. But I was very patient and gentle (perhaps coddling and enabling :( ) until she had a sister when she was 3.
Since then, I've struggled with the GBD thing.
And recently, we went through another really bad several months a nd in desperation, we started punitive measures. I didn't feel good about it because I knew there had to be underlying reasons, but at least I felt in control of something.
A few weeks ago, there were several threads on 5 year olds! So, it was nice to know mine wasn't the only one. And only after I read each and ever response on each and every thread, did I sort of "get it." In fact, I was having really big feelings, and would walk around all day mentally fuming and refuting and arguing with a thread (does anyone else do that?). I live in my head a lot.
But the past two weeks, I've seen how young my 5 yo really is. And how much she still needs my help. She really isn't capable of managing her big feelings by herself.......hers are REALLY big btw.
Sometimes hugging her and reflecting feeelings help; sometimes letting her go off and be angry helps; but no matter which way she chooses to get hold of herself, I try to let her know I love her and I don't hold a grudge about it, we move on. (Not holding a grudge is hard to do , by the way.)
Her outbursts have not lessened, so I don't want anyone to think this "works." I just feel more loving towards her while I maintain the boundary of respectful behavior unless you are in your room (becasue I feel like she should be allowed to throw things, say angry things in her own room) and more loving afterwards instead of put upon and sad and angry.
So thanks to all of you who have problems with your 5 year olds. I learned a lot LOL!
Since then, I've struggled with the GBD thing.
And recently, we went through another really bad several months a nd in desperation, we started punitive measures. I didn't feel good about it because I knew there had to be underlying reasons, but at least I felt in control of something.
A few weeks ago, there were several threads on 5 year olds! So, it was nice to know mine wasn't the only one. And only after I read each and ever response on each and every thread, did I sort of "get it." In fact, I was having really big feelings, and would walk around all day mentally fuming and refuting and arguing with a thread (does anyone else do that?). I live in my head a lot.
But the past two weeks, I've seen how young my 5 yo really is. And how much she still needs my help. She really isn't capable of managing her big feelings by herself.......hers are REALLY big btw.
Sometimes hugging her and reflecting feeelings help; sometimes letting her go off and be angry helps; but no matter which way she chooses to get hold of herself, I try to let her know I love her and I don't hold a grudge about it, we move on. (Not holding a grudge is hard to do , by the way.)
Her outbursts have not lessened, so I don't want anyone to think this "works." I just feel more loving towards her while I maintain the boundary of respectful behavior unless you are in your room (becasue I feel like she should be allowed to throw things, say angry things in her own room) and more loving afterwards instead of put upon and sad and angry.
So thanks to all of you who have problems with your 5 year olds. I learned a lot LOL!