AP and a connection to introverted children

[WanderingJuniper]

Ok I was thinking about this over the weekend. My oldest daughter was semi AP'd because that is what felt comfortable to us. We didn't know at the time that our decision to co-sleep, baby wear (or at least try to) among other things were considered AP. However, I had to go back to school when she was 2 months old so she was hauled around to different family members and friends to be cared for while I was at school and my husband was working. She has always been extremely extroverted. Now comes baby 2 and 3. They were both AP'd from birth. I was home with both of them almost all the time. My husband and I arranged our schedules for work so that we rarely used any kind of sitter for Bird. Pirate has always been home with me. Both Pirate and Bird are very attatched (a good thing) but they also get very wary of people and situations even if they know them and have been there before. It has taken 2 years for Pirate to stay with his grandparents without crying when I leave to have a girl's night or a date with my husband. Bird wouldn't cry but she would silently mope.

I guess my question is would this behavior be a result of being AP'd from birth or is it more likely to me something that is internal to their personality? :think Both Bird and Pirate have been GBD from birth as well versus Bear who was more punitively reacted to for the first few years. Any thoughts? Your experience?

[MarynMunchkins]

I think that being attached to parents is normal for 2 and 3, unless you've made a point of breaking that. Even kids who go to daycare everyday often cry about having to leave their mom everyday.

I'm not sure if you could tell if it was a direct result of parenting until later in life. :think

I know Banana and Bug had a really hard time leaving me at younger ages, but have loved school. I'd have to pry them off of me to go to work, but now they go without incident. :shrug

[railyuh]

I think personality is partly inherent or genetic and partly a result of environment and nurture.

That said, I do not think AP is more likely to make a child extroverted. We have been AP from the beginning, I've stayed home with DS from birth, he was never left with anyone aside from me or his dad until he was over a year, and even then it was only for an hour while I worked out at the gym, etc. And he's still young (18 months), but so far he is very outgoing and independent. He's comfortable around strangers, almost too comfortable for my own comfort. He is not fearful of public situations and is not afraid to wander from mom and dad (so we have to keep a close eye on him!), etc. I could go on and on about all the little ways that make me suspect he will be very extroverted and very much a people person.

In fact, I think it is partly his inherent personality and possibly the fact that he has a healthy attachment to his parents, which enables him to have healthy independence. He knows we are always there when he needs us so he's comfortable being on his own, knowing that he can come back to us whenever he wants. I really believe healthy attachment fosters healthy independence. That doesn't mean that kiddos who aren't as independent don't have a healthy attachment because every baby is different and do things at their own pace. I do think that little ones who have healthy attachment to their parents will most likely eventually learn healthy independence, for some it might come early because of personality factors and for others it might come when they are older children or even teenagers.

[kandykidsaturn]

i'm with railyuh. I think is is partly genetic and a result of environment.

When my daughter was 4 weeks old i had to go back to school, and she got shuffled around to different family members, mostly her aunt and my mom, because i dont like the idea of little babies being in day care, but she is fine. She is very extroverted and friendly! :)

[Katigre]

Well, we AP and we make sure DS spends regular time with other close family members (grandparents, aunts) - for his first year he spent time with them while we were there except for a few times the grandparents babysat. But now that he's over a year he does things with them without us and he is fine. We really encouraged his bonding with his grandparents and aunts and that has paid off in that he feels secure in relationship to them and loves being with them.

Do you spend time with other people and encourage your kids to bond with a few other adults? That makes a difference who they feel comfortable with i think. I don't think AP means that the infant is only encouraged to bond with mom to the exclusion of others (although mom is the primary bond), in The Vital Touch it said that it is ideal for a child to be bonded with 4-6 adults in his/her life.

[erinee]

Well, here's my anecdotal evidence to the contrary. ;) My dh & I are both very much introverts (and neither of us were AP'd by any means) with two extremely extroverted kids. Our oldest wasn't very much AP'd (not nursed, not worn, only co-slept for about 3 months, went to daycare the first 2 years of his life), although we were very attentive with him. The youngest was totally AP'd from birth (nursed until she was 4, co-slept to 3 1/2, worn in a sling, never went to daycare, etc.). Neither of them has ever known a stranger, very outgoing, very talkative with anyone who will listen. Neither ever went through a "clingy" phase at all -- I sometimes wished they would because it seemed like they didn't really need me very much, they would go to anyone who would take them. :lol (I know now that's not the case.) I see Zach withdrawing slightly as he gets older, but I think that's just maturing.

[milkmommy]

I'm an introvert although I wasn't raised purly AP nor extremely punitive I was protected I was a sickly child so was sheltred heavily a good part of my child hood. I was a very introverted and still fight extreme shyness however with in my own peers I relax and can be very open.

Dh grew up in a weird punitive controlling enviroment hes naturally introverted as well, hes overcome a lot of shyness (through force) but remains withdrawn overall even amoung peers a big reason why he has trouble finding work IMHO.

DD is by nature introverted in she needs down time to engerize BUT shes VERY secure on the surface she very much seems extroverted she tends to jump into leadership rolls shes not at all shy. SHe has been APed from day one.

Deanna

[HomeWithMyBabies]

I think personality has alot to do with it. I think age is a factor, too.

I'm an introvert by nature. I wasn't ap'd, but my punitive upbringing combined with my natural tendencies made one shy, anxious kid who had a terrible time functioning in social settings! I see my four year old as an introvert, too, but my hopes and prayers are that GBD will help me to foster in him all the good things about being an introvert and skip the self esteem and anxiety issues I dealt with.

[katiekind]

I AP'd three children, and have one strongly extroverted, one strongly introverted and one mild introverted. My extrovert was also the one who separated least easily as a young child, until he was about 4.5. After that it was Katie Bar the Door. :lol