Toy-taking

[Eowyn]

Ian and Henry are 20 months apart. Ian's newly 4, Henry's 2. They are currently thoroughly obsessed with the cars from the movie Cars. It's what they're playing with these days. Henry will occasionally swoop in and take a car Ian has just put down and is still playing with. What we do for those incidents is to have Ian ask for his toy back, and have Henry return it to him, or we help him do so, then they move on.

The bigger problem we're facing lately is that Ian is deciding that he wants cars Henry's playing with, and simply walks over and takes them or tackles Henry to get them. He pitches a royal fit when instructed to give it back (Henry asks for it back), and is basically big feelings about it all over the place.

We've tried divying up the cars before they start playing, and we should probably do that more often, but they like playing together, and before you know it, they've mixed them all and are fighting again.

We're most interested in preventing Ian from taking cars from his brother in the first place, but as I can't be 2 feet from them all day, some suggestions for what to do when it happens are also appreciated.

[Joanne]

I'd make playing with cars conditional upon appropriate play. At 4 (even newly), he can understand that means "no taking cars from his brother". A choice to take the cars and not return them is a choice to not play with them at all.

[illinoismommy]

:popcorn

[klpmommy]

We had a few toys that were clearly marked P or E on the bottom. The rest were community property. It helped some to have toys that were "mine" for both kids. But we also put toys in "toy jail" when they needed a break b/c the kids couldn't share them. For us the biggie was Thomas stuff- we had two of some trains so that both kids could have their own Thomas, etc. Most trains did not have a letter on the bottom, but there were two or three for each kiddo.

[Eowyn]

I'd make playing with cars conditional upon appropriate play. At 4 (even newly), he can understand that means "no taking cars from his brother". A choice to take the cars and not return them is a choice to not play with them at all.


So in that case, does that mean Ian specifically wouldn't be allowed to play with the cars, but I could have him go read a book or something else, while Henry continues the car play? :think

I have a friend who puts up toys when one takes it from the other and the one who had the toy taken gets upset and sqawks to get it back, but that seems to me to be unfair to the child whose toy was taken. That's different from what you're saying, right, Joanne?

[Bonnie]

And what if your 4.5 and your 2.5 both take toys from each other?... I know my 4.5 would *get* that consequence, but my 2.5 is in a reeeeeeally touchy phase right now and would totally melt down over that kind of boundary, thus making the whole day pretty much a wash. Redirection and mild intervention are helping with her right now, but I can see where the 4.5 would cry foul over the inequity of consequences... I know life isn't always (or even often) fair, but is there a way to address that?