MotherSong
08-06-2007, 05:19 AM
Hello,
and HELP!
Over the past year or so, my kids and I really found our "groove" and were getting along really well. We got to a point where our power struggles had almost ceased to be. It was wonderful! So wonderful, in fact, that we soon found ourselves expecting "blessing #3"
Then, summertime came. My husband, a school teacher, was home full-time. Meanwhile, in June, I took a part-time job for a month. Then I spent some time working on my dissertation, doing birth planning, nesting, cleaning closets--etc. Overall, I've relied on my husband's presence at home to allow me to "get things done" while sharing the childcare with him. And, over the course of the past couple months, we have completely lost our rhythm as a family.
I certainly don't want to complain. DH is a great dad. He's generally a very patient person. But I hear constant power struggles, threats, ultimatums...and lots of yelling and crying. DH has never been interested in reading about GBD or positive discipline...or anything along those lines. And it's hard to bring it up without sounding like I'm accusing or blaming him for my frustration. I barely have the hang of it myself. When things were going well, everything was SO easy--we just all got along, and I didn't have to really think about "five steps" or methods. I just asked, and my children listened, most of the time--and we ate regular meals, and took naps when we were tired, and got along well. Then, summer hit and now NO ONE listens to anyone else.
Obviously, things at home right now are NOT working. When I'm "in charge" now, the kids seem very manipulative, whiny, and angry. Since we haven't been together all day every day these past couple months (as we were used to being), I wonder if they are feeling really mad at me, or whether they feel abandoned by their Mom. At the same time, I do think it's important for me to be able to step back and give my DH a chance to spend one-on-one time with the kids, without having to "hover" and tell him how to interact with them.
So...any ideas? How can we get back to a place of cooperation?
BTW, this is URGENT because we're expecting a baby, due August 23 (which also happens to be the first day of school...) and I'm scared silly that we're going to have QUITE a transition going on here.
My kids are "Trinity" age 4.5 and "Bubble" age 2. "Buckyay" is due in two weeks.
Love,
MotherSong
and HELP!
Over the past year or so, my kids and I really found our "groove" and were getting along really well. We got to a point where our power struggles had almost ceased to be. It was wonderful! So wonderful, in fact, that we soon found ourselves expecting "blessing #3"
Then, summertime came. My husband, a school teacher, was home full-time. Meanwhile, in June, I took a part-time job for a month. Then I spent some time working on my dissertation, doing birth planning, nesting, cleaning closets--etc. Overall, I've relied on my husband's presence at home to allow me to "get things done" while sharing the childcare with him. And, over the course of the past couple months, we have completely lost our rhythm as a family.
I certainly don't want to complain. DH is a great dad. He's generally a very patient person. But I hear constant power struggles, threats, ultimatums...and lots of yelling and crying. DH has never been interested in reading about GBD or positive discipline...or anything along those lines. And it's hard to bring it up without sounding like I'm accusing or blaming him for my frustration. I barely have the hang of it myself. When things were going well, everything was SO easy--we just all got along, and I didn't have to really think about "five steps" or methods. I just asked, and my children listened, most of the time--and we ate regular meals, and took naps when we were tired, and got along well. Then, summer hit and now NO ONE listens to anyone else.
Obviously, things at home right now are NOT working. When I'm "in charge" now, the kids seem very manipulative, whiny, and angry. Since we haven't been together all day every day these past couple months (as we were used to being), I wonder if they are feeling really mad at me, or whether they feel abandoned by their Mom. At the same time, I do think it's important for me to be able to step back and give my DH a chance to spend one-on-one time with the kids, without having to "hover" and tell him how to interact with them.
So...any ideas? How can we get back to a place of cooperation?
BTW, this is URGENT because we're expecting a baby, due August 23 (which also happens to be the first day of school...) and I'm scared silly that we're going to have QUITE a transition going on here.
My kids are "Trinity" age 4.5 and "Bubble" age 2. "Buckyay" is due in two weeks.
Love,
MotherSong