How do you handle misbehavior if there is a known organic cause?

[klpmommy]

I have come to the conclusion that food dye (probably most likely red #40, but not sure) is a major trigger for P & causes Dr Jekyl/Mr Hyde behaviors in him. When he is having a dye reaction he is non compliant in places he is usually compliant, extremely angry & out of control. I know that some of my normal reactions to his misbehaviors don't work- normally I can playful parent him through a ton of stuff, but when he is reacting to food dye being playful makes him angrier. When he is being noncompliant normally I can use my body & bear hug him & he will relax into me, but when he is having a food dye reaction he fights against me majorly (kicking, hitting, spitting, trying to bite, etc).

Tonight after discovering that the benedryl he needed (some itchy rash, probably heat rash) had food dye in it (and after he had a flavor ice popsicle at church) he got very about a minor thing & threw his toothbrush across the bathroom. This is very unlike him. So how should I handle misbehavior when I know that there is an organic cause? Tonight I just ignored the thrown toothbrush & we moved onto the next step of bedtime (which didn't go much better :sigh ). But I just muddled through bedtime ignoring his misbehaviors as much as I could. But I am not sure if I did the right thing.

This really is new territory for me. Any help or advice is appreciated. Thank you!

[ArmsOfLove]

surviving and keeping him safe is exactly what you need to do. Think about how you would handle a friend who was drunk. The chemical reaction to an allergen is pretty much the same. There is no reasoning, there is no logic, there is no common sense, there is pure emotion and loss of control :(

[milkmommy]

I'd protect himself and others from harm set boundries on him being destructive to himself and others and be prepared to physically get involved to prevent it. (hugs taking him home ect) Its tough when there body is reacting to organic reasons suriving the innicent and trying "harder" to prevent it in the future.
Its not organic but my DD processing disorder affects her pottying. Instead of her saying Oh I need to pee she'll sometimes start doing things she would never otherwise. Over the summer my mom me and DD weent to a Mexican restraunt for a lunch. Cecilia was sitting doing just fine and dandy then all off a sudden picked up a handfull of chips and just threw them across the table onto the floor and see then reached for more... My gut reflect reaction was to grab her hand preventing her from throwing more and say. What ar you doing!?... and then it dawned on me. Cecilia Potty now come one and with a calm hand and voice but one of this is non negiotable I took her and sure enough pee city :giggle. My mom was just like :hunh and :giggle SHe said it NEVER would occured to her that she needed a bathroom.
Sadly my act of saying comeone bathroom when shes acted up has brought some eyes and looks wondering what horrible thing I'm doing to her but its just helping her cope to learn what her body needs. You'll do the same. :hugheart

Deanna

[Whisperlily]

I'm so thankful for my mother.  When I was about 2 or 3, they discovered that dairy did this to me.  I remember her telling me that my feelings were not my own, and that I was having a reaction to the milk/dairy.  It REALLY helped me to recognize when my feelings were normal, and when they were irrational.  I couldn't necessarily stop the feelings, but I could adjust my self-talk to think things through a little better.

My daughter has the same reaction, and if she has a meltdown I've been teaching her the same thing.  Pointing out that this is not her normal behavior, and that (and this is important) while her feelings are REAL, the amount of emotion they're expressing is being caused by the reaction.

Be very, very patient.  Those feelings DO feel SO real.  Treat your child like you'd want to be treated if you were having the worst case of PMS/pregnancy hormones/postpartum blues ever and you were overreacting to everything.  Make sure they know they are loved.  Make sure they know you're listening to their problem, or if the child is older, tell them that you'll be happy to discuss the problem in a few hours when you can both think calmly.

Don't put the child in a situation where you know they struggle during this time.  If it's close enough to bedtime send them to bed early. 

Remember they're under the influence...  this is not a time to give consequences, but to put them in a situation where they can settle down.  It takes time for it to get out of their system.

I know for me personally, just *knowing* I'm reacting to dairy can help me process the emotions/anger/tears/irrationality a little better.  The biggest help you can give your child is to teach them how to recognize that their feelings are out of control and that it's different than the way they think every day.  Down the road it will be a big relief to know this, and will prevent a lot of heartache.

[klpmommy]

Thank you so much. I have never been around a drunk other than my parents, but I have been around dh when he is on sedatives for dental work & that is probably a similar feeling (although he cracks me up when he is like that :rolleyes ).

I am definately seeing the aftermath today from yesterday's food dye. It amazes me how I never made the connection before and now it is just *so* obvious.

I found dye free benedryl & motrin at the store this morning. So that is a good thing.

I did talk to P this morning about feeling out of control. That really seemed to click with him. Although then he started to blame red dye for everything under the sun. :giggle

[PurpleButterfly]

We have always guided ds to a new "location" when he's in the throes of food dye sensitivity. Somehow, moving to a new setting, outside or another room or leaving to go to the calm car/home, really helps soothe him. I always tell him as soon as I realize there's food dye involved in his behavior, too. "We didn't know it was in there, but you ate food dye. Can you tell by the way you're feeling and acting?" Then, "Let us help you, we'll go home and relax together with Play-doh" or "Let Mama help you, sit with me for a few minutes over here", or whatever will work in that situation.

I've taught him deep breathing exercises (just simple in through the nose, out thru the mouth, five times repeated, but when we blow the air out, we do a "whoo whoo whooooooooooooooooo", like birth breathing sometimes).

The most important thing we've done, though, IMO, is teach him to read labels and ask questions about food being served to him. He has turned down many things, entirely on his own, because he doesn't want to put food dye into his body, since he knows how terrible it's going to make him feel. He has no problem telling people he doesn't eat food dye and asking for something different or waiting til he gets home for a safe treat if necessary. I've encouraged this at bday parties by faithfully delivering a soft-serve vanilla ice cream cone on the drive home with lots of praise for his making a patient and healthier choice to avoid colored frosting on cakes/etc. And I carry Echinacea pops (healthy lollipops) when we visit the doctor or barber. ;)

You're doing a wonderful job, and what seems like a burden now will be a blessing to your son's ultimate overall health and wellbeing over the course of his life. :yes :hug2 :heart