age approiate behaviors?

[Justicesmom]

How do I know what they are? Oh, biting how am I to get my 14 mo to stop biting his brother? The bites are severe.

[Joanne]

The Ig and Ames series of books on "Your __________ Year old" are great age expected resources.

Biting (quick cut and paste):

Aggressive and Physical Behavior

Aggressive and/or physical behavior is often one of the first challenges that parents face after the infant months. It makes complete sense. The child is growing cognitively and has a desire to communicate those feelings and thoughts. At the same time, the child is becoming more aware of his/her body, it’s abilities and power. Add to that mix limited impulse control and limited verbal ability and the fact that a child expresses themselves phsycially is not a surprise. It’s important to understand and acknowledge that it’s age expected. If we do not expect the behavior, we are more likely to react with anger towards our child.

It’s important to also remember that we do not want to stop physicalness in our children, we want to direct it and help them manage it. Their little bodies are exploding with emotionally fueled energy. We can’t stop that. Instead, we need to find ways to make available appropriate physical expression.

However, as with other age expected behaviors, the fact that it’s common does not make it acceptable. Children in this stage need coaching, clear boundaries and proactive approaches.

This chapter will present several common aggressive or physical behaviors along with both proactive and responsive tools.

Biting

Biting is a common behavior in young children. It’s one that parents react strongly too, both the parents of the biting child and the parents of the children who get bitten. In my daycare, I experienced the most passionate responses from parents over issues involving biting.

Some children are more prone to biting than others. You’ll see biting emerge around the 1 year mark and disappear around age 3.

Many children who bite have a high oral need for stimulation. They seek sensation using their mouth. If you can increase appropriate stimulation to their mouth, you can decrease the frequency of biting. There are several ways to do this. You can increase the chewy foods a child eats, such as fruit leather or bagels. Increase spicy foods such as sausage or salsa. Offer hot or cold foods, such as smoothies or soup. Finally, have the child use a straw often.

When biting does occur, remove the child from the immediate area. Say “No biting. Biting hurts”. Look at the situation, and if you can identify what the bite was used to communicate, offer substitute words. Coach the child to say “I need space” or “I’d like a turn” or “I’m angry”. If the child is not yet verbal, you can use baby signs.

For the toddler or younger, offer a designated toy for biting. “You may not bite people, you may bite this.”

If your child continues to bite with frequency, you will need to provide constant and arms reach supervision until your child has moved out of this stage.

[ArmsOfLove]

Also, in addition to everything Joanne said (thanks for saving me the typing ;) ), you can help teach baby signs and know that this type of behavior usually resolves itself as they get more verbal.

and what is going on when he bites? Is he upset with his brother? Is brother older? can he be taught to watch for the signs and/or not to provoke him? I've found nothing happens in isolation and usually there is a provoking.

[Justicesmom]

One of two things is happening when he bites. He is either just plain upset about something, anything for that matter. He can drop a book on his foot and be mad about it and bite brother as if big brother did it to him. Of course, big brother does provoke him by either hitting, pushing, or taking something away from him. How do I get my 3 yr old to understand that those are not okay things to do. I have explained to him that it is not okay and how would he feel if someone did that to him. Probably not the right things to do, but I am clueless as to what to do. I also say, do unto others as you wold have them do unto you. He may not understand that yet, but I thought it was good for him to hear anyway. I remember my mom saying it to me and I do always try to remember that. Oh, I also let him know I understand his frustration about whatever the situation is, but he can't hit, push, or take things away. I tell him if he needs help to ask me or his dad. I know some may think that will lead to him tatteling, but I'd rather that than him really hurting his brother. His father and I both have anger issues and he has learned from us. :cry we are desperatly trying to work on that right now. I don't want my kids to grow up and be like us and act in theri anger. All that said he could really hurt him.

[ShiriChayim]

Well, I'll tell you what I do with my 3yo although at this age I think it's going to take a LOT of repetition to get through.

1) Our phrase is "Control your body" and it's meant to say, watch what you're doing

2) If he cannot control his body, then he can come sit by mommy for a little while to calm down

3) If this causes a meltdown, doesn't work, or he simply refuses I remove to his bedroom until he is ready to play nicely. If he comes out and continues to be rough, he goes back until he gets it.

4) This is something I've noticed in my son, so I'm not sure if it would help with you or not, but he needs a lot of rough physical stimulation, If I notice he's having a really rough time with controlling himself I do what we call our energetic lovings, or kiggles (kisses, hugs, and tickles mixed together) I get down with him and rub his arms and legs and stomache and give him hugs and kisses and tickles really really energetically, TONS of stimulation. Usually it helps him get that rough physical stimulation in a postive way and he can calm down.

[mamaKristin]

You may find this book helpful with your 3 year old
http://www.amazon.com/Hands-Are-Hitting-Best-Behavior/dp/157542200X/ref=pd_bbs_2/105-5271595-9815633?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1186254116&sr=8-2
We have been reading this series with our kids, and they are really enjoying it.

We talk a lot in our home about being kind to each other with words and our bodies. At this age, I really wouldn't worry about tattling, because they are communicating to you their needs, not trying to get each other "in trouble". Also, if biting and hitting is an issue, they may need supervision all the time when they are playing together until this phase passes. Supervision is really great at helping head off biting before it happens, if being time consuming for the parent. your little guy doesn't yet have the words to define his needs and space, so biting is his outlet. He needs you to help him learn the words for "don't do that" or "I'm frustrated" or "stand back, I need space". With work, and time, it can be a short (if frustrating) phase, but it is one that many many children go through. :hug2

[ArmsOfLove]

some specific articles that might help

http://aolff.com/?page_id=18 (http://aolff.com/?page_id=18)

http://aolff.com/?page_id=21 (http://aolff.com/?page_id=21)

http://aolff.com/?page_id=24 (http://aolff.com/?page_id=24)