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View Full Version : How do I balance a toddler and a newborn?


kwisie
08-01-2007, 06:55 PM
Sometimes, I feel like DD1 is feeling replaced by DD2. I try to do something with the older one, and then the younger one needs attention. DH has been great about spending a lot of time with DD1, but sometimes I feel like she's lost a little of Mommy. It's just so hard to make sure DD1 gets the needed attention when DD2 just requires so much right now. Help!

(Edited to move babywearing question to the BW forum.)

The Tickle Momster
08-01-2007, 09:52 PM
Sometimes it's just a question of triaging, who needs you most at the moment. Right now, that will often be the little one. Is dh home for a while? That sure helped me. Would he be willing to take the little one for 30 - 45 minutes right after a feeding? Then you can have some focused time with dd1. Also, learning to read books and nurse at the same time is very helpful to some moms. Both kids get mom. I never did perfect this.

:hugheart It will get easier.

Raspberries
08-02-2007, 06:26 PM
I'm probably preaching to the choir, but this where I think slings would probably come in handy. Course, I can't speak from experience. I'm more passing along the wisdom of other moms. I'm very interested to read more responses myself!

HomeWithMyBabies
08-02-2007, 07:52 PM
You're still in major transition time right now. It's not an easy time but it passes. I second the recommendation of reading books while nursing. You can also make a little basket or bag of stuff your dd can play with while you nurse or tend to the baby. :hug2

illinoismommy
08-05-2007, 07:33 PM
Do your best to love on both with cuddles and the like, don't expect your older one to stop being a baby in her own way (my son went through a stage initially where he loved to talk about how he was my baby too and I had two babies). After about 4 months things started flowing naturally .... its an adjustment period :heart

Whisperlily
08-05-2007, 09:00 PM
I remember the toughest transition for me was from 3 kids to 4 kids. (I'm mainly talking about the younger two, so it fits.)

From the time that DD was born, I'd tell my DS that there was "always enough room for 2" on my lap. Even when I was nursing Miss K, I'd make room on my knee if he really wanted to sit there. I never wanted him to feel like he was being replaced. Perhaps because at that time the older 2 would play their games... or were in school and the younger two needed my physical presence/contact more often. Even now, when DS is 5 and DD is 2, he'll always make room for her on my lap if he's sitting there, and he always knows he can come to me when she's there. Nowadays he's sitting more beside me than on me, but the same principles apply.

There's always enough room for 2. :) I also made a special effort to tell him how special he was to me, and sing songs directly to him while making eye contact, especially if I was nursing the baby. The baby wasn't really old enough to understand the words, but he was, and it meant a lot. I also involved him in a lot of the care for the baby. Bringing me diapers, throwing them away, etc. I also did this with my first 2 who were 21 months apart, so my DD was about your DD's age at the time.

Joanne
08-06-2007, 04:18 AM
First, know that your struggle is normal, expected and everyone will emerge ok. :heart :hug2

Second, develop playful rituatls for your older child. They can be quick physical or verbal interactions that develop a unique and special rapport with your older child. Verbal ones can be used across the room to connect. Physical ones can help when the physical care of your baby seems to displace the affection available to your older child.

Ima LeShalosh
08-06-2007, 09:21 PM
:popcorn I will be keeping an eye on this thread as this will be my problem in a few short months. DS1 was 4 when I had DS2 so the transition was not hard. DS2 will be 2.5 when DD is born!

twoboysinmay
08-25-2007, 08:41 AM
Mine are almost exactly 2 years apart. I don't have a whole lot to add to what has already been said. I'm tandem-nursing them and that helped the older one adjust. I second getting the older one involved in helping with the younger one. DS1 brings me diapers for his brother during a diaper change--I started that as soon as we got home from the hospital. I also spend quality time with DS1 while DS2 naps--the sling helps a lot.