Earpiercing

[BHope]

Let me preface this by saying that my ears are pierced multiple times and that I do not have a moral or ethical objection to ear piercing. We didn't pierce our daughter's ears at birth because 1) it's really not culturally normal for us and 2) I wanted ear piercing to be THEIR decision.

I know I got my first earing's at age 10 and had been wanting to have my ears pierced a LONG time before it finally happened. I figured that probably when DD1 hit 5 or 6 she'd start asking me about it and we could talk about the work that goes into caring for pierced ears (especially that first 6 weeks). I wanted the choice to be HERS not mine.

Well, for the last 6 months (keeping in mind DD1 is just 3.5) DD1 has been asking me why her ears don't have holes. Why she can't wear earing's... She'll find stickers and put them on her ears to pretend earing's, or she'll find earing's and try to force them onto her ears. Just now she came over to me with a hoop earing asking me to put it in her ear. She'd squinched the other earing onto her left ear to such a point that she practically pierced her ear! And she was wanting me to duplicate her success on the OTHER ear!

And now I'm doubting my "game plan." Is she really too young still? I never expected to deal with these questions so early. I really honestly thought I wouldn't hear much about it until she was 5 or 6... In my mind we wouldn't do ANY ear piercing until she was at least 5. Although, in retrospect that age is totally arbitrary.

Even when I was 10 my mom helped me care for my ears while they were healing. So it's not like if we wait she'll be "old enough" to care for them herself. (I honestly can't imagine waiting until she hits her teens.)

Should I just buy her clip-ons and try and "stay" her off for a few more years?

Ignore it?

I've explained that getting ears pierced hurts... and she's fairly dismissive about it. Obviously she's willing to run around with real earing's clamped to her ears all morning, so the pain isn't really a deterant at this point.

How do you make the decision?

I think this might be easier if I had some sort of moral conviction against ear piercing. But I don't. So then what?

Anybody have any experience they care to share about how your family made the decision. And why?

[NoodleMom]

They do have those little stick on earrings for little girls. You could try that. However if you are not opposed to pierced ears then maybe go ahead and do it. Have a special mom and daughter day. Go to the mall have, lunch out, maybe paint her nails.....or wait untill her birthday.

[Mama Rophe]

I don't think that I would pierce ears that young. But I am not in YOUR family, KWIM? I have no objections to ear peircing (or any other peircing for that matter) either.

I would try clip ons or the stickers and see if those are fine for now. If not I would do a mother daughter day like noodle suggested.

[MarynMunchkins]

Banana did the same thing at her age, and I got her ears pierced for her 4th bday. It was horrible, and we took them out. :shifty

I've told her she can't have them re-pierced until at least 12.

[mnmcurry]

We did DD's when she turned 3, she really wanted them, and did great the first try getting them. Unfortunatley the lady piercing them messed up big time and the earrings were REALLY crooked, so we had to take them out and redo them and she didn't handle it so well the second time. As soon as we were done she was ok and she's done really well with them. We did her sisters at the same time. She was about a year old and she did great too. I think they look really cute :)

[SouthPaw]

What about taking her to visit a piercing parlor that is willing to do children (a good one, not Claires :sick or something) and tell her she is just going for a visit & to see what all would happen - have him show her the needle, the earrings, etc. Would she get that or would she be upset that she isn't getting her ears pierced on that trip? :think Just kinda brainstorming :O

[BHope]

Banana did the same thing at her age, and I got her ears pierced for her 4th bday. It was horrible, and we took them out. :shifty


Do you mind if I ask what was horrible about it? Did they get infected? Was she not leaving them alone? Did it just hurt too much?

For those who wouldn't pierce ears that young is there a concrete reason behind it? (Besides the moral reasoning...)

Katherine,
I thought about taking her to a parlor and showing her what goes into ear piercing... but am not sure I want to go that route unless I'm certain I'm ready to do it if she remains undeterred! lol.

I do know that whatever we do it will be done at a professional ear piercing location and not just a mall shop.

I've thought about telling her that she needs to wait until "X" age. But am not certain why I think that is necessary. Except maybe it would make that particular birthday extra special? And what makes "X" age more appropriate than "Y" age. KWIM? Is it just that keeping earings in is a "big girl" job and that waiting until a child is older ensures that said child may leave the earings in and not mess with them?

Maybe I'll see if I can find some clip-on earings or stickers (or don't they make magnetic earings) and see if that assuages her desires for a while.

[BeckaBlue]

my oldest was just over 3 when she started begging for pierced ears...we held off about 6-7mts till a couple mts before she turned 4....it went pretty well for awhile.....then i don't remember exatly what happened, but when she was a bit over 4 we took them out. when she was 5 i let her try again, one fell out a few wks later and the hole had closed! so had to go and have that one repierced again. then it happened again a few mts later but she wouldnt even let me try to get it in, so we ended up taking the other out. at this point i will not let them be repierced till she's atleast 10.
abbey hasn't asked for them, but we'll give it a shot when/if she does

[Whisperlily]

Funny you ask this question... My DD was 9 when she had her ears pierced. I wouldn't have dreamed about piercing a young child's ears because... as you said, it's not a cultural norm.

But lately I've been looking at my adorable 2 year old and thinking she'd look just darling with a tiny pair of earrings! :giggle Funny how preconceptions change with time, isn't it?

BUT on the practical side of things I'm going to wait to have her ears pierced. I know a few people who have regretted getting infant and young girls' ears pierced because the ear is still doing some major growth at that point, and what is the "center" of the lobe now moved lower as their ears grew, and the hole is now closer to the bottom of the earlobe. There's not as much flesh there to hold the weight of the earrings as they get older, and the earrings are bigger/heavier, and they are not centered.

My arbitrary age is age 10, because it's when I had mine done, and the major growth of the ear/lobe is finished, but we made an exception for DD since she wanted to have it done before Daddy deployed.

[J3K]

How is she when you need to doctor an owie ? Will she let you "mess" with her earrings to clean them ? Will she be tempted to take them out and experiment ?

Or will she sit still like a little lady during the cleaning and prance around and "model" the new earrings ?

I'd go for it if you think she's going to allow you to clean them and she won't take them out.

[BHope]

I'm certain she'd let me clean them and honestly can't imagine her even having an issue with the pain from piercing. We do a lot of things that other parents struggle with. For instance we rinse, brush for 2-3 minutes, and floss three times a day. Once a month we do a week of oral dysinfection. And before bed we do MI paste. I realize it's not the same thing as cleaning ear piercings... but she seems to really like the attention that goes with hygene care.

I do wonder if she'd leave them alone or be patient enough to wait 6 weeks to change them out. I also worry about her trying to pierce her younger sister's ears! :nails :lol

The ear lobe growing issue seems to be worth considering. I also don't want to jump the gun on something that may create more hassle later.

She kept that one earing that she squeezed onto her lobe on all day so far. She seems to be particularly proud of her accomplisment. Despite the fact that the ear looks red and I've suggested to her several times that maybe it would be more comfortable if she took the earing off.

[NoodleMom]

oh one more thing to think about. Carseat straps. My friend had her dd ears pierced as a baby. Her earring somehow got caught in her strap when she was about two I think. It ripped her earring out and tore the ear.

[Joanne]

Even when I was 10 my mom helped me care for my ears while they were healing. So it's not like if we wait she'll be "old enough" to care for them herself. (I honestly can't imagine waiting until she hits her teens.)

My dd is 10 and just got hers done. She's been asking for a couple of years now.


I've thought about telling her that she needs to wait until "X" age. But am not certain why I think that is necessary. Except maybe it would make that particular birthday extra special? And what makes "X" age more appropriate than "Y" age. KWIM? Is it just that keeping earings in is a "big girl" job and that waiting until a child is older ensures that said child may leave the earings in and not mess with them?

First, I don't think there is an absolute on this one.

In *my* home, however, semi permanent cosmetic expression is considered, but comes with responsibilty and maturity. My dd struggled with even trying to keep her hair combed and regular brushing of her teeth. That being the case, I knew that it was not ok with me for her to get her ears pierced. I value autonomy in that regard so it would not have been a match for me to add more work for me. My "deal" with my dd was when she consistently showed ability and willingness to take care of hygiene and health issues, we'd revisit the ear peircing. So, in my home, a younger than school age child would typically not be able to understand and follow through on that condition.

[BHope]

First, I don't think there is an absolute on this one.

In *my* home, however, semi permanent cosmetic expression is considered, but comes with responsibilty and maturity. My dd struggled with even trying to keep her hair combed and regular brushing of her teeth. That being the case, I knew that it was not ok with me for her to get her ears pierced. I value autonomy in that regard so it would not have been a match for me to add more work for me. My "deal" with my dd was when she consistently showed ability and willingness to take care of hygiene and health issues, we'd revisit the ear peircing. So, in my home, a younger than school age child would typically not be able to understand and follow through on that condition.



This makes good sense to me, and may be why my parents waited until we were older. (Although I know that a large part of their waiting had to do with the fact that they wanted to wait until we were stateside to do the ear piercing because rate of serious infection increases when you start talking about ear-piercing in an unregulated 3rd world.)

We haven't made any decisions yet and I find I'm leaning towards just getting her some stickers or play earings for now. The ear lobe growing argument has stuck with me a bit... so until I find a valid reason TO do it, I think I'm going to keep waiting. Although, I'm not sure what that age will be. Still haven't figured that part out yet.

[Mrs. Potatohead]

Although infant piercings aren't the cultural norm for me (my mom was like :jawdrop), we had my daughter's done when she was 4 months old. I wanted to be sure people knew she was a GIRL since she has four older brothers! :giggle (And I still had people ask--she'd be in pink and wearing earrings....Anyhoo....)

We had some trouble when she was about a year old with her pulling her earrings out and losing them in her carseat, mostly. She's fine with them now. She's almost 5. We rarely swap them out--she either wears her little sapphire birthstones or these tiny diamond (faux) ones. It's like the earrings are such a part of her she never gives them a second thought. My ears are double pierced and I NEVER change out my earrings unless I'm going somewhere really special, though, so I guess she thinks that is normal to not change them out. Occasionally she wants to wear really dangly ones, but I've told her she has to be MUCH older.

Anyway, I have no regrets, and I have had no real problems with my daughter's ears--they're not growing funny, she doesn't mess with them, etc!

[BHope]

See this is the other side to the story that does make sense to me as well. :giggle (Could I be any more wishy-washy?) I know there's a whole community out there that pierces ears at birth and it's not common to see wonky ear piercings. I think if we did pierce DD1's ears we'd probably do like yourself and choose earings that were studs and that were left alone for a long period of time. I rarely change my earings at all, and sometimes don't even wear them. DD1 was such an ear grabber as a baby that it became safer to just not have them in then risk a ripped lobe from over excited baby hands.

Now that DD1 is older and DD2 is indifferent I've started wearing earings again.

We'll see how long that lasts considering baby number three may be like her older sister and attracted to "sparkly things."

[bliss]

Our experience: Booger wanted hers done at 3, so we did it for third birthday. Certified piercer, needle pierce (no guns, argh), and she was done with hoops with the bead locked in with needlenose pliers, so they could not be removed by little fingers. I made sure she understood the cleaning and care aspect (prior to piercing, during evening tooth-brush etc. time I would say "Now, if you had earrings, we would need to clean and rotate your earrings") and also the pain involved with piercing (pre-GBD but I did give her earlobe a pinch to make sure she understood it would HURT so we didn't get the one side done and then not go through with the other one). We had a lovely experience with a piercer who was a mama and a nurse, and Booger's ears have not had any problems past the point when we figured out she needed to use the "sensitive" earrings. To ME (who is not the mama :giggle) the OP's little gal sounds ready. But you know her best.

[BHope]

Were you worried bout the hoops being a potential hazard for being pulled on? I'm just curious because I haven't researched the earing options yet.

[bliss]

I was, and it was explained to me that the hoop would not dangle below the ear, but were chosen to size perfectly around Booger's lobe. (The bottom of the lobe "met" the earring all the way around, does that make sense?) The reason they used a hoop instead of a stud was, in the piercer's experience, the only trouble she had with children was when they would mess with the earring, they would sometimes pull the front part out through the hole. With a bead-locked hoop there is no way to remove it.
Booger never got hers caught on anything - but she did not have smaller siblings at the time to pull on them or anything. (And she is not a particularly "careful" child.)

[kandykidsaturn]

My dd hasnt asked to have her ears pierced yet, and quite frankly, i'm scared when she does. This is the child that has killed 3 tanks of fish by taking them out and wrapped them up in blankets, overfeeding them, or leaving the top off the the cats got them. :blush

But as for my own experience, my mom made me wait until i was 12, and i hated it. I think that when the child is ready and ready to handle the responsibility behind ear piercings, then it's fine. It's just all dependent on the child and the family.

[ranade3]

I wasn't allowed to get my ears pierced until I was 18 and out of the home. And then it wasn't really allowed, I just did it and faced my mother's disappointment (she got over it).

Both my girls had their ears pierced in W.Africa, I love pierced ears on little girls and have no problem morally with it at all.

Dd1 has hoops she has had in her ears for well over a year, she had studs before that. No problems at all with the hoops.

Dd2's holes had closed up in Africa but on the way back to the states people kept telling me what a cute boy I had :hunh Her hair had been shaved off in Africa and without earrings people couldn't tell I guess. Anyways it really bothered me so I had her ears redone at the mall. She screamed but then it was done and we've had no problems at all.

Neither of my girls have ever had infections or earrings pulled out, torn earlobes, none of that. We have only lost about 3 earrings ever because they fell out at night or during some activity.

[TestifyToLove]

All three of my girls had their ears pierced before 6 months. I spent a good portion of my childhood in Guatemala and *I* likie pierced ears on baby girls, and don't have a moral objection to it.

The only problem we've ever had is that dd#2 has sensitive ears. Around the time she was 2, she discovered how to get her earrings out. We tried every style of earing and backing and she demolished the earrings. So, I took her earrings out then. But, she's almost 5 and her holes have never closed back over. She wears earrings to church about twice a month now by her choosing and then has us take them out as soon as we get home. DD#1 wears earrings all the time, and just changes them out when they get gunky. And, dd#3 has her birthstone studs that have never been removed since she got them pierced. I'll move her to screw-on back earrings sometime between 18-24 months.

I'd LOVE to put the girls in hoops but Dh is adhamant that he doesn't think they are safe in this house. And, for some crazy reason while he's fine with studs, he sees hoops as too grown-up for the girls. Dd#1 was just allowed to start wearing tiny hoops this year in fact.

[Marielle]

no little girls here but my ears (and my sister's) were pierced at birth and considering our ages, likely in the hospital with needles. Our holes have never closed over and the only issue I have is sensitivity to nickle so I can only wear gold or white gold earings. I go months without wearing earings and they still don't close.

If I were to have a little girl I'd just pierce during the first couple of months because for us it would be better to care for it as a young baby than a prone to touch toddler or curious young child. kwim?

[AdrienneQW]

No infant ear piercing for us; it never made sense to me to make that decision for somebody else. But I have to tell you, it has actually been hard because once I had my daughter I kept thinking how *adorable* some precious little earrings would look on her! :)

I was 10 when I had mine pierced - I never asked; my mom just asked me one day when we were at the mall if I wanted to get them done. At this point my DD is only two, but my guess is we will get them done when: 1) she asks for it herself, and 2) we deem she is mature enough to handle the responsibility of caring for them. Right now she won't sit still to have her toenails trimmed, so I don't see earrings in her future anytime soon!

[4thekids]

If you do just do clipons for a bit claires usually has a large selection. Maybe you could do a mama/dd day and pick out some pretty clipons.

[BHope]

If you do just do clipons for a bit claires usually has a large selection. Maybe you could do a mama/dd day and pick out some pretty clipons.


This is a great idea. I've been trying to think up a "mama/daughter" outing for just the two of us before the new babe arrives and a trip to the mall might be in order. I'd take her ice skating (they have a rink at the mall) except there's no way this pregnant mama is getting on ICE! lol. But maybe a treat at claires and some iced lattes (her's sans coffee) would be fun. I'd do the real ear peircing, except I'm not entirely convinced yet. A trial run with clip-ons is first on my plate.

[loveberry]

I'm not comfortable with permanent body mods for people who aren't old enough to consent with full understanding. So if I had a daughter I'd probably wait until she was at least pre-teen or teen, depending on who she was.

Alex on again off again wants one or both ears done and that's a flat no. Girls, at least, have no social stigma on earrings. But for a guy, an earring or earring hole can mean getting a job or not. He's definitely not ready to make that decision on his own. As he gets older I can keep explaining the societal attitudes to him and at some point I will feel like he's old enough to choose that and it will be up to him at that point. Or, he'll turn 18 and be able to get it done without my input. :P