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KatieMae
07-30-2007, 08:46 PM
I'm losing my calm - if I have any to begin with - so many times I can't even begin to count it. My postpartum help is now officially gone, so I'm on my own with the kiddos almost 100% of the time (DH works 2 jobs) and our interactions have to change. I seriously have a sore throat from yelling at them all day. Here are the shameful details...

Primary problems:
1. Lucas wants to be near the baby, but he gets too close, pats him too hard or tries to pick him up (all typical big-brother behavior, I know) OR he makes incredibly awful "BAAAAABEEEEE!!!!!!" squeals at him *repeatedly*, oh and he laughs hysterically when Jude is crying (in the car, when I can't get to him - he doesn't cry any other time). None of my reminders to be "gentle" or "not too close" or "please be quiet when the baby is crying" is getting thru to him.
2. Lucas also has developed a finger-sucking/biting habit & I don't know how to help him stop. I know he's doing it subconsciously so I remind him "fingers out of your mouth please" but it eventually turns to "fingers!" while pushing his hand out and then to just smacking his hand and giving him a mean (frustrated) look. It's so unhealthy and really gross when his hands/forearms/chin are all slobbery & he doesn't care.
3. Lilia is learning all my worst traits, mimicking Lucas' worst behaviors and also going thru the 2yo time of trying to bite when she's angry or wants to scare Lucas away from a toy she wants.
4. They're both generally being incredibly unhelpful and uncooperative.
5. No complaints about Jude, he's wonderful & gives me lots of sleep! I don't want to think how I'd be if he was a bad sleeper.

I feel like I'm borderline on PPD (or just in denial about it) but I don't know what I can do to help ME be more calm & positive either, besides addressing the problems above. It just seems like a mishmash of :) :cry :mad :banghead :pacing :hissyfit so many times every day. :pray4

SPKarenO
07-30-2007, 08:52 PM
:hugs

Ali
07-30-2007, 09:22 PM
:hugheart   I didn't realize I was PPD until I really looked at myself and didn't recognize the mess that used to be a very positive, capable person.  It was obviously not just adjustment or baby blues - you just feel like you are falling apart and cannot get on top of it, like you are not yourself, but you can't shake it.  If you have any concerns that you might have PPD, please don't hesitate to talk to your doctor.  I took a very low dose of Zoloft for PPD and continued to breasfeed and had no problems with it for me or DS, and it was really a miracle.  I was ME again!  
I only have one kiddo, so take any advice with a grain of salt, but the things that came to me while reading your list of issues is that it really sounds like Lucas is trying his best to adjust to the new baby, but in a very almost 4 yo way.  My DS is just a month older than Lucas and will go into hysterical laughter or over-the-top interractions with babies because he is just so not used to them or why they cry, etc.  They're alien to him and they take mommy's attention and it's bizarre to a 4 yo.  I know it's hard, but he might follow your lead if you model calm behavior and show him ways to interract with the baby.  Have him "try again" to say hi to the baby more quietly, or teach him a calming song to sing when the baby cries.  Let him know exactly what to do and help him do it, not just "be quiet, be gentle" - he may need very specific actions and words to say.  Let him "help" you take care of the baby and be really positive about it.  I know my DS is much more compliant when he feels he's part of the situation and part of helping out.  I try to give lots of positive reinforcement - "Look! Baby is so happy! You came up and said hello so sweetly and gave baby such a gentle love. You a doing a great job!"
Does your DS like to imagine or pretend?  Coming up with imaginary scenarios helps my DS a lot, too.  Like, "Let's pretend there is a 'quiet wall' around the baby, and we can't talk loud if we are close to the baby."  And have him go to a different room and say something loudly, then come by the baby and whisper it.  Sometimes those "games" backfire with my DS, but often it really helps.  

And as far as the finger thing, can you just ignore it?  I'd think it would pass more quickly if you didn't make any deal out of it at all.  I know it bugs you, it would bug me too, but I don't think that's a battle worth getting into at all.  I'd completely drop it.

I'm not much help with the 2yo, I'm sorry!  My brain will need a 2yo refresher course when this next babe is 2!  I'm sure more ladies here will have thoughts about that.  My only idea is to help Lucas learn some ways to cope with his little sister's behavior.  Give him some things to say "Biting is not ok!  I will not play with you when you bite!", and maybe have a baby gate to his room or another place, so he can retreat into there when she is having a hard time?  Maybe helping him feel capable of doing something about it might help with that dynamic.  

I HTH a little, and I just want to give you a big :hug, because 3 kids under 4 can't be a breeze!  You are doing great!

ArmsOfLove
07-30-2007, 09:36 PM
I'm losing my calm - if I have any to begin with - so many times I can't even begin to count it. My postpartum help is now officially gone, so I'm on my own with the kiddos almost 100% of the time (DH works 2 jobs) and our interactions have to change. I seriously have a sore throat from yelling at them all day. Here are the shameful details...
Every time that first day/week/month strikes terror into my heart :shifty You can do this, though! :hug2

Primary problems:
1. Lucas wants to be near the baby, but he gets too close, pats him too hard or tries to pick him up (all typical big-brother behavior, I know) OR he makes incredibly awful "BAAAAABEEEEE!!!!!!" squeals at him *repeatedly*, oh and he laughs hysterically when Jude is crying (in the car, when I can't get to him - he doesn't cry any other time). None of my reminders to be "gentle" or "not too close" or "please be quiet when the baby is crying" is getting thru to him. He is excited. I'd work on teaching him *how* to play with the baby. Practice games with volume control and label an appropriate volume "baby voice". Also, I would suggest that the laughter is nervous and because he is uncomfortable :( Maybe validate that feeling for him

2. Lucas also has developed a finger-sucking/biting habit & I don't know how to help him stop. I know he's doing it subconsciously so I remind him "fingers out of your mouth please" but it eventually turns to "fingers!" while pushing his hand out and then to just smacking his hand and giving him a mean (frustrated) look. It's so unhealthy and really gross when his hands/forearms/chin are all slobbery & he doesn't care. It's probably bothering you even more at this time, but I'd encourage you to ignore it. It will possibly create even more anxiety

3. Lilia is learning all my worst traits, mimicking Lucas' worst behaviors and also going thru the 2yo time of trying to bite when she's angry or wants to scare Lucas away from a toy she wants. I'd work with her on letting him know she needs space and teaching him how to listen :yes

4. They're both generally being incredibly unhelpful and uncooperative. None of you are at your best right now :hug2
5. No complaints about Jude, he's wonderful & gives me lots of sleep! I don't want to think how I'd be if he was a bad sleeper.
:phew

I feel like I'm borderline on PPD (or just in denial about it) but I don't know what I can do to help ME be more calm & positive either, besides addressing the problems above. It just seems like a mishmash of :) :cry :mad :banghead :pacing :hissyfit so many times every day. :pray4
talk to your doctor of midwife please :hug2 :pray4

mom2_AthruZ
07-31-2007, 08:52 PM
Nothing to add but a :hugheart, some :heart and :pray4. I wish I could come take the kids to the park for you.

TwinMommy03
07-31-2007, 11:47 PM
Nothing to add but a :hugheart, some :heart and :pray4. I wish I could come take the kids to the park for you.

:yes What she said. Hang in there!!

BKMommy
08-01-2007, 01:14 AM
Oh my. I am so sorry. I dont' have any advice because I only have one little handful. Hopefully it will get better. :hug2

SouthPaw
08-01-2007, 07:38 AM
2. Lucas also has developed a finger-sucking/biting habit & I don't know how to help him stop. I know he's doing it subconsciously so I remind him "fingers out of your mouth please" but it eventually turns to "fingers!" while pushing his hand out and then to just smacking his hand and giving him a mean (frustrated) look. It's so unhealthy and really gross when his hands/forearms/chin are all slobbery & he doesn't care

for this i would suggest finding an incompatible behavior ( clasping his hands, manipulating a specific toy, eating a lollipop, chewing gum, whatever you would prefer that is reasonable) and redirecting to this. basically creating a new & acceptable calming habit :hug2

FoxDenLane
08-01-2007, 11:27 AM
New babies always throw you for a loop. You are naturally going to be so protective of him, which can make you less-than-gentle with the older ones sometimes, from my experience. :O

I have had borderline PPD three times. If you really suspect that, I'd recommend wild yam cream. It quickly got my hormones normal again.

I love the names you've chosen. Lucas and Jude were two I considered.

Be encouraged! :hug2