Help me firm up the bedtime routine

[illinoismommy]

I try to be playful and yet firm, and I am firm with my voice and clear in what needs to be done too, so I don't know how to deal with this anymore. I try to be silly about it, when it doesnt work then I tell him we need to change into jammies -- clear and concise. There's no question what it is I want. Still he delays, he laughs, he runs into the closet to hide from me. I have tried to be patient but I am getting very angry with him. He stalls and stalls "I don't go to bed anymore" "I don't want to go to bed" etc. etc. and its just irritating. Stalling for brushing teeth, changing, everything. I know he doesn't want to go, I know its normal, but I'm losing patience. Particularly when I say its time to get dressed for bed I don't want him laughing and running away and I don't want him fighting me to the death. There may be nothing I can do on the second matter, but it never ends well.

[hey mommy]

:popcorn

[AdrienneQW]

Particularly when I say its time to get dressed for bed I don't want him laughing and running away and I don't want him fighting me to the death.

It won't help with the fighting, but you can avoid the running by simply scooping him up and carrying him to his room *while* you say "Time for jammies and bed!". If he is slightly more compliant, you could put a hand on his shoulder and steer him toward his room while saying it. He can announce he doesn't go to bed anymore all he wants - doesn't make it a reality. ;)

DS went through a brief period of fighting when we tried to put his jammies on, so we had him sleep in his clothes. :shrug

I would definitely drop the playful stuff for now - he seems to be using it as a springboard to laugh and run and make a game out of bedtime. If he isn't responding to playful parenting at bedtime, I would drop it and stick to business. :hug

[Marsha]

My 5 yo still does it. I guess I"ve figured out that the fighting about it is part of her routine LOL. Out and out fighting, tantrumming, kicking or hitting results in loss of privileges (like a bedtime story) and definitely loss of a nice, pleasant mommy or daddy to take you to bed :)
but a certain amount of running away, hiding, and just teeth clenching annoying stuff I've come to expect.
We can be having the nicest time, put on the timer for jammies, and when the timer goes off, she starts wailing, bargaining and the whole nine yards.
Our routine has been in place as is for two years, including the fighting it.

[marathonmom]

Does he particularly enjoy reading or playing with you? (dumb question, I know).

That helps my kids to be more motivated...after you get your pajamas on we'll....play a game, read a story, have some ice cream, whatever....

It sounds like you're doing all the right things.

[illinoismommy]

Does he particularly enjoy reading or playing with you? (dumb question, I know).

That helps my kids to be more motivated...after you get your pajamas on we'll....play a game, read a story, have some ice cream, whatever....

It sounds like you're doing all the right things.


Definitely that's been working for a long time, let's brush teeth so we can read a story! But not now.... now he figures he can do everything to put it off and then still get a story :/

[hey mommy]

We do the 'no story' thing too.. Butwe are firm on it.. If he doesn't get ready in time, no story. DH has tried to also say "if you don't do____-, then mommy won't sit w/you at bedtime".. I put a stop to that!

[Marsha]

Does he particularly enjoy reading or playing with you? (dumb question, I know).

That helps my kids to be more motivated...after you get your pajamas on we'll....play a game, read a story, have some ice cream, whatever....

It sounds like you're doing all the right things.


Definitely that's been working for a long time, let's brush teeth so we can read a story! But not now.... now he figures he can do everything to put it off and then still get a story :/


it takes a couple heartbreaking evenings for them to know you are serious. I mean, I want so BAD to just go ahead and read the story.....but if that was the deal, it was the deal, you know?
It's helped us a lot.

[blossomnatalia]

Yep :yes this is what has saved us as well...

"Let's put our PJ's so that we can read the story!
No cooperation
"We are not going to have to time for a story"
still no cooperation
i put the PJ on and no story that night...


that happened maybe twice ;)... she knew I was serious and now we just have to remind her.


One concrete thing you could add to the equasion is a kitchen timer...

'You have 10 minutes to brush you teeth, and put your PJ's....then you can come back here and "beat" the timer before it rings ;)
If the timer rings before you are done ...that means we don't have time for the story. ;)"

It usually gets her to cooperate like that! She goes running around like" oh ok...ok....PJ's....quick quick...) :lol I love it!

I hope this helps!

[illinoismommy]

Does he really get that? I have done that "we won't have time for a story if you don't get ready" a few times.... it resulted in him crying for a long period of time and asking me for a story over and over. In the end I didn't feel it was worth it, and it made it no easier the next time. I could try the timer. But would he get that? He's not even quite three.

Then he bugs me for like 30+ minutes after bed because he needs this or that or the next thing, and I tuck him in over and over and give him kisses and put on socks.... we've never had bedtime issues before.... and this is all despite the fact if I wait literally 20 minutes later to put him to bed there is a complete emotional meltdown. So it has to be then and not even 20 minutes later.

Would he understand the length of time on a timer? If you think he would, maybe I will try the timer. I am not sure how much he understands. Maybe it would take a few really ugly nights before he understood how long the timer goes. What do you think? Is it worth it?

[hey mommy]

I think he would understand a kitchen timer.. maybe the annoying ticking kind.... it worked w.c at that age... its something they can actually see/hear, so its more tangible. make sense? its always worth a try...

[puah]

we have done the timer thing and i was amazed how young they 'got' it. like any new boundary there were a couple of wailing nights when reality hit that the time was OVER and really there would be no story, but within a week it was clear. then we stopped doing the timer because nobody needed it, and we only bring it out now if it's a hairy night :giggle

and as far as the running/chasing, we don't even start until we are in their room with them (whichever is putting them to bed, usually dh) and the door is closed so there's not many places they can go. mentioning pj's while ds is 'loose' in the house only leads to disaster. dd at 5.5 can now actually handle being told to do it and going and getting them on herself!

[AdrienneQW]

Our routine is very solid - as soon as dinner is over, it's time to go straight to the bathroom for potty and toothbrushing, then into the bedroom for jammies and bedtime routine. It's a given - dinner, then bedtime routine, then bed. Our kids have done very well with this predictability.

The timer thing has worked for us on the opposite end - getting dressed in the morning. :) Dexter would stay in his jammies all day if we'd let him, so we did the timer thing to encourage him to get dressed in a timely fashion. He was just barely three, if I remember correctly... and he "got" the timer right away.

It was difficult for me to strike just the right balance with the time issue - I tended to sound more punitive and withholding instead of matter-of-fact like "We have X amount of time... if you use it up now by not following directions then there won't be enough time left for XYZ". Books are also non-negotiable in our household... no matter how bad your behavior is, you still get read to. :) We may cut out something else like a made-up story or a silly bedtime game, but bedtime read-aloud is sacred and off-limits.

I hope you find something that works...

[blossomnatalia]

See..we still do singing and prayers but the book goes out the window if it is too late...plus If they are not cooperating, it usualy meansthey are tired usually and don't even focus on the story.
SO we go straight to dark room and unwinding....

:shrug

Whatever works! ;)