Really struggling to be Mum I want to be in the situation I am in

[Meli]

Here's the deal. I have 4 kids. I work 3 days a week. DH has cancer. It attacks his immune system and now, in the middle of winter, he is sick a lot with colds and flus which he gets very badly. He has barely worked a day in the last couple of months, so I need to work to keep our household going financially. I also have to do close to 100% of the work at home - the housework, the cooking, the kids. My elder 3 kids have activities. We limit them to 2 each, but it seems like there is always someone to ferry somewhere. With DH's lack of work goes a lack of his car meaning that we have one car to do all the ferrying in so that makes time tighter. On work mornings, I have to get 4 kids dressed, fed, packed for the day and out of the door by 7.30am (plus everything for myself). I do all that I can the night before - usually it is about 4 hours after walking in the door from work and child pickup before all the housework is done, everyone is fed, bathed, and ready for bed, everyone is home from activities, and as much as is possible is done for the next day. I find myself hanging washing on the line at 10pm at night in close to freezing temps. Last night I dragged DH out of bed to watch 3 of the kids while I took Bessie to her beloved soccer training. I had only been home for an hour, and Imidee cried unconsolably when I left because she had been away from me all day, and now I was leaving again. But I couldn't take her outdoors after dark on a cold winter's night, so I had to choose between Bessie being devastated at missing soccer, and Imidee being devastated that mummy was going out again. With just one of me to do most of the parenting, I feel like I am always having to choose between equally important things - between my kids needs, between bringing in enough money to survive, between being there for DH, between my own sanity. Luckily I am not particularly house proud cause housework always ends up on the bottom of the list - only the essentials get done (cooking, laundry and dishes) most of the time.

No real reason to this post, I guess. Just frustrated that I can't AP all that I want to cause I am being pulled in too many directions.

[Singingmom]

Wow. You are really amazing to be keeping your head above water right now.

Is there any way you could have a mother's helper come over a few days a week, perhaps a homeschooled teenager from church? She could do a little housework or whatever you needed her to do. Maybe you could barter for her time.

:hug2 :hug2 :hug2

[ShiriChayim]

:hug

[Meli]

Thanks for the encoursgement and hugs.

I'm thinking about the mothers helper idea. The only thing I can think of to barter would be tutoring, and then I think that the stress of trying to fit that in would be more of an effort than coping on my own. My wonderful sister does cook one meal for me a week, which we have on one of my work days to take the pressure off, and every now and then someone else from church will cook us a meal.

I am also trying to teach the elder kids to be a bit more indpendent, but they still need supervision as they are learning, and it is at that awkward stage where it is quicker to do it myself, but I know I need to make the time to let them learn, but time is so short that I get impatient with them as they try. *sigh*

[Singingmom]

I can see how bartering could be more trouble that it was worth. And ITU about the older kids. Getting them to the independent stage where they could actually prepare a meal takes so much training.

Could it be time to cut back the kids' activities for a season? Having only one per child would make a difference.

About the meals. When you cook on your at-home days, maybe you could cook double twice a week. Then your sister would have one work night covered and you would have something in the freezer to set down in the morning on the other 2 days. If your family isn't fond of repeats so close together, you could save it til the following week once you have a few things in your freezer.

I wish I could bring you something once a week. :hug2

[Soliloquy]

You are amazing. I had to solo parent when my DH was really sick but it was only for a few months and I only have 2 kids. I will pray for you.

[boonpnutsmom]

I am always here http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v109/boonpnutsmom/OURKEIKI%20GRAPHICS/Prayer%20Graphics/k_inori2.gif for you and a shoulder to cry on when you need it.

[homesteadmama]

wow!! I have no advice as I am just amazed at how great you are doing with what you have. I just want to reach out and give you a big hug. I too wish I could bring over a meal, or come clean your house for you.

[Meli]

Aww, thanks guys.
The good news is that I have decided to get some counselling to help me cope with everything. Counselling by a psychologist is covered by public health in Australia (well, about 80% of the cost), so I have been looking around for a christian psychologist who also has strong counselling skills (not all do!) and have found a couple. So I have made an appointment for my family doctor next week to get a referral.