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View Full Version : Using the church nursery to "break" children?


siberian
07-05-2007, 11:20 AM
I'm seeing this more and more at church and its really disheartening. Why do so many parents think the church nursery is the place to "break" their children of "habits"? Thing like:

1. "We're trying to wean him off of his paci, so if he asks for it you'll have to let him cry"

2. "She won't take a bottle, but here's a bottle in case she gets hungry"

3. "We're trying to 'break' him from staying in service with us." (Meanwhile, the older siblings are allowed to stay in service)

4. Or when a little one has never made it through an entire service in the nursery, but the mom decides to sneak out while the child is playing. Doesn't even wait by the door for a while, just goes straight into service.

And on top of that, the parent usually gets annoyed if you discretely bring their inconsolable child to them or have another wrker go get them. When they pull that "We're trying to break him of ____" I just want to shout "Who are you kidding? You're not 'breaking' him of anything, you're leaving complete strangers [ie. the nursery workers] to do the dirty work!!"

Heather Micaela
07-05-2007, 11:27 AM
Yeah that stuff annoys me too.

I have to admit though that I- who never let the older two in the nursery till they were at least 2 - sneaks out to leave the baby. But I will qualify that with the fact that she adores her nursery worker and is happt to have her hold her as long as mommy is not around and that she plays happily with her big sister in there. (And that is only during the message, not the whole service) If she cried *at all* I would not leave her

Dana Joy
07-05-2007, 11:28 AM
I have the opposite problem- now that JM is not in the baby room anymore the workers decide to not call me when he cries- says that he'll get used to it :cry

hey mommy
07-05-2007, 11:29 AM
I had to sneak out and leave C. If he watched me go, he cried. If I snuck out, he was fine. If he cried, I didn't leave him. I ended up sitting w/him. Or my mom would.


Though, sadly, I did let him cry when he started preschool/daycare at 2.5 years old...

Heather Micaela
07-05-2007, 11:38 AM
I have the opposite problem- now that JM is not in the baby room anymore the workers decide to not call me when he cries- says that he'll get used to it :cry


I HATE that - a church I went to when Joshua was that aage was the same way

MamaMansa
07-05-2007, 12:02 PM
Our children's pastor tried to convince me that is was an absolute necessity to leave DD (3) to CIO in the children's program or face having an unadjusted older child who would never feel comfortable without me. :banghead She said it would "break her" of her "fear." :rolleyes That made me even more firm in my belief that they most likely would NOT come get me if she needed me, and I was not OK with that. I kindly explained that if DD was not comfortable staying alone that I would sit there with her during the entire service then, because I was not about to let her stay there against her will, especially since she was scared. I don't really understand the opinion that the church nursery will "break" children of anything. I think it goes both ways....parents sending kids in to "break" them of habits, and nursery workers thinking they are doing everyone a service by trying to "break" children of habits they don't agree with (ie. AP). :(

Piper2
07-05-2007, 12:07 PM
I have the opposite problem- now that JM is not in the baby room anymore the workers decide to not call me when he cries- says that he'll get used to it :cry


I HATE that - a church I went to when Joshua was that aage was the same way

Yeah, we visited a church when we first moved here and told the workers he wasn't used to being left (because it had been awhile since we were in church), so please come get us if he cried. After the service was over, we went to pick him up, they swore he hadn't been crying, but his face was red, his eyes were swollen and he was doing that hiccuping thing that was a sure sign he'd been crying for a good while. :mad

We never went back there.

siberian
07-05-2007, 12:26 PM
Don't get me wrong, I totally understand sneaking out when you know your child will be fine. I'm referring more of situations when, week after week, the child will cry inconsolably until a worker goes to get the mother. If they have to go through this every week, why not wait outside the nursery door for a while, instead leaving one worker alone with all of the children while the other has to disrupt the service trying to find the parent, y/k?

Heather Micaela
07-05-2007, 05:26 PM
Don't get me wrong, I totally understand sneaking out when you know your child will be fine. I'm referring more of situations when, week after week, the child will cry inconsolably until a worker goes to get the mother. If they have to go through this every week, why not wait outside the nursery door for a while, instead leaving one worker alone with all of the children while the other has to disrupt the service trying to find the parent, y/k?

I understood you and totaly agree

3PeasInAPod
07-05-2007, 05:37 PM
I think it's just a reflection of the church in the same boat with mainstream parent/child rearing (&sometimes they're worse)... It's very sad.

I've kept ds w/me until recently. We changed churches & they have a very nice nursery with not many kids. I always make it clear to "page" me if ds cries. The thing that bothered me at our other church, is the workers would just sit on their chairs & expect the kids to play on the floor with no interaction...who goes to work in the nursery & expects to just sit there the entire time? DS hated it in there.
The ladies at our new church are so kind & get him playing with them...so he doesn't even know when I leave. :phew

Soliloquy
07-05-2007, 05:38 PM
Our children's pastor tried to convince me that is was an absolute necessity to leave DD (3) to CIO in the children's program or face having an unadjusted older child who would never feel comfortable without me. :banghead She said it would "break her" of her "fear." :rolleyes That made me even more firm in my belief that they most likely would NOT come get me if she needed me, and I was not OK with that.

We had the same thing from the pastor's wife. :mad

Dana Joy
07-05-2007, 05:52 PM
OT- my church has been wonderful- there are two nurseries- age 3 months to 18 months and 18 months to 2 1/2. In both nurseries they knew me and knew i wanted to be called if he cried.
now he is in the "preschool" class. it goes all the way from 2 1/2 to 4 or 5. it is there that it seems they don't call me. they always say- oh it was just a little fussing, he calmed down right away- he wasn't red faced or anything- i just felt off about it. so two sundays ago i peeked in on him- he was "fussing" kinda whining- forelornly and they kept on trying to get him engaged in an activity- but never called me!!!! :mad (i watched for maybe 4-5 minutes to give them the benefit of the doubt.
last week i stayed with him. to see if i can transition him better to this room. but i am very worked up over what to do--- :think

WanderingJuniper
07-05-2007, 06:02 PM
Oh my this is why I am so nervous about trying out new churches closer to home.
In our old church I knew they would come get me and have and I knew it was ok if Bird when into Bears class to be comforted when I went into the service.

mybodymyself
07-05-2007, 08:17 PM
:popcorn

Weezie
07-06-2007, 03:48 AM
I don't know my church's standpoint on this, but I was the leader of the preschool age service (4-5) and even at that age (and being a pre-k teacher outside of church) if I couldn't calm the children down with lots of love, then I went into the infant nursery across the hallway and used our number system to page the parents to come in.

zak
07-06-2007, 05:20 AM
Ick. What a great association for a child to have with "church"... nice. :sick

HomeWithMyBabies
07-06-2007, 05:51 AM
Ick. What a great association for a child to have with "church"... nice. :sick


That's always been my problem with it.

If I can't leave them happily playing, I just won't leave them. If I ever found out one of my boys was crying or upset and no one came to get me... :mad

On Peanut's info card there's a blank "How long should we allow your child to cry?" :( I wrote NOT AT ALL