Not feeling too AP anymore...

[Gentle Journey]

d

[Naomi]

:hug2 No judgment here. As far as I'm concerned, being an attached parent is more about doing what is best for your children and for you, than following some list of rules of what is "right and wrong". I think there is definitely a way to meet both your and your baby's needs. :yes :heart

[mummy2boys]

So, does everyone hate me now


Not me :hugheart I only breastfed for 9 months both times (boys weaned :yes2) so I think you have done GREAT!!!! You need to work out what is best for you all.

[Mother of Sons]

I totally understand. I'm here with a wide awake baby at 10:35 PM. I would love to just be able to put her in bed and have her go to sleep.

[malakoa]

You sound like you know just what's right for you and your family - I'm so sorry you're feeling guilty about it - no need to.

[RealLifeMama]

You just sound tired.
:hug2
You know, I think that our parenting evolves over time and fits less and less into boxes/labels.
I do not think there is anything wrong with trying to see if there are other ways to meet a baby's need other than nursing. I actually tried that with Baby C this time- regretted it later- but we tried it.
You sound really touched out and exhausted.
All children are different. You may or may not experience the same "results" with the same type of parenting. Maybe you just need to set some boundaries in your current nursing relationship? I know that when I did that with DD, it helped a lot - if it is not working for you now, then fix it! This might be an unpopular statement here, but I do not think one needs to nurse on demand completely after a year.

I know many moms that are AP that their babies still just seem to want to nurse only once every two hours, or they go to sleep easily. I can tell you that *none* of my children would go for the "put them down drowsy and let them put themselves to sleep" bit, but I know some moms that their children do that. Personally, I would not do it, because I really treasure baby time, it is so fleeting, but I will admit it does sound appealing at times.

You can still have a routine and meet your babies' needs. Honestly, I think that AP is easier to meet everyone's needs. You just wear the baby for naps and nurse in the sling as you go about your day- sure, it is easier to go about your day with no baby on you, but then you miss out on the sweet baby snuggles!!

I am sure you will make the best decision for your family when the time comes.
And I sure don't hate you, take that bag off your head!

[Herbwifemama]

Are you talking about night weaning, or simply weaning? Either one doesn't make you less AP in my book- IMO, the breastfeeding relationship is about both people. (Of course, I don't think that gives mothers license to be selfish, but that's not what we're talking about here).

I've been distracting dd when she asks to nurse for a few months now. She would have these marathon nursing sessions in the morning, and I started thinking- hey, maybe she's *hungry!* So I'd ask her if she wanted something to eat, and she'd nod, and I'd get her some food- that's not unAP- quite the opposite. Sometimes, I even flat out deny her a nurse- if she nursed 5 mins ago, and clearly doesn't need it for comfort or nourishment- like, she's bored- I won't nurse her- I"ll try to distract her. Again, because her needs are met, and I don't want to. Sometimes I don't mind, but sometimes I just can't. And at night, sometimes it happens too, and it's miserable because that's when she cries. And I learned it coincides with PMS for me. So, now that I know that about my body, when it gets like that (and it hasn't this cycle, thank goodness), I know what's going on, and I can tell dh, who can more effectively distract her. I still plan on child led weaning, but when they get to be this age (and my dd is 17 mos, so right about your dd's age) you can delay them, distract them, or whatnot, and it's not terrible. I'd NEVER do any of the things I just mentioned for a baby under 6 mos. Heck, I didn't start doing any of that stuff til she was over a year, honestly. But I believe there's a give and take on both sides, and it's not wrong. :hug

Edit- I reread your OP, and I think a routine is great! Don't confuse it with a "schedule"- I try to make sure we wake up, go to sleep, nap, and eat at regular times, and I try to make sure each day has a similar "flow" to it- I'm not always successful, but I try! :) And I think kids really do thrive on it- I know I do! (And I put it off for a long time, cause I felt it was somehow less "crunchy"- but that's baloney!

[mamaKristin]

I think what can make it hard is when you have a higher needs child (or phase with a child) and you are juggling the needs of more than one child at once. Hmm, that sentence 'reads' oddly to me.

My oldest was a baby/toddler who went through periods of being higher needs. As an only child for 2.5 years, it was easier to work with his needs and be very attached. My youngest is very similar in temperament to her brother, but because she is my youngest, with the older 2 not that much bigger, it's more draining on me some days. Not that I don't want to nurse her, and sit and spend the time with her, it's just that I've also got the needs of two other children that I need to work with.

Some children do GREAT in their own sleeping space from a young age. Some don't. Some want to nurse all the time as a toddler, some don't need any nursing boundaries. Regardless of your choices in how to parent, each child, each baby, will come with their own temperament and personality. No matter how you choose to parent, your child may bring something to the table that will throw your choices and plans out the window. The key to Attachment Parenting is to build attachment and meet their needs. For some children, having a loose schedule and plan will work, for others it won't. :shrug I wouldn't plan out a schedule 'now' for a baby who isn't here yet.

On the other hand, if you are feeling like you are pinned under a baby all day, maybe it's time to look at your nursing routine and see if it's time to bring in some boundaries that you both can live with.

[Gentle Journey]

Aw ladies...I have tears in my eyes :happytears Touched out...that's exactly how I feel. We're planning another baby in the fall and I have been nursing or PG for over 4 1/2 years and now I know I'm adding about another 3 to that from here. I feel like they are always clawing for me. DH has taken a job on the road. I lve with MIL and SIL and her DD. I often end up taking care of her DD and MIL works from home rigth now and is shutin her office. It's just me and these 4 kids all day and I just want everything to flow smoothly. I want things back how they were before we moved here with a schedule and the kids behaving and DH home. Sigh...52 days til we go home.


AS for weaning, we night weaned her last month. At 15 months I started trying to quit the continual nursing. IDK if I want her to stop nursing all the way. I think I do, but I dont at the same time. I'm just trying to get back toi where we were, nursing when she wakes, nap and bed time. After night weaning, I started letting her nurse more to compensate cause I felt bad. But I enjoy it when she isn't asking all day and she gets so excited when I announce "Milkie, milkie na-night" at nap and bed time. She's so cute. When she wants to switch sides she gets the biggest smile says "Pleeeease" and signs more. It's so cute.

[Ima LeShalosh]

I totally understand the exhaustion you are feeling mama and it is totally normal! Like you, I have been either PG or nursing for just about 5 years. When I finally decided to wean DS1, we were PG a couple months later...then I weaned DS2 and we ended up finding out we were PG only 2 weeks later. Breastfeeding takes a lot out of a mama...especially when it is extended BFing because the older they get, the more forceful and demanding they get for that breast and most the time it seems just to be out of boredom or needing a pacifier and *that* can become tiresome.

Just before I weaned DS2 I put him on a loose schedule. He was nearing 2 and I figured he was getting most of his nourishment from food...so I put him on a morning wake up, then nap time, then I allowed him to fall asleep on the breast but I would not allow him to latch on in the middle of the night any longer. I of course altered the schedule depending on if he was sick or what not or if he was just really needing the comfort, but for the most part we stayed on that schedule for 2 months until I weaned him a week after turning 2.

Mama, being tired and exhausted and wanting a break from nursing is NOT being anti-AP! Don't beat yourself up...you have done great by BFing as long as you have and you can be proud of that!!!!

[klpmommy]

Your siggie says she is 16 m/o. That is the point where I started to set some serious boundaries with E's nursing b/c we were in the same situation you are in- constant nursing, never sleeping w/o touching me, movies were always interrupted (although once she was asleep I could watch a fairly quiet movie with the subtitles on). It made a huge difference when I started to stop the comfort nursing. HUGE. I replaced nursing with snuggles, usually skin to skin. If that didn't work, I would let her nurse, but usually she just needed to have skin to skin time with me. Just limiting that cut down our constant nursing & did not effect her adversely (she accepted it quite well actually) & made me feel so much less touched out. It did not solve a lot of our other "problems" and tbh even fully weaned it took her a long time to sleep w/o touching me, but the constant nursing was wearing on me.

:hug

ETA- I don't think that made me any less AP. I really believe that AP is about meeting everyone's needs in the gentlest was possible & I did that. I met MY need to not nurse so often. I met HER need to have skin to skin contact/snuggles. It really was a win-win situation for US. It isn't going to work for everyone that way, but then again, not everyone feels totally touched out by 16 m of nursing either. Which is one of the things I *love* about AP. And after she was used to not comfort nursing all the time I was able to have a gentle daytime "schedule" to get her weaned- my goal was totally weaned by 2 y/o, but it would have been easy enough to wean her to 2 or 3 feedings a day. All done gently, all meeting everyone's needs (including my dh who wanted to have ME back to some degree) & all still AP.

[HomeWithMyBabies]

:hug2 That bond and trust that you have with your dd, that is the point of APing IMO. As they move from baby to toddler, it's natural to introduce some changes. You can be gentle and use a crib at the same time. Isn't is Dr. Sears that said, if you resent it, change it?

[Marsha]

If I was planning another pg when I had a 16 month old, I'd be over the edge too. That is a tough age, you are just now out of the woods with the toddler you have, and now you are resigining yourself to as you said another three years of it. that is exactly how I'd feel at this stage, too.
My youngest will be two in a month, and she would nurse all day if I let her. I am AP, but at that age, allowing them to nurse all the time is just not teaching them respect for my body. They already know by now that I am a separate person, and therefore have seprate needs. So that's my opinion. I do still sleep with mine and she has unfettered access to the breast, but it isn't keeping me awake or making me resentful. The daytime nursing was so I put her off as much as possible.
I guess my point is, I think "planning" another baby is stressing you out on top of having a toddler. Also, setting limits is part of growing up and it's our job to help our babies grow up in appropriate time frames. IMO, that is setting some limits on unfettered nursing in the toddler stage.
(((hugs)))

[Gentle Journey]

She's actually 19 months now. I need to update that :shifty I was a huge on co-sleeping. The two co-slept for the first two months then on and off. They still come in sometimes, lol. I was going to try to have DS sleep in a crib but at a few days old, I fell asleep and almost dropped him! SO back to co-sleeping we went. With DD2, I just never moved her out. I wasn't tired at all. I couldn't understand why anyone wouldn't want to co-sleep. Till she was about 10 months. Then it got crazy. Then about 2 months ago, I started not being able to sleep through her nursing. I was aware of her suckling and her fiddling with the other side and she was always wanting to switch. So we night weaned her.

I guess I'm more concerned with the fact that I'm concidering scheduling my next one and not co-sleeping at all than he fact I want to wean my 19 month old.

[klpmommy]

I think that if you set boundaries with your dd now you will feel less like scheduling the next b/c you will have had a break. I did schedule P (BW style) & there were many,many times I felt like I had messed up E b/c of her constant needs. People like katiekind were a *huge* help to me in my worst days. I night weaned E at 18 m, too. It helped, but it did not help her to sleep a lot better, but at least I wasn't being nursed on all night. :hug

[Gentle Journey]

I guess I'm luck there. AShley will sleep til at least 5:30am now, but usally 6 or 7. If she wakes in the middle of the night, I still bring her in bed but she doesn't try to nurse.

[Katigre]

I'm so sick of our nursing relationship coming to a point where I feel pinned under a baby all day long and demanded of 24/7.
I think this is partly her age (my DS is a similar age) and also a need for you to set some nursing boundaries. It has nothing to do with AP vs. scheduling - she is not a young infant, which is where scheduling can be detrimental. For an older toddler, a schedule helps a lot as long as it's not super rigid - 'make the schedule work for you, don't be a slave to the schedule' type of idea ;).

What I was thinking was looking more for baby's cues and trying to see if I could look for other ways to soothe her or other things that were wrong instead of automitically shoving a breast in her mouth when she cries even if I only nursed 10 minutes ago.
There is no AP tenet that says you must nurse each time baby cries regardless of the reason. AP is about following a baby's cues - that's what i do. I am really curious as to where you got the idea that part of AP meant giving the breast whenever a baby cried? If i knew my baby had just nursed well i would try other soothing things first - bouncing, walking around, a new toy, etc... There are times my DS comes over and tugs on my shirt as if he wants to nurse - but what he really means is that he is bored or hungry for real food (he is 15 months - with an 8 month old baby tugging on my shirt, that means 'i need to nurse'!). There are other times he tugs on my shirt and needs to nurse. I watch his cues to tell the difference. If i haven't nursed him for awhile, i nurse right away. If he just nursed a little while ago, I give him regular food or a toy. Nursing is one very important tool in my 'comfort tools' parenting toolbox - it is not the only one!

I like that we sit down and enjoy a nice nurse and snuggle instead of the up-down, up-down, up-down several times an hour.
If you are not ok with this then set a nursing boundary that she cannot go up-down-up-down. It's not all-or-nothing!

I like the idea of just placing a baby in the crib and she goes to sleep. I was able to do it with no tears with Ashley for the first few weeks but we moved and di n't put up the crib right away and she stopped.
There are a very few babies who do this without crying. The majority of my friends whose babies sleep in cribs either have to go back in several times a night OR they have had to do CIO multiple times (i would say about once or twice a month they have a few nights of lots of CIO - this from when they first start around 4-6 months until their child is well into toddlerhood). Babies take a lot of parenting to sleep and it is draining. You can work to not get her attached to nursing to sleep - but she will still likely need lots of attention to sleep until she is older unless she is one of the few easy sleepers or you do CIO.

I just want rountine in my life. Dont children thrive on routine? I'm just feeling over run by my kids I guess....
Routines are a great thing and help family life run more smoothly. It sounds like you have equated AP with no boundaries and need to change that dynamic. It is not your specific choices so much as how you are implementing them - not setting limits, not considering your needs in a nursing relationship with an older toddler, etc... Tweak it and it will be much better.

[illinoismommy]

By what you describe in your first post I can see why you might be tired, you said that you offer the breast even if it has only been 10 minutes, and that you would like it to be more like 2 hours between. I don't think that's unreasonable, and I don't think it requires scheduling either, just making sure you feed baby good and then they will be full and you know that if they cry in 10 minutes its something else they need. (well unless its growth spurt time) At least that has been the case for us, breastmilk or not. You don't need to schedule to have a little space there.... don't do scheduling.

We don't cosleep for that very reason, I need that amount of space, that time during the night when I am not being touched. We've tried it a few times, it just wasn't for us (not to mention the spit up), and baby has always been happy in a crib near our bed. I carry and hold baby a lot during the day to make up for it. That's my unpopular opinion for the day. I hope I didn't break any rules.

I feel this way is right for my family, children and parents, and I don't judge other people's choices, if they judge mine that's between them and God. I sure love my babies tons. :heart

:hug2

[illinoismommy]

I like the idea of just placing a baby in the crib and she goes to sleep. I was able to do it with no tears with Ashley for the first few weeks but we moved and di n't put up the crib right away and she stopped.
There are a very few babies who do this without crying. The majority of my friends whose babies sleep in cribs either have to go back in several times a night OR they have had to do CIO multiple times


Its actually not hard to have a baby that you put down to sleep in the evening without any crying. You are right about the visiting several times a night though, that's pretty standard, but the initial putting baby down to sleep can be done easily without crying. :shrug

[Katigre]

I like the idea of just placing a baby in the crib and she goes to sleep. I was able to do it with no tears with Ashley for the first few weeks but we moved and di n't put up the crib right away and she stopped.
There are a very few babies who do this without crying. The majority of my friends whose babies sleep in cribs either have to go back in several times a night OR they have had to do CIO multiple times


Its actually not hard to have a baby that you put down to sleep in the evening without any crying. You are right about the visiting several times a night though, that's pretty standard, but the initial putting baby down to sleep can be done easily without crying. :shrug
Sorry, i worded that poorly. I meant that crib sleeping doesn't mean that the majority of babies sleep fantastically without either CIO or lots of nighttime going in to feed, comfort and resettle them - whether the initial putting them down for sleep and/or nightwakings.

Just like cosleeping doesn't automatically mean that the baby and mom will both sleep fantastically - for some families it does, for some it doesn't. I would say to you Sarah that when your DD reached 10 months and started waking all the time and cosleeping wasn't working, that was a good time to try crib sleeping instead. If it were me, I would have the crib in my room so that the baby was still near me, but maybe would sleep better with a few feet of distance.

[RealLifeMama]

By what you describe in your first post I can see why you might be tired, you said that you offer the breast even if it has only been 10 minutes, and that you would like it to be more like 2 hours between. I don't think that's unreasonable, and I don't think it requires scheduling either, just making sure you feed baby good and then they will be full and you know that if they cry in 10 minutes its something else they need. (well unless its growth spurt time) At least that has been the case for us, breastmilk or not. You don't need to schedule to have a little space there.... don't do scheduling.

I would say this is OK for an older child, but a little baby, if they are acting hungry 10 minutes after a feeding, I would think they were still hungry and an appt with an LC would be advisable. Don't deny nursing or offer a paci or assume they are tired or whatever.

[illinoismommy]

By what you describe in your first post I can see why you might be tired, you said that you offer the breast even if it has only been 10 minutes, and that you would like it to be more like 2 hours between. I don't think that's unreasonable, and I don't think it requires scheduling either, just making sure you feed baby good and then they will be full and you know that if they cry in 10 minutes its something else they need. (well unless its growth spurt time) At least that has been the case for us, breastmilk or not. You don't need to schedule to have a little space there.... don't do scheduling.

I would say this is OK for an older child, but a little baby, if they are acting hungry 10 minutes after a feeding, I would think they were still hungry and an appt with an LC would be advisable. Don't deny nursing or offer a paci or assume they are tired or whatever.


If they are acting hungry yes, don't quote me as though I said not to feed a hungry baby because that's not what I said. :hunh Unless there are nursing issues or a growth spurt a baby does not need to eat every 10 minutes :shrug .... besides once you get to know your baby, they have hunger behavior and tired behavior and play with me behavior, etc.

[Linnis]

I transitioned my son to a crib at 5 months WITHOUT crying. It's possible. Yes, I did comfort him 20 times that first night but I never let him cry. At first I put him down asleep so he'd wake up in his crib. Then I started putting him down sleepy and now I can put him down awake and he's fine. He knows if he says mum mum I hear him on the monitor and I'm right there or Daddy is. Now he actually will say da da da to get Daddy. :heart

He sleeps most of the way through the night(normally 6-8 hours before he wakes up, then again 2-4 hours) without nursing. At night if he gets up within 2 hours of his last nursing, I will offer the paci because most of the time he just wants to suck.He sucks for a couple minutes and gets back into his deep sleep and the pacifier falls out.

At 19 months old, I don't think it's bad to have him night weaned.


I need my sleep and my space, I have chronic pain, migraines etc If I get a migraine once to twice a week, I can't function. So working towards him sleeping in his own bed and sleeping large blocks of sleep at night is better for us.

[Gentle Journey]

quote author=Katigre link=topic=122248.msg1191727#msg1191727 date=1183658221]

There is no AP tenet that says you must nurse each time baby cries regardless of the reason. AP is about following a baby's cues - that's what i do. I am really curious as to where you got the idea that part of AP meant giving the breast whenever a baby cried? If i knew my baby had just nursed well i would try other soothing things first - bouncing, walking around, a new toy, etc... There are times my DS comes over and tugs on my shirt as if he wants to nurse - but what he really means is that he is bored or hungry for real food (he is 15 months - with an 8 month old baby tugging on my shirt, that means 'i need to nurse'!). There are other times he tugs on my shirt and needs to nurse. I watch his cues to tell the difference. If i haven't nursed him for awhile, i nurse right away. If he just nursed a little while ago, I give him regular food or a toy. Nursing is one very important tool in my 'comfort tools' parenting toolbox - it is not the only one!

[quote]

IDK...I guess I just felt like if my baby was fussy, I should try to nurse her cause that will make her stop crying, except when it's colic. So if baby is fussy and changed, not hot or cold or anything else even if s/he's just fed, I usually end up nursing cause I dont know how else to comfort them. I guess I just felt like if I knew nursing would make them stop crying , I should do it. But then this stes up the pattern of the nursing 5 times an hour.

[Katigre]

Well then it sounds like you just need to add some other comfort tools to your parenting toolbox :). Nursing is one awesome comfort, but it's not the only one. If it were, then dads and other caregivers wouldn't be able to calm an upset baby down! Here are the ones I used:

- Babywearing - a carrier often helped calm him down right away
- Nursing
- Going outside (this was the magic bullet with my DS!)
- Walking
- Bouncing/dancing
- Swaddling
- White noise (ex. vacuum, static on radio, ssshhhing in the ear a la Happiest Baby on the Block)
- Music from a CD
- Singing
- Rocking
- Change of person - handing the baby to dad/grandma/etc...
- Swing
- Bouncy seat
- Car Rides
- Going on an errand - sometimes my DS liked being in a store with the bright lights and things to see

These are all options that you can consider as tools to use depending on your baby and particular situation :).

[illinoismommy]

I always run through this mini mental check list when Maya is fussing

is she hungry?
is she tired?
is she needing a new diaper?
is she bored?

Unless she is sick/in pain, it is always one of those things..... :)

[Linnis]

Yep, the check list. I even wrote it down for DH who gets flustered with a sad baby. Right now the greatest 'tool' is chicken noises. Yep.

[RealLifeMama]

That checklist is fine and good, but little babies main source of comfort can be the breast and that is OK. Comfort nursing is OK. Nursing is about more than hunger.
Just because a baby is not "hungry" does not mean that they can't nurse.
God references and esteems comfort nursing.

Besides, with my son, many things on that list did make him feel better and stop crying momentarily, but he was still starving. :shrug
A baby ought to be content 10 minutes after a feeding and if they are not, there is probably a reason and it should be looked for. That is guilt talking, since I tried many other things first instead of nursing, and my baby was starving. Sure, he was tired, sure he sounded overstimulated, sure, he wanted to be played with, but he still needed to nurse.

[Katigre]

That checklist is fine and good, but little babies main source of comfort can be the breast and that is OK. Comfort nursing is OK. Nursing is about more than hunger.
Just because a baby is not "hungry" does not mean that they can't nurse.
God references and esteems comfort nursing.
ITA with you. But I think we can agree that if mom is feeling touched-out by all the comfort nursing, particularly with an older infant/toddler, that it is good to explore other means of soothing the baby as well. Like I said above - nursing is one very important tool in my comforting toolbox, but it is not my only tool. The OP said that they didn't really know what else to do besides nurse and that got them into a pattern they were not ok with so we were providing alternatives. :)

[illinoismommy]

But I think we can agree that if mom is feeling touched-out by all the comfort nursing, particularly with an older infant/toddler, that it is good to explore other means of soothing the baby as well. Like I said above - nursing is one very important tool in my comforting toolbox, but it is not my only tool. The OP said that they didn't really know what else to do besides nurse and that got them into a pattern they were not ok with so we were providing alternatives. :)


Right I thought that's what we were talking about, I'm not going to tell someone who loves a lot of comfort nursing not to do it .... I see I am grossly misunderstood on this thread. I should stay away from baby threads!

[Marsha]

You know,t eh transition to toddler from baby is a tough one for AP parents. I see it all the time, and experienced it myself.
At some point, and it is not a magic date, they are not babies. Comfort nursing is awesome for babies, I do it myself, and I personally think it can be healthy that a baby nurses and pops off and nruses and pops off 5 times an hour. Not socially okay these days, but perfectly acceptable, normal, and healthy.
When they become DEMANDING about it, and scream at you for not nursing and are capable of eating table food and drinking from a cup...............they are a toddler, and 5 times an hour is ridiculous unless you are okay with it.
Speaking for myself here of course, I have a 23 month old who nurses at least 6 times a day and wants more. She also nurses half the night, but I'm asleep so I don';t care.
But when she got demanding and forceful and ugly about it, I realized that picking her up and ptuting her on breast every time she wanted was doing neither of us any favors.

And to my other point I made a few posts back, I was really stressing over tonso f behaviors from my oldest dd. Some wise person pointed out that perhaps I was stressed about homeschooling her this fall, and it was throwing into deep bas-relief my "fear" of her behaviors, respect, etc.
I still say that a lot of the OP's resentment and fear comes from the impending planned baby. God has a way of working these things out, and things change, so by the time a baby is conceived and born, a lot of the harder things ahve disappeared from our memories, and it doesn't look so bleak.

[klpmommy]

You know,t eh transition to toddler from baby is a tough one for AP parents. I see it all the time, and experienced it myself.
At some point, and it is not a magic date, they are not babies. Comfort nursing is awesome for babies, I do it myself, and I personally think it can be healthy that a baby nurses and pops off and nruses and pops off 5 times an hour. Not socially okay these days, but perfectly acceptable, normal, and healthy.
When they become DEMANDING about it, and scream at you for not nursing and are capable of eating table food and drinking from a cup...............they are a toddler, and 5 times an hour is ridiculous unless you are okay with it.
Speaking for myself here of course, I have a 23 month old who nurses at least 6 times a day and wants more. She also nurses half the night, but I'm asleep so I don';t care.
But when she got demanding and forceful and ugly about it, I realized that picking her up and ptuting her on breast every time she wanted was doing neither of us any favors.

And to my other point I made a few posts back, I was really stressing over tonso f behaviors from my oldest dd. Some wise person pointed out that perhaps I was stressed about homeschooling her this fall, and it was throwing into deep bas-relief my "fear" of her behaviors, respect, etc.
I still say that a lot of the OP's resentment and fear comes from the impending planned baby. God has a way of working these things out, and things change, so by the time a baby is conceived and born, a lot of the harder things ahve disappeared from our memories, and it doesn't look so bleak.


ITA. It is different to AP a baby & a toddler. And when the OP does get pregnant & the baby is born her toddler will be older & onto other things. I went from doing BW with P to not doing BW with E & gradually moved to being AP. I learned many things & one is that how I "handle" a baby is different than how I "handle" a toddler & that is okay. I comfort nursed w/o any problem until somewhere b/w 12 & 16 m when it got to where it bothered me & I was able to wean her from comfort nursing at that point. Prior to that I could run through a checklist & I did have other tools to soothe her, but nursing was easy & readily available so it was my most frequent method of comfort prior to 16 m. And I plan to do that again- although my timeframe of weaning may be different- it depends on the baby's personality.

[Gentle Journey]

I didn't misunderstand you illinoismommy :heart

YOu know, I'm ok with nursing a wee one 5 times an hour when they are so little. It's when it develops into a pattern and it is about 15 months for us when they start demanding it and they screamy unconsolibly if they dont get it RIGHT NOW that drives me insane. But with all three, those first few months, when they just wantto suckle all day it seems, I'm ok with that. It's the demanding toddlerhood that I dont like.

[Marsha]

I didn't misunderstand you illinoismommy :heart

YOu know, I'm ok with nursing a wee one 5 times an hour when they are so little. It's when it develops into a pattern and it is about 15 months for us when they start demanding it and they screamy unconsolibly if they dont get it RIGHT NOW that drives me insane. But with all three, those first few months, when they just wantto suckle all day it seems, I'm ok with that. It's the demanding toddlerhood that I dont like.


OOOH, I understand! Mine did that bad and itwas just a few months ago. I realized she was screaming about everything, so I set a boundary that I wouldn't nurse if hse screamed for it.
I would say "no nurse, no scream at mommy" and put her down and walk away. I also decide the times I will nurse, and say "no nurse" when it's not the right time. And I don't mean "time", I mean general time of day, like before nap, after nap, right before dinner, etc.