Make me more AP

[COTK]

How AP am I?
~I do not watch the clock with regard to breastfeeding, other than to see what time it is that she’s eating so that when she cries again, I am better able to guess what she needs. I think this is bfing on demand… ?
~We co-sleep about 9 out 10 nights.
~I do wear her when I’m on a walk and when I put in a couple hours at the office a week. I was wearing her a lot more at home, but have gotten out of the habit a little bit at home because she’s getting bigger and it is honestly quite difficult to do dishes with a big lump in the front of you. And it’s different when she’s worn up high than when I was pregnant because when I wear her up high, I can’t look down very well.
~I do use a paci. She’s not very consistent in how she want to go to sleep. *Rarely* does she want to nurse to sleep. Most of the time she nurses, then a hour later will be swaddled with the paci to go to sleep. Then I set her down in our bed to sleep. :hiding But most of the time it's only after rocking for 30-45 mins... :bag
~About half the time I hold her while I’m doing stuff at home, stuff that can be done with one hand, and about the other half she’s in the car seat (with blankets and extra padding) right next to me so that she can see me, but I can use both hands.
~Responding to cries. This one has me a bit “concerned” if you will. So, I’m doing the dishes with her in the car seat right next to me, up on the table so she can see me. We talk to each other back and forth. (She’s a great storyteller!) But after a while, she’ll start to fuss…. But I only have a couple dishes left!! So, most of the time, I’ll finish what I’m doing so that I can give her my full attention. Sometimes that could be up to 2 or 3 mins or so, and she’s fussing the whole time, and I’m rushing through to get what I was doing done. If I’m close to being done, I typically don’t drop what I’m doing upon the first fuss. Now, if there’s a lot left, like if she started fussing at the beginning of the dishes project, I would stop, because I know there’s quite a bit left to do.

I guess I’m saying I don’t always immediately drop what I’m doing…sometimes it takes a few minutes. And the sitting next to me in the car seat thing… Do those disqualify me as an AP mom?? :nails :paranoid Can you make me more AP?

[MarynMunchkins]

AP isn't a list of rules. :no If it works for you and your babe, :tu

[COTK]

Ok, maybe the biting the nails, hiding behind the computer, and talking about being disqualified was a little too goofy. ;) I'm really just wondering if I want to consider myself AP, are those things I'm a little, well, maybe guilty about, ok? Earlier on in the beginning, when I would set her down for any reason, I really had a ugly voice saying, "Oh, yeah, you consider yourself AP, huh? What are you doing setting her down?" :(

[HomeWithMyBabies]

I've heard that ugly voice. For me it was post partum hormones talking. :neutral

I consider myself 100% AP...but I don't do every thing on the list. ;)

[SouthPaw]

I've heard that ugly voice. For me it was post partum hormones talking. :neutral

I consider myself 100% AP...but I don't do every thing on the list. ;)



:yes

[Herbwifemama]

Yeah, there are certain things most APers have in common- but the biggest one is listening to your child's needs, and responding accordingly, not listening to outside sources- in other words, your child is the biggest expert on your child- make them your guru.

[Ima LeShalosh]

AP is more a mindset than a list of DOs and don'ts! It's moving away from the mainstream way of thinking that your child is just another part of your family....it's moving into the mindset that your children are the CENTER of your family and your lives revolve around them. It's hard to be an AP parent if you don't have an AP partner that believes the same as you do(I tried it in my 1st marriage with my 1st son and it was not pretty). Hubby and I both sacrifice alot of self for our children, but we know that the Lord gave them to us...not just as an addition to our family, but to complete our family.

[ArmsOfLove]

other than the paci which my children wouldn't take (even when offered :shifty) you sound like how I handle things :shrug

[Herbwifemama]

It's moving away from the mainstream way of thinking that your child is just another part of your family....it's moving into the mindset that your children are the CENTER of your family and your lives revolve around them.

Wow, as an AP parent, I strongly disagree with that. I believe that dh and I are the center of the family, and our kids revolve around us like spokes on a wheel. That doesn't mean we treat our kids like second class citizens, but we don't make our lives revolve around them. I think being child centered makes for difficult children. We strive to be family centered (though recently I noticed myself becoming more child centered, and have taken steps to remedy that.)

[MissusLeata]

My baby is due in a couple of weeks and I plan to consider myself AP.....and I don't think that children or parents are the center of the home. Christ should be. And I think that the family is a whole, not divided into big and little people who have different values.

If dh is sick and really needs attention, he should get it. If baby is hungry and so is he, it's not about who is the center of the home, it's about who has the biggest need that they can't meet. He can grab a sandwhich and the baby can't.

Anyway, to me, making one set of family members the center pits one group against the other. :shrug

[Soliloquy]

other than the paci which my children wouldn't take (even when offered :shifty) you sound like how I handle things :shrug


:yes I don't drop eveything immediately for fussing if I'm almost done, either. Heart-wrenching cries, yes, but fussing, no.

You're an AP mom. :yes It's tempting to compare yourself to others but it's rarely helpful.

[HomeWithMyBabies]

.....and I don't think that children or parents are the center of the home. Christ should be. And I think that the family is a whole, not divided into big and little people who have different values.


That's how I look at it, too. :yes If we are striving to please God and follow His direction, the family's needs as a healthy system will be met.

[Ima LeShalosh]

I don't think I stated myself well....if you look at the Ezzo way of parenting, they speak hugely about making every effort to keep the child as a simple addition and not to ever allow their needs to dictate your life. I am sorry, but that is not what we are called to do as parents. Their needs DO and SHOULD dictate certain aspects of our lives. AP parents keep their child's needs at the forefront of their parenting...whether it be co-sleeping, demand feeding, not allowing a child to CIO, and the list goes on and on. The mainstream parent (specifically the Ezzo parent) does not follow these practices...they find a schedule that works for THEM and NOT for the child! If you put a mainstream parent next to an AP parent you will see clearly that the child is more centered in the family than that of the mainstream families.

It's going a little far to suggest that I was stating that the child should be placed before God :/ The Lord is TOTALLY the center of our family and the assumption that I was saying something different is unjust

[MissusLeata]

I'm sorry that I misunderstood you. When I studied the Ezzo's years ago, I remember that they taught "parent-centeredness" as opposed to "child-centeredness." I found them both to be unScriptural. I wasn't accusing you of not putting Christ first...just saying that Christ-centeredness should be our goal.

[Herbwifemama]

I was not aware that language was used in Ezzo's writings. I've never read Ezzo- I've read The Continuum Concept though, and she talks about not being child centered, but rather "family centered"- which was what I was getting at in my post, but I don't think I worded it well, especially considering that Ezzo used the term "parent centered"- I don't believe in putting our needs as parents over the child either, I believe in balancing the needs of the family as a whole over the individual needs of each member.

[MissusLeata]

The Ezzo's teach that AP is all about making the children selfish and the center of our lives...yadda, yadda, yadda....we know how well they represent AP. :( So, they present their version of the right way to remedy that....Couch time and all that stuff. It's all about the adults. They probably don't use the phrase "parent-centered," but they definitely teach a very adult-centered world.

[hopeforchange]

i definitely agree with the idea of being family centered. before we had dd, we planned to just incorporate her into our lives...while ezzo is parent centered, in a way it's not. some ppl are so schedule oriented, that the parents never do anything b/c their kids' schedule is so important and can't be changed. whereas, to me, when you are just worried about meeting your child's needs when they come up, it's much easier to just take them along with you. i dont' have to carry bottles with me, my child sleeps with me (in bed or in the ergo or in my arms), she doesn't need a crib or playpen to sleep in, etc. so we incorporated her into our lives...isn't that the idea in the continuum concept? that the children follow the adults and learn that way?

anyways, i don't know if that makes any sense or not...hopefully it does! :)

[hink4687]

You sound very AP to me! I wouldn't worry about labels and just focus on loving your baby. :hug :heart

[COTK]

Thanks for the great discussion and encouragement that I'm not "bad" for setting her down... :)

Someone brought up the Continum Concept. I've read quite a lot on her site... she seems very new agey and evolution minded, so I didn't pursue getting the book... is there very much of that stuff to weed out when reading it? I found the main ideas fascinating and desperately wanted to emulate some of it, but I just got tired of "weeding". What Is her book like?

[mybodymyself]

:popcorn

[Herbwifemama]

It's been a long time since I read the book- I never got a New Agey vibe from it... evolution... possibly. But I find myself mentally weeding through evolutionary assumptions in just about everything I read, so it didn't bother me. I think it's a really wonderful book- more informative than about parenting- you can get a lot of the same information in "Our Babies Ourselves".

[COTK]

Is that by the same author?