Reconnecting with children after punitive parenting?

[apmommyto4]

Our oldest just turned 9, and we ap'ed from the time he was born--until lately. Over the past year, we've slipped back into more punitive parenting after I visted the Amish country and got on some mailing lists. :cry We got lots of materials from Rod and Staff, Christian Light, etc. that talked about spanking. Everywhere we went up there, the children were SO obedient and well-behaved! I thought that maybe we were setting our children up for a hard time as adults by not being "tougher" on them. I'm so relieved to be able to say that we only spanked a few times, but I am heartbroken over it. We get comments all the time about how sweet, loving, and well=behaved our children are--I can't believe I ever doubted our parenting! Anyway, I feel a bit disconnected from our children since all this happened, and want to devote this summer to reconnecting to them (2, 5, and 9). Any ideas on how to reconnect after punitive parenting? :(

[fourbygrace]

:heart :popcorn

Looking forward to any responses you get too.

Blessings,
Mary

[ReedleBeetle]

I am interested in this also. So the Amish spank? That kind of surprises me.

[Mother Duck]

:hug We have had our fair (or unfair) share of using punitive parenting. Here are some reconnecting with your children (in no particular order):
- lots of quality time
- being there for them
- cuddling
- reading stories
- sharing sleeping areas (our 9 yo still loves to come in a cuddle in bed :heart)
- slinging the younger one
- listening to their hearts
- asking forgiveness

That's just a few things that come to mind.

[MarynMunchkins]

I think anything you do specifically to spend time with your kids helps reconnect. :)

[BornFreeBaby]

I have apologized in the past and said that our family will no longer hit eachother, mom and dad included, and that we were sorry for how things happened in the past, but now we would be able to move on responding to eachother in love and respect. :heart

[chellejd]

There's a good book by Becky Bailey called "Love Rituals" that has activities in it for reconnecting. It's pretty good. I also agree with PP on really just spending time with them. Maybe since you have 3 kids, spending time 1 on 1 would make a difference too.

[Joanne]

I'd like to recommend two old books:

How To Really Love Your Child

How To Really Love Your Teenager

[ArmsOfLove]

lots of great ideas already :heart