Teaching my kids to help.

[Cheyenne]

Okay, here is the situation. My kids have not been properly taught how to help out, how to clean up after themselves, etc. I admit that for many years I was very permissive due to being sick, Fibro flares, and depression. I have started to work with them to throw their trash away and remove their dishes from the table, and on occasion they help with laundry. Unfortunately, they have gotten the idea that they don't have to clean up any mess that they themselves didn't make and of course they occasionally forget that they made a mess. Also their rules change. If someone else got it out even though they played with it, they don't have to clean it up or if they got it out, but didn't play with it much and then someone else played with it then they don't have to clean it up. My son has difficulty with this especially. His brain gets stuck on things and it is very hard to focus him to clean or accept that he ought to clean. I am overwhelmed with all the work there is to do and they are excellent mess makers. They take me for granted and I want them to start helping and taking more responsibility for cleaning up. I need a game plan. I want it to be as relaxed as possible. I struggle with perfectionism and yelling. :blush I need help working with stubborn refusal and then complete meltdowns by 7year olds. My kids on occasion want to help and love to clean on occasion if it is something like mopping, dusting or washing dishes. Those are great things to help with, but sometimes I need more help with cleaning up toys, paper, clothes, etc. How can I help my older children to start accepting they need to help even if they didn't make that mess. I also hurt too much right now to always physically make them. Please help! I want to make it something that we do together as a family because we are a team and we help each other. Right now they have too much of a self-focus and only do what they want when they want. :blush

[MarynMunchkins]

My 7 yo does much better with a list of chores. He has a room list and a bathroom list.

Put dirty laundry in the hamper
Put clean laundry in drawers
Put toys in containers
Put containers on shelves
Throw away trash
Make bed (which I let slide quite a bit because he's in a bunkbed ;) )

I also have seen a lot of improvement since I started doing an allowance. It's not tied to chores, but I stress that they get it because they are a member of our family. And as a member, there are responsibilities that come with the money. :)

[crunchymum]

:hugheart

did you see the lara gallagher website? teach your kids to work? it's been a huge help with my kids... we deal with the "i didn't take it out so i don't have to put it away" thing, too. :rolleyes we're getting better, though, and it's true that the more i have them near me, either helping me or working on something else in the same room, the less disaster happens elsewhere.


http://laragallagher.com/blog/labels/Organize%20Your%20Kids.html

[Cheyenne]

Thank you both for the ideas. I really wish I had started earlier. :yes

[crunchymum]

I really wish I had started earlier. :yes


my goodness, i wish we had, too!

[Jemma2]

I second the chore list, but for the daily clean-ups I'm really working with my kids to get them to put away one thing before getting out another. Or sometimes have a "5 minute pick-up". Set a timer and see how much you can get picked up in the time. Sometimes I'll tell each one to pick up the same number of items as their age, just to feel like a little bit is being done throughout the day. 7 things if you're 7, etc. When DS complains that he didn't make the mess, I usually remind him that sometimes I clean up toys too when I didn't play with them.

[tempus vernum]

Have you thought about a family meeting or even a short brainstorming session - in Positive Discipline A to Z Jane Nelson has GREAT ideas of ways to make it easier to get kids involved I'm Nak :nak2 but it's things like a chore wheel, a chore board, putting chores in a hat andpulling one out. She also has age appropriate tasks listed for each age. I use this section of her book a lot. In fact, I am going to get it out again to work on these because I try to pay attentnion as each child gets older to increase responsibiility slowly. If you got this book (even from the library and copied this section), you could start at the first age range and spend a month teaching responsibilities in each section until they are up to their age range.

One thing I do is keep a list of things they are capable and taught to do and let them choose. "would you like to empty or load the dishwasher?" Would you like to fold towels or hang up your clothes? Who is going to get the bathroom garbage and who is getting the computer garbage? Etc.


When we have the "I didn't get it out. I won't put it away" I remind them we are a familiy and I clean up after others often. I also remind them of the agreed upon rule (that toys go to toy jail if they aren't picked up during pick up time. if they aren't put away the next day when toy jail comes down it gets donated). We still have lots of melt downs about it but I remind myself I get annoyed by all the picking up after people I do and so I try to give them grace but it's still hard :hugheart

For us, chores are cyclical and we have our ups and downs. Some days/weeks are great, others are a struggle. Since this is how I am about housework, I try to take lots of deep breaths :hug

Remember its a process for all of us - ourselves and our kids :hug

[crunchymum]

Remember its a process for all of us - ourselves and our kids :hug


:yes :hug2