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View Full Version : bridal shower for two Gothardites


heidisue
02-27-2007, 09:51 AM
Our former pastor's oldest daughter is engaged to a young man who also grew up in a deeply entrenched Gothard family. We were once very close to this family. This particular daughter played piano at our wedding. The dad officiated at our wedding. He and his wife "counseled" us for years. They were also the ones who led a parenting seminar at church based almost entirely on a sickeningly toxic mix of Tripp/Gothard/Pearl and Ezzo with a dash of Ross Campbell to keep it from all coming back up with a lurch. All of that is a huge bag of mixed goods. We just got an invite to the daughter's bridal shower. I feel like we're expected to go, my daughters and I, although we have not been a part of their church for 4 years now (Thank God!). I might consider it if the mother weren't so controlling. I might consider it if I didn't mind seeing people I haven't seen for years and really don't want to see right now.

In some ways i think I should reply to the invite with specific reasons why I do not plan on attending but I won't because I know it would do no good and would be a waste of my energy.

DogwoodMama
02-27-2007, 10:10 AM
Hi Heidi! :)

That's sad. :( I would probably just decline politely. :hug

SPKarenO
02-27-2007, 10:14 AM
Dandylion - i have no advice to give to you, though I don't think it would behoove you to send a reply with reasons for not coming that don't pertain to the bride.

BUT that's not why I'm posting.

Is that your DC hanging from the clothes line with clothespins?? THAT IS AWESOME!!!

heidisue
02-27-2007, 10:30 AM
Is that your DC hanging from the clothes line with clothespins?? THAT IS AWESOME!!!


he-he....Nope, not mine. It's just a pic I found online long ago that always makes me laugh. I needed something like that with my ds Timothy at that time. He's the one that made me see the practicality of a velco suit that could be stuck to the wall. Imagine how much easier showers would have been.

Wholly Mama
02-27-2007, 10:57 AM
(((((((Heidi)))))))))

I've missed you, mama!!

I think I would decline the invite, but yeah, no real good it would do to tell them all the reasons why.
Just pray for the new couple, that they may somehow break away from the lifestyle they've been entrenched in.

heidisue
02-27-2007, 11:45 AM
Hi Amy! I read your most recent birth story on your blog recently. Congrats! :)

CelticJourney
02-27-2007, 12:21 PM
I guess you could politely decline and send a gift - maybe Crystals new 'grace based living' book. :giggle

heidisue
02-27-2007, 12:24 PM
:lol I'm tempted to not even respond. If I say anything to them it's likely to be something like "REPENT!!!"

MarynMunchkins
02-27-2007, 12:27 PM
Heidi! :hug Welcome back! :mrgreen

Sounds like a good day to plan a family trip - long and involved. ;)

righteous mama
02-27-2007, 12:30 PM
Heidi! :jump

I like that...REPENT! :giggle You could send a gift (perhaps Crystal's new book on grace-based families) and a note (sending this wonderful book to you as you start your new family. may you always remember God's grace as you cherish each other and raise your children).

Katherine
02-27-2007, 12:32 PM
If there's an RSVP, send it back with the "decline" option--no need for an explanation

If they didn't ask for a response, then you don't owe them one. It's entirely up to your discretion if you want to send a card or gift.

I think, in your position, I would probably at least acknowledge the invite for the sake of the betrothed couple.... send a card or a small gift to wish them well (I would just send a general wedding gift--not specifically a "shower" gift since you aren't attending). They're not the ones who hurt you, if I understand correctly.

heidisue
02-27-2007, 12:52 PM
I think, in your position, I would probably at least acknowledge the invite for the sake of the betrothed couple.... send a card or a small gift to wish them well (I would just send a general wedding gift--not specifically a "shower" gift since you aren't attending). They're not the ones who hurt you, if I understand correctly.


this whole thing stirred up some old emotions. no the daughter and her fiance personally did not hurt me but the philosophy by which they live their lives hurt us deeply. i should have nothing against the daughter but knowing how her family is and what they think of my choices during the last 4-5 years i get offended just thinking about it.

i think it's best for me, for my sense of peace, to simply ignore the invite. they are not friends. i don't want a relationship with them. by sending a gift or even a reply decling the invite i think i'd be allowing myself to be drawn back into their circle.

righteous mama
02-27-2007, 02:05 PM
i think it's best for me, for my sense of peace, to simply ignore the invite. they are not friends. i don't want a relationship with them. by sending a gift or even a reply decling the invite i think i'd be allowing myself to be drawn back into their circle.

I think that is wise.

Katherine
02-27-2007, 02:20 PM
(( Danylion ))

That makes total sense, and if that's where your gut is leading you, then you should follow it. :yes :hug2