Help me change my reaction to picky eating

[Quiteria]

Dh and dd are both picky eaters. We have a very limited repetoire of food, and they do get bored. However, if I make anything new, they both hate it, and I end up having to eat leftovers by myself all week. At which point, I start seething with frustration, wondering why I even bother. It has gotten to the point that we all eat separately, because dh used to fend for himself, and I was starting to get angry watching dd pick at things.

Now, I have been reading Families Where Grace Is in Place, and realizing that I need to not take my self-worth from my performance as a cook, or their performance as eaters. But, I do. As a SAHM, I feel like I'm *supposed* to put meals on the table, and they are *supposed* to like those meals. And I have tried letting dh be the cook--he procrastinates until we are all starved, even on days when he's home. I've tried addressing that with him--dd needs to eat by a certain time, in order to get her bath and ready for bed for school, and that means the cooking has got to start earlier before we're hungry...it doesn't work. :banghead So, it looks like I need to continue trying to be the chef. :(

I've also been reading Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Common Sense. I am really impressed with what I've read so far. I'm learning that I need to focus on eating with my child instead of feeding my child. Essentially, we need to get back to enjoying family meals in which we enjoy each others company, so that she can see us model eating other food, and stop turning it into a battle of wills over whether she will eat this or that. It makes sense; it's the gentle approach I've been looking for, and it totally explains why she is trying to fight me even on favorite foods--I've overstepped my role into controlling something that she's supposed to be doing on her own, so this power struggle is her means of trying to exert control over her own eating. My job is to provide healthy food and good company; her job is whether to eat it.

So, I'm learning lots, but still getting frustrated putting it into practice. I'm supposed to start having family meals, but my attempts at cooking for everyone have flopped. I'm in that defensive mode right now in which I'm feeling guilty for letting things get messed up, stressed over whether we can follow through, and just generally irritable with everyone. Ideas? Perspective from those of you who are picky? Other bad cooks, or wives of picky dh's? Moms fighting this battle?

[Mothering by Heart]

Can you and DH brainstorm enough meals for 1 week that you all like?
Just repeat it every week maybe having one day a week where you try a new recipe and if it flops you eat leftovers?

I know it is really frustrating when I have tried new meals and it was really bad. It feels terribly wasteful and everyone is still hungry :hug

I have learned not to take it personally. We all just laugh and go out to eat :shifty

[lavender mom]

I have one picky eater (DS) and I'm a huge Ellyn Satter fan for the reasons you mentioned- it's a gentle approach that focuses on healthy eating. I'm wondering if it would work to have your dd favorite meal for a family meal one night, and then your DH's favorite meal the next night, with at least one of your DD's favorite food. I know one thing I rely heavily on is Ellyn Satter's advice to always serve bread with a meal. My kids will always eat bread, so I almost always have that on the table. Sometimes (actually often!) the *only* thing DS eats it the bread. Like tonight. Another of my friends makes sure that every meal includes one thing that her DD likes, not necessarily bread.

I don't know if that helps any. The picky DH is one dynamic I haven't had to deal with, but I can imagin the challenge. :hug Give yourself some time. Maybe shoot for 2-3 family meals per week to begin with, and then try to work up to every day. I know that learning how to let go of my child's eating took a lot of work for me and it was a process, not an overnight change.