I have been to permissive

[Six Little Feet]

I need ides on how to deal with a just turned 5 year old

-bugging me over and over for something she wants even when I say no

-interrupting

-foot stomping when I say no to a request


these are the three main things I am struggling with.

[Joanne]

I think I may move this to the discpline forum where you might get more specific answers.

-bugging me over and over for something she wants even when I say no

First, tell her one more time the clear rule and expectation. "You may ask me for anything, but you need to accept my answer the first time. To accept my answer means you do not ask again, whine, complain, find another way to ask for the same thing."

Some ideas:


Try the broken record idea. When she asks again, say "Asked and answered" and go about your business.

She's at an age where *I* impose logical consquences. If my child breaks a rule (repeatedly asking), and makes an unpleasant environment, that child has chosen through their behavior to be isolated until they can stop being rude.

For a very persistent school aged child, I'd consider telling them that the answer the next time is "no" because they have been rude this time.

If the thing she keeps asking for are consistent (tv, computer, certain food), I would look at the role of that item in my day and perhaps make changes there.




-interrupting

First, explain what interrupting is. Use examples and role playing to make sure she's clear on what it is so she knows clearly what you expect her not to do.

Then give her an appropriate way to communicate "I"d like a turn to speak, please?". Practice that at home.

Also look at what situations she interrupts in and see if those situations can be changed, modified or if she needs firmer boundaries in them (My kids need firm boundaries about that when daycare parents come to pick up their kids, for example).

-foot stomping when I say no to a request

When she stomps her foot, is she doing so to express her feelings or to try to change your mind?

[Six Little Feet]

Thanks for the tips They are great
As far as the foot stomping it is because she is mad.

[canadiyank]

1. I've used "Asked and answered" often. Also, "What do you think?" Reflecting, "You really wish we could..."

2. We taught, "Excuse me, mama." When she learned that I answered her immediately. Now I'm teaching her to wait for a moment, by putting up a finger or saying, "Just a moment." I've heard of people putting a hand on their child so the chilc knows they're not forgotten. I also say, "Thank you for asking politely/waiting," etc. We did roleplay when I first taught her.

3. Foot stomping is irritating, but in our house it is an ok expression of anger. Usually she stomps once and it's over. If it persists, I ask her to take a break in her room or find a different way to calm down. (I remember once after evening service Kiri was sooo tired and was angry about going home, she STOMPED her foot and a lady said, "I see that got the stamp of approval!" :P~ It totally made me crack up for some reason and now everytime I think of that..."AH, that stamp of approval!" :rolleyes)

A book that's helped me is "Dealing With Disappointment" by Elizabeth Crary. She has lots of ideas of how to, well, deal with disappointment. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1884734758/sr=8-1/qid=1151874742/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-0350048-5152135?ie=UTF8

[TulipMama]

We've used "asked and answered," too. Though, for my boys, it seems to cause more frustration than a reminder that they need to accept Mommy's first answer. I realized that my children perceived it as disrespectful. I'm trying to foster an atmosphere of being honoring to one another, so I don't use it much any more. (Though, they still need to be respectful to mama.) I'm just posting this as a reminder that you may try some ideas or tools and find either they aren't a right fit for your family.

Interrupting that isn't polite or other generally not accptable verbal behaviour is often met with a "Try again!" and a smile. Most often this is the reminder they need to be polite or check their attitude.

[mommyofangels]

I thought this board was against punishment? :scratch

[Six Little Feet]

I thought this board was against punishment? :scratch


Justout of curiosity-where on this thread was punishment discussed? I didn't get that at all. :) just wondering???

[mommyofangels]

Oh nevermind I do not have the energy to really discuss parenting and discipline like I did many years ago. :lol I just will say that these suggestions would not work for my home like tulipmama said about asked and answered. These suggestions would be very disrespectful and negative for my family but I do not want to really get into it I am happy for this board as it is the first Christian board I have found that is against spanking and I think that is wonderful. :heart

[DogwoodMama]

Just to clarify, logical consequences are not intended to be punishment. :no (I'm wondering if that's where the confusion comes in.) This board is emphatically AGAINST punishment, even against consequences applied in a punitive way (which knowing Joanne, I know that is not something she would endorse. :)) I do think that there are lots of different approaches to things, and something that works for one family will definitely not work for another, even if they are non-punitive solutions. :)

I've tried "asked & answered" a few times with my dd... doesn't work, and I don't like saying it. (She's only 2.5.) I will check out that Elizabeth Crary book- I've never read anything by her, but she seems to be recommended often. :)

[schoolofmom]

I don't say "asked and answered," but I do something along the same lines by reminding them, "What did I say the last time you asked?" Then when they reply, I say, "My answer hasn't changed." It's about tone for us--I have to use a calm and easygoing voice or else the kids will instantly melt down. This is hard when you're already irritated about being bothered.

But, I don't want to teach them that asking repeatedly is unacceptable. I want them to be persistent for things they want, within reason. One of my downfalls is being way too quick to give up when I meet a roadblock, and I want my kids to be different. Also, my first unthinking reaction to a request is often "no." So, sometimes I will suggest, "Can you think of a reason why I should give that to you?" If my ds (7 y.o.) can make a good argument with points I hadn't considered, I will acknowledge his success and sometimes change my mind. But I'll only suggest this if it's something that won't harm him if I do switch my position, of course.

I realize some families wouldn't find that acceptable. But it works for me.

[Feorsteorra]

I liked Barbara Coloroso's idea of saying "later" instad of "no". She said she liked it because "later" can mean 2 min from now or 2 days from now, 2 weeks, from now, 2 years from now, you get the picture. lol She said she likes to save "no" for the really important stuff as much as possible. She also suggested "convince me" much like schoolofmom suggested with "Can you think of a reason why I should give that to you?"