Unconditional Parenting

[new generation]

I am reading this book, by Alfie Kohn, at the moment. I am struggling to wrap my mind around it, as it is such an intense read. However, my real struggle is with filtering it through a biblical perspective and finding out how it fits with Scripture. Has anyone else read it, and if so, what did you think about it? How did you find it aligned with your beliefs and with Scripture? Where did it deviate from Scripture?

Thank you! I enjoy reading the posts here, and look forward to hearing what you have to say.

[ArmsOfLove]

those are some good questions :) we've actually discussed this book a few times here so if you search this forum you might get some more responses. I am annoyed with Kohn's anti-religion statements. At the same time, I realize that he is making assumptions or basing his opinion on his negative experience and he's not willing to take into consideration the religious realities that don't fit his preconceived notion.

As for the ideas he presents--I find that most of them are pretty basic GBD/PD ideas and for someone trying to understand the non-punitive mindset I think he has some good descriptions. I find him short on the practicals though.

I don't care for his tone in the book, and I know he's worked to change this but the TCS crowd has managed to strongly influence the posting at his site, which I think is a real shame.

I think that many who embrace his ideas miss his statements about having goals for his children, having standards, etc.

[Mother Duck]

I've read it and I agree with Crystal (what a surprise :D)

[new generation]

I was bothered by his comments on religion. Obviously, I disagree with that! I think what I've taken most strongly from the book thus far (I'm about 8 chapters into the book), is the idea to work *with* my children, not do *to* them.

I will search the forum for some of the other responses. Thank you for responding.

[AmyDoll]

I found it to be redundant after reading Crystal's book, "Biblical Parenting"
Crystal's book is better written, easier to read, based in the gospel, and gives PRACTICAL advice.

If you like Alfie Kohn's book, you'll :heart Crystal's :tu

[new generation]

I did a search, as suggested, and read through the various responses concerning UP. What I read validated much of my feelings toward the book. The book has challenged my pattern of thinking regarding disciplining my children, so in that sense, it's been a good thing. However, I have felt that it conflicts with Scripture in several places, not the least of which is the unconditionality of God's love, His grace and mercy, and our God-given authority over our children.

As I said in an earlier post, the main thing I've taken from the book so far, is the importance of working with my children. I have found it very helpful to think about why I am wanting them to do what I ask, and if there is a better way or time to ask them.

So, thank you to all who have responded to my questions!

[UltraMother]

It helped me reevaluate some of my parenting choices too. :)