Am I expecting too much from a 5yo?!

[JavaMama]

Okay, so I'm frustrated, that's probably pretty obvious. Anyway, both of my kids just loooooove to make messes. And I don't mind to a certain extent, they're kids, they're young, blah blah so I know that's part of it. Except I cannot get dd to help clean up most of the time, it's pretty sad when your average 2-3yo is more helpful than your 5yo :neutral. She's suddenly so tired or just needs to rest. :rolleyes So I'll give her a choice: "Help me clean up the bread crust you crumbled on the floor or go lay down on your bed (if you are that tired)." That doesn't work unfortunately.

I have been working with her ALL DAY today trying to get her to pick up her books, she got EVERY book out of the toy box where they are being temporarily stored (we're kinda in a transition here, but more organized than we've ever been FWIW) and EVERY toy had been dumped from the toy organizers. She had enough energy though to take all the little containers (http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/ref=sc_pgc_r_12_0_10323431/602-1242341-0173414?%5Fencoding=UTF8&frombrowse=1&asin=B0000CEI4L) and make a big walkway, which she knows is not allowed because they broke some of them before walking on them but she "can't" pick up the toys or books.

I don't mind helping them pick up things if it gives her a little incentive, but I totally can't (and shouldn't have to IMO) crawl around on the floor and pick up all the toys and books by myself, or with only ds' assistance, after they've deliberately dumped them on the floor to make a mess. It's getting to the point where doing that sort of thing brings on a lot of contractions.

Anyway, does that make sense? I'm feeling pretty negative about this and dd now and I need to turn this around to positive. BTW, they only have 1/2 of the toys that they had before Christmas and they didn't get but a couple of small things for Christmas so I've already dramatically reduced the amount of toys and that hasn't helped very much, except to make it so the mess isn't quite so big. :(

DH and I decided dd's "spending the night w/Grammy and Papaw" privileges have been suspended for this weekend and she's pretty upset about it but even telling her that she COULD spend the night with them if she finished the job wasn't incentive enough. :shrug She told me just now she'd go pick up but came right back out of the playroom...

[Aerynne]

:hugheart You could only let her get out a new toy if the old one is cleaned up. Or you could say "You can put it away on the shelf, or I will put it away for you. If I put it away for you I will put it on a high shelf where you can't get it so I won't have to pick it up again." Or put all her toys away for awhile and let her have them back one at a time.

Maybe those are mean ideas. I'd try talking to her and say "I know you're tired. Mama is tired, too, and doesn't want to put your toys away. What can we do to solve this problem?" and see what she comes up with.

[ArmsOfLove]

sounds exactly like my dd at 5 :hug

It would help if I gave her each mini assignment. Like "pick up all the books about animals" then "pick up the nighttime books" and then "pick up the dolls", etc. She would come running in, "What next???" :tu

It may also be that she has too many toys.

And it may be that she gets TOTALLY overwhelmed when she gets them all out.

Maybe talk to her about cleaning up and what is hard about it. She may need one box to put everything in, or small boxes for each thing. It depends on how her brain works for organizing.

[Marmee]

I agree with the above. That said, there is a little something that I have used in the past, in emergency situations - when I just couldn't get response and was tired of trying to verbally discuss the issue. I don't know how "GBDC" it is (Grace Based discipline correct ;)), but, in a pinch, it does work. Before I had children, I taught kindergarten - it worked there too.

I kindly ask for everyone to clean up their toys, set a reasonable time limit, and explain that they have until the timer goes off to complete the task. I also tell them that if the task isn't complete when the timer goes off, that I will be cleaning it up for them, because I need it clean right away. I then explain that whatever I have to clean up will be put in a large trash bag and put away for a week (you could do less or more depending). Consequences = if they can't clean up their mess, then they will not be able to keep those things out that week and mess up the house with them.
I usually do this for several days in a row. Sometimes it works without taking anything away. Sometimes there is A LOT of toys put away for a week. Still, children will always manage to play with something and if they want the toys back, they will clean them up the next time rather than doing with out. This saves everybody from arguing because they choose the outcome. You must then follow through though - don't take them out again until you said you would.

This approach will probably work best with older children (four or five and up depending on maturity). You should use common sense with it. If a child's lovey is on the floor and there is only 5 min. left on the clock - help them by suggesting that they pick it up quickly so they don't loose it for a week - you get the idea.

[ArmsOfLove]

I then explain that whatever I have to clean up will be put in a large trash bag and put away for a week (you could do less or more depending).depending on the age I think this is fine. Joanne used to call it Toy Jail :giggle Another name is Toy Time Out. One variation I've used is to bag everything up and place the bag in the corner of the room. If they want to play with something in the bag they may--as long as they put everything in the bag away :tu I've never had it go more than a week before getting cleaned up and, imo, if they don't clean it up in that time then there was nothing worth having in the bag so I move it to the garage to await sorting and donation :)

[JavaMama]

Thanks everyone for the suggestions and sympathy! :giggle

I think I am going to have to put some toys away, unfortunately it would be ALL of them though if I didn't it right now because she still won't pick them up. Sometimes I can do like Crystal suggested and give one job at a time (like I asked her to put up all the books and then I would help her with the toys- it's too treacherous for me to walk in there right now :() and she'll happily do that in the living/dining room areas but there's something about the toyroom. I think it is a bit overwhelming... I'm overwhelmed by it too... but then I get frustrated too.

I'm just going to have to work with her tomorrow on it and see what we can get done and whatever she refuses to finish I will pack up for while (I've done that before).

We actually don't have nearly as many toys as we used to... it's still a lot compared to what I had as a child, but it's about 1/2 as many toys as they had last year because I gave away the toys that weren't getting used... they play better with less toys for sure so it would be worth it to pack away some and try to rotate, it's just that we have limited storage.

Thanks for the reality check everyone!

I gotta run, we have a tornado warning- it looks like it already went through the toyroom though! :lol

[Radosny Matka]

Another thing I have done in the past when he refuses to pick up a toy is to temporarily "let it go." Then when he needs something from me I tell him, "I will get x after you pick up your toy. We are family and family helps eachother. Sometimes I do things for you and sometimes you do things for me."