"making it happen" feels violent

[GodChick]

I've heard it said many times that the solution to dc refusing to do something like put on pants, put on shoes, etc, is to "make it happen." (alternative wording "help you do it") by physically putting the clothes on the child. i'm wondering how you do that . . .my dd1 is really strong (when she had her spinal tap done, the male nurse couldn't hold her down, even though she was sefdated with Versed!!) and trying to force a pair of pants,m or training pant on her becomes really physical. i don't like it because it feels violent, trying to hold her down whilst she's kicking and screaming and pulling the pants back off . . .and i've got DD2 there who's too young to understand "what in tarnation is mommy doing to sister?" :eek

am i missing something? how in the world do you do that? :shrug

[AmyDoll]

How does she react to logical consequences? Like, if you don't wear pants we can't leave the house? Or we have to get dressed before we eat breakfast? Will she wear ANY pants? She's 3 - Can you talk to her one day when you're not in the middle of a confrontation about getting dressed? You could try a sticker chart w/a reward for not fighting you for 7 days.

I'd move the ball back into her court if you feel like making her is too much.

[MarynMunchkins]

That happens a lot here too. If it gets to the point where I feel violent in helping them, I back off and take a break. In most cases, logical consequences work just fine. We've gone out in just pajamas or dress up clothes, or delayed play or meal times to wait for them to do it on their own.

It's a delicate balancing act of knowing when to push the issue and when to back off. :hug

[ArmsOfLove]

afaic if putting pants on a child becomes a violent encounter there are a few things going on:

1) there are organic issues at play and they need to be addressed
2) whatever I'm doing isn't worth it--especially if I'm doing it for them
3) it's time to step back and get some perspective and see if there is a better way to move forward (playful parenting ideas, helping them see the value in what we're doing, change the timeline so we're not in a rush, etc)

[frances]

My ds has started this phase too and I felt the same way today.

Arms of Love,
I'm wondering what you mean by "organic issues" - not food :grin but maybe the clothing struggle represents a different, deeper struggle that is going on? If so, I think I can identify what is going on with my ds (Papa has been working long hours and our routine is in shambles).

[TulipMama]

Sometimes we do need to change our approach. Or sometimes finding the right wording really helps..

One thing that has helped us (similar to what AmyDoll posted) is the phrase, "When. . . then. . ." It's not an if/then statemetnt that can sometimes become threatening, but more of a statement of the situation, "When you have your shoes one, then we can go to the park." "When you are hooked up, then we can go. . ." "When you are quiet, then we can begin reading our book again."

[GodChick]

Hmmm . . . okay, I think I got my answer, which is to just keep doing what I have been doing: not use the "making it happen" idea, and just continue using the "when/then" statements, like TulipMama mentioned, and natural consequences. When she puts her pants on, we can go outside. If she doesn't put her pants on, we don't go outside. That's what I've been doing instead of "making it happen." It's just that I keep reading about it, and I figured I was missing out on something that might work better. :shrug But apparently, making it happen doesn't work for us. I honestly don't think that means that there is something organically wrong with her. I've been through that before here--she is very spirited and strong willed, and can "lock in." But I don't think that means there is something wrong with her. I think that is a trait that could serve her very well in the future--in circumstances other than arguing with her mother about wearing pants. :giggle

I'm curious: those of you who do "make it happen" . . . do your children not struggle against you whilst you are making it happen? Seriously, not being facitious, just honestly wondering: do they just say, "okay" and sit calmly while you put their pants on them, or whatever you are making happen? Do they not try to physically resist by kicking, yelling, or taking the clothes back off? :scratch Just wondering what other kids do . . .

[milkmommy]

Untill recently I've had to "make it happen" when it came to clothes or we'd literly never leave and things like not going to school or simpily not negotiable here. And yes she does struggle I've had to stop my self from getting angry and sometimes yes I have had to let it go sometimes sadly I've let my stuborness get the best of the situatin. :/. Were working on wearing clothes thankfully as shes mastering putting them on herself and choosing shes strugging less though she still strips as soon as she enters our house :giggle :rolleyes
Getting dressed around here some days go super smooth other days its literly a two parent job :rolleyes2

Deanna

[Tengokujin]

I think that the underlying point of "make it happen" is to not be caught in a cycle of repeating yourself,wheedling, threatening, etc. For me, this means that I am thinking carefully whether what I am telling DS to do is really necessary, hopefully before words come out of my mouth! A cheerful, ,matter of fact statement is good for us too, along with routine.

Yeah, sometimes making it happen is not really fun. We have also experienced "two parent" diaper changes here too. I think that organic issues doesn't have to mean a problem. I would consider being tired an organic problem--basically, what underlying issue is making this such a big deal? Then I take that information and try to tweak what I do next time to set things up better. I change my proactive plan.

In my mind, correct me if I am wrong :), making it happen is the end--reactive response. It has to happen. Clothes often have to be worn. :yes What happens before that point HOPEFULLY lessens the drama.

Routines--I do try to remember to tell Ds when things are going to be going differently. It is amazing how much he understands and how much that helps.

[AmyDoll]

Yes, I "make it happen" Sam is still pretty small and making it happen isn't usually *violent* He usually cooperates enough through his tears of unhappiness with the decision and I make an effort not to be "mean" - I try to make sure that my voice is calm and my words are kind. I tell him the benefits of what we're doing and continue to try to talk him down.

[hsgbdmama]

I have "made it happen" while explaining things -- for example, if we are to go somewhere where ds1 (and this was when he was younger) wanted to go and he he was fighting getting dressed, I would simply stop and ask, "Do you want to go to X?" and if he answered yes, then I would explain that he needs to be dressed in order for us to go, if he didn't want to be dressed then we couldn't go. That usually did the trick -- it put the ball back in his court and it ended the struggling. :tu

[DogwoodMama]

Usually I think of "make it happen" in terms "get off your butt parenting" as I stop her from doing something. The only issue I have really gotten physical with her over is if she doesn't want a diaper on and we *need* her to wear one... but that has happened very infrequently. And it did feel "violent" to me the few times it had to happen. But doing something like removing her from the counter after she climbed up yesterday didn't feel violent to me, though she cried and was mad at me.

[Marsha]

well, I used to make it happen, but then when dd1 got older and I also had dd2, that was unrealistic, and I realized we hadn't moved along. I was still relying on the fact that I was bigger and the authority. So we are working on cooperation right now.

[milkmommy]

"Do you want to go to X?" and if he answered yes, then I would explain that he needs to be dressed in order for us to go, if he didn't want to be dressed then we couldn't go. That usually did the trick -- it put the ball back in his court and it ended the struggling. thumbs up

Sadly how thats goes here 99% of the time if she is in the I don't want clothes phase..
Me:Do you want to go to the park?
Cecilia: Yes
Me: Okay you need to get dressed so we can go
Cecilia: NO!!!!!!
Me: Well no clothes then we can't go...
Cecilia: PARK!!!!!!!
ME: Lets get dressed
Cecilia: NOOOOO
This dialouge could go on forever shes often doesn't understand that the icky act of getting dressed (And btw once she IS dressed she fine :rolleyes) will have a trade off of going to the park. She does not make that connection so sometimes I do have to make it happen and thats not always easy. :/

Another common conversation..
Me: Okay lets get dressed for X
Cecilia: Dressed upstairs yea
Me: okay lets pick..
Cecilia (after a very long serious inventory chooses
Me: okay lets put on the clothes
Cecilia NOOOO!!!! NO CLOTHES!!!!
:doh :doh :doh :doh

Deanna

[GodChick]

Sadly how thats goes here 99% of the time if she is in the I don't want clothes phase..
Me:Do you want to go to the park?
Cecilia: Yes
Me: Okay you need to get dressed so we can go
Cecilia: NO!!!!!!
Me: Well no clothes then we can't go...
Cecilia: PARK!!!!!!!
ME: Lets get dressed
Cecilia: NOOOOO
This dialouge could go on forever

Yes, that is what we have doing on here too. :yes
me: do you want to go to the park?
serena: yes
me: ok you need to get dressed so we can go
serena: but i don't want to get dressed!
me: if you're not dressed we can't go
serena: but i want to go to the park, mommy!!
me: then let's get dressed
serena: no! i want to go without getting dressed

she is very verbal and will literally argue in words and sentences that she wants to go to the park with no clothes on . . . or that she wants to sleep with no pull-up (she still wets at night, so it's non-negotiable) i've canceled trips that she wanted to go on, simply because she refused to put on her clothes for so long that there was no longer any time to go, or we missed the event.

Letting her know that we can't ____ if she doesn't ____ (only when truly applicable: we CAN'T go to the park naked!) DOES work, most of the time, but not in the way I would like it to. It gets her to put her clothes on, but only after a long period of her yelling about it. I have refused to argue about it, but then she will sit and yell by herself, comfort corner or no. So I find myself thinking, after listening to her holler for long stretches, that I should "make it happen" as other mamas here do. But when I do, it escalates and makes her even more angry. Which is why I asked the question in the first place--I guess I was wondering if it was "supposed" to feel that way when you make it happen. But maybe that particular bit doesn't work well for us, and we should stick to what we're doing, even if it does take longer. :phew

[OpalsMom]

I'm curious: those of you who do "make it happen" . . . do your children not struggle against you whilst you are making it happen? Seriously, not being facitious, just honestly wondering: do they just say, "okay" and sit calmly while you put their pants on them, or whatever you are making happen? Do they not try to physically resist by kicking, yelling, or taking the clothes back off? :scratch Just wondering what other kids do . . .


Mostly, if I start making it happen, she takes over or at the very least subsides and just wails. In the few cases where she doesn't, often I can produce a compromise that she's OK with (like, once it becomes clear to her that I'm going to insist on her wearing a shirt, and clear to me that she's going to fight to the death against wearing the one I'm trying to put on her, I let her pick a different shirt, and she protests but lets me put it on). If she's fighting that much, I need to look for another route, because otherwise we WILL both get hurt. I can restrain her safely when she's fighting, but doing anything else isn't going to happen safely. We have done full-out physical battles over the car seat, but it was hair-raising and not very successful. (Routine, catering to her need for self-determination, and having something good happen once she's buckled in work much better, but they take a while to kick in.)

What making it happen about clothes looks like here: Opal says "Want ginger kitties!" I say "You can have applesauce or yogurt for breakfast, as soon as you're dressed." Opal says "Want ginger kitties!" I say "You can't have ginger kitties for breakfast, but you could have people cereal." Opal says "People cereal AND applesauce." I say "Fine, when you're dressed we'll get you people cereal and applesauce." "No get dressed, breakfast now." Her room is gated off, so we sit in her room with the gate closed, and I go back to being the tide, rolling in, and thinking about getting dressed. "We will have breakfast as soon as you get dressed." "Want breakfast now!" "Nope, first you get dressed, then you have breakfast." "No Opal get dressed, no Mama get dressed, no Daddy get dressed." "How about a blue shirt?" "No blue shirt!" "OK, you pick a shirt." "No blue shirt, no red shirt, no green shirt (etc.)" "OK, I'll pick a shirt." She goes to the gate and hangs on it. I pick an outfit and tell her she needs to come here. She says "No". I ask if she needs help. She runs up to me, siezes the clothes, flings herself on the bed with them, and announces she is going to sleep. I stare vacantly at the wall and wish I'd remembered to turn the radio on. She sits up and says firmly that she is never getting dressed. I tell her she needs to take her pants off. I ask if she needs help. She says no. I tell her I'll help her. She takes her pants off... At some point we arrive at putting a shirt on, over her head. On bad days at this point I put it over her head by force as she shrieks and writhes -- it's tricky because I can pin her legs but not her arms, so she has her hands free to try to take the shirt off as I put it on. As soon as a shirt is over her head, she is as happy as a clam and puts her arms into it. Stop a fraction of an inch before it's settled onto her shoulders, and she will rip it off and fling it across the room. :shrug So it's some combination of fighting and not fighting, making it happen and getting her to cooperate. If I tried to take her clothes off and put the new ones on entirely by force I dunno what would happen, but it wouldn't be good.

I have tried shirts with bigger head openings, but the size she likes wearing is still smaller than the size she's OK with putting over her head, and she doesn't much like snaps, so it's hard to say where the tradeoff lies. 9 days out of 10 she's fine with putting things over her head anyway, but if she's going to :hissyfit it will be about the shirt, always. And if it gets stuck? Forget it, just get a different one.

[Marmee]

I may be totally off here (always beware of advice that comes with a qualifying statement ;)), but I had one child who could be convinced of the value of an action (getting dressed = go to the park). She was hard at times, but fairly rational. I now have a two year old who isn't usually convinced of the value of anything that didn't originate in his own mind. Example: I say, "Do you want to go to the park? Well, get dressed and we will go." He hears, "Do you want to go to the park? Well, let's go and you can go nude, dressed, painted blue or dipped in soy milk if you prefer."
I have stopped asking him so much. Now I just tell him, "Good morning, little man! We are going to the park this morning. Let's hurry and get these pants on. Okay, now the shirt! Good job, little buddy! Hurry now and we will go pack a snack to take! You can carry the bag."
In other words, I am firm and I do not offer options anymore (not if something is non-negotiable). I do occasionally encounter resistance - especially when I first started this method with him. But it has gotten easier and easier as he sees that this is just a part of our day - a routine that is the same most mornings and it isn't going to change because he decided he didn't want to cooperate. I try to dress him quickly and while saying pleasant things in a firm and pleasant voice. I try to be a bit silly if he resists. "Oh no! I can't get your arm in here! (tickle, tickle) Oh, there we go, I found it!"
I know this sounds simplistic - I am not trying to minimize your struggle. Just saying that with this 2 year old, we save the questions for things that I don't care whether he does it or not, or his choice won't have bearing on our plans for the day, etc. Sometimes they since our hesitation and our uncertainty and will put up a fight. I don't know if this would help you at all - just thought I would share what works with my 2 year old ds.

[Jenne]

This is interesting. Last night dh and I discussed how dd could acquire negative connotations to being held if we're always having to force her physically to "make it happen."

:popcorn

[Joyce]

This topic takes me back to when I was this age. I remember not wanting to get dressed either. I do not recall having logical reasons for not wanting to get dressed most of the time, but sometimes I did have reasons that I was unable to vocalize. For example:

One time Mom wanted Grandma to help me get dressed. No way! Mom only!

Sometimes the clothes I had to put on were more uncomfortable than what I had on, especially this one itchy dress, and I didn't like slips. What's a slip for? I didn't get it.

Getting undressed makes me cold. I feel fine in what I currently have on.

[milkmommy]

I know this sounds simplistic - I am not trying to minimize your struggle. Just saying that with this 2 year old, we save the questions for things that I don't care whether he does it or not, or his choice won't have bearing on our plans for the day, etc. Sometimes they since our hesitation and our uncertainty and will put up a fight. I don't know if this would help you at all - just thought I would share what works with my 2 year old ds.
:no (not too simplistic) Nope and sometimes it works but sadly more often its the exact same :hissyfit
Deanna

[frances]

I know this sounds simplistic - I am not trying to minimize your struggle. Just saying that with this 2 year old, we save the questions for things that I don't care whether he does it or not, or his choice won't have bearing on our plans for the day, etc. Sometimes they since our hesitation and our uncertainty and will put up a fight. I don't know if this would help you at all - just thought I would share what works with my 2 year old ds.


This, at least for my ds, is a very important point. I need to be prepared to let go of my own plans/agenda for that particular activity if I ask him a question - so I really try to avoid questions and simply "make it happen".

I know that I just posted yesterday about having this problem, but today I tried something new. Taking a cue from The Fly Lady, I said, as soon as ds woke up. "you are ready to get up (he still nurses in the am) so let's get dressed first and then we'll do X". It worked without an issue. He's in his best mood when he just wakes up and I figured, why not start every day this way as our routine. It's at least done with if he fights and we can then just get on with things. :shrug
Although I suppose if it's a really big production, such as what Milkmommy is talking about, maybe that's not the best way to start the day. :think

[Marmee]

I am glad that someone mentioned the itchy clothes! I meant to say something about that! My children are extremely sensitive to tags, certain materials, certain necklines, etc. If you can figure out what they like to wear and will wear with least amount of fuss - only buy/make that! My 2 year old actually tries on clothes in stores and tells us if he would not wear it. I listen. He really won't wear it :giggle. I also cut out tags. Sometimes the arguement is really for a reason and not just stubborness.

[raisa]

This is all making me think about Raising Your Spirited Child -- the skin sensitivity, the resistance to being helped/touched, the difficulty with transitions. I know you've already considered this but I've seen so many kids here helped by simple diet changes (gluten or dairy can cause this) I feel like I have to suggest it again. It sounds like she has big raging feelings in her body and trouble snapping out of it once it starts.

I hate to change clothes too, and I've been known stay home on the weekends because I didn't want to change out of my jammies :) So I agree with the Flylady idea -- get everyone's shoes on soon, or perhaps finding the easiest time of day and doing it then. My only other idea is to try to break out of the cycle by doing something different -- getting dressed in a different room, putting music or tv on, in the bathroom with the shower running, even outside on the porch, singing a song, whispering, being silent, turning the lights out -- anything to change the habit she's in of yelling and resisting each time.

[OpalsMom]

Getting undressed makes me cold. I feel fine in what I currently have on.


I think this is part of DD's issue, but it doesn't explain why she then stops in the middle and runs around naked... And if offered choices that will minimize that effect she never chooses them (off comes the pyjama top, I ask if she wants to put on the new top or take off the pants, she wants to take off the pants).

Certainly sometimes she does have her own strong feelings, and they can be hard to figure out. Like, she's often anti-overalls, so the other day when I tried to put on a pair and she was :hissyfit I went to get something else and then she was :hissyfit :hissyfit :hissyfit Eventually I figured out that she wanted me to unsnap the legs, so I did that and went to put them over her head. :hissyfit Finally I figure out they MUST be snapped, but she wants to snap them herself. We compromised and did it together, and peace reigned.

[Wholly Mama]

I was thinking along similar lines of some ladies while reading this thread.
Sensory issues with clothes (no clothes, no pull-up) may be a factor. Are there any type of clothing that she prefers?
Also, I noticed that when I let my children be naked at will, there was a greater struggle to get them dressed when they needed to be.
So, like flylady, we get dressed first thing in the morning, before breakfast. I do have certain times that I allow nakiness, but now it's a set time, rather than an all the time.

Here's what "make it happen" looks like with my 3yo.
"D, get your pants on" as I hold out his pants
"I CAN'T! I DON'T WANT TO!"
"Here, put your leg in this hole"
he complies.

Sometimes, he just wants my help but doesn't want to admit it.

With my 1 1/2 yo:
"E, get off the table"
la, de, dah dance on table
I go over and put her off the table.
"WAAAAH TABLE!!!"
"Where's your horsie, let's go ride the horsie!"
we go find the horsie

Just wanted to share some non-violent making it happen moments!

[Marmee]

Just responding to the earlier comment (I haven't figures out yet how to put the "quote" thing here! :O)
Mine are gluten sensitive and one is also dairy sensitive - when we are contaminated, no trick or method in the world works well. We just have to hold on for a bumpy ride till it clears again.
I also read the "Spirited Child". I just loaned my copy out! It is great and, apparantly, written with my children in mind!

[GodChick]

ITA with the spirited child book. I've read it too, and found myself going :yes :yes :yes :yes Through the whole thing, because it described my DD1 to a tee. :yes :yes :yes

[wombmate3]

I may be totally off here (always beware of advice that comes with a qualifying statement ;)), but I had one child who could be convinced of the value of an action (getting dressed = go to the park). She was hard at times, but fairly rational. I now have a two year old who isn't usually convinced of the value of anything that didn't originate in his own mind. Example: I say, "Do you want to go to the park? Well, get dressed and we will go." He hears, "Do you want to go to the park? Well, let's go and you can go nude, dressed, painted blue or dipped in soy milk if you prefer."
I have stopped asking him so much. Now I just tell him, "Good morning, little man! We are going to the park this morning. Let's hurry and get these pants on. Okay, now the shirt! Good job, little buddy! Hurry now and we will go pack a snack to take! You can carry the bag."
In other words, I am firm and I do not offer options anymore (not if something is non-negotiable). I do occasionally encounter resistance - especially when I first started this method with him. But it has gotten easier and easier as he sees that this is just a part of our day - a routine that is the same most mornings and it isn't going to change because he decided he didn't want to cooperate. I try to dress him quickly and while saying pleasant things in a firm and pleasant voice. I try to be a bit silly if he resists. "Oh no! I can't get your arm in here! (tickle, tickle) Oh, there we go, I found it!"
I know this sounds simplistic - I am not trying to minimize your struggle. Just saying that with this 2 year old, we save the questions for things that I don't care whether he does it or not, or his choice won't have bearing on our plans for the day, etc. Sometimes they since our hesitation and our uncertainty and will put up a fight. I don't know if this would help you at all - just thought I would share what works with my 2 year old ds.


BING BING BING!!! You have just explained our house and my oldest. I don't give him a choice if it's not a choice, because his answer will ALWAYS be no.

Me: Hey guys, wanna go to the park?
Gabe, Hannah, and Noah: YAYYY!!!!!
Me: Ok, let's get dressed!
Hannah: Ok mommy!!!! (as she runs into her room to pick out clothes)
Gabe: NO! I dont wanna get dressed! I just wanna watch TV and stay HOME!
Me: We can't go to the park until you get dressed Gabe
Gabe: I don't WANNA go to the park mama!!!
Hannah: (near tears) but I wanna go to the PARK AND PLAY!
Gabe: NO! We not GO TO THE PARK HANNAH!
Hannah: (bawling) PARK!
Gabe: NO!
Hannah: PARK!
Gabe: NO!


And on it goes. Now if I say:
"We are going to the park, who can get their clothes on first? Let's RACE!"

BOOM! I am in.

Crazy children. It's all about the approach here.

[Radosny Matka]

Is it just getting dressed or is it more about the pants? Would she be more willing is she was wearing a dress or a skirt?

[TulipMama]

I have stopped asking him so much. Now I just tell him, "Good morning, little man! We are going to the park this morning. Let's hurry and get these pants on. Okay, now the shirt! Good job, little buddy! Hurry now and we will go pack a snack to take! You can carry the bag."

I think this is important to remember. Making it happen does not need to mean "I'm bigger, and I'm forcing this to happen." It is easy to slip into an antagonistic mindset for some of us, and "making it happen" sometimes becomes antagonistic if we aren't careful. Not that all "making it happen" is fun and games. But sometimes it is. *wink*

Using the carseat is an example of this. Sometimes making it happen means picking the child up, buckling him in with a smile. Sometimes it means getting a fussy, cranky, crabby toddler in--one who is resisting--and ignoring protests and making it happen. Sometimes we can be silly and make it easier for them. Sometimes they just need to be frustrated by the restraints.

"Making it happen" being positive, often is more dependent upon my energy and my attitude, than it does on my child's reaction.

[mamaKristin]

I sometimes make things happen by being playful too. 'Struggling' to put his pants on his head, getting the shirt over his head and spinning it around, that sort of thing that makes him laugh, which then makes him more willing to cooperate. However, for me, it's SO easy to get frustrated and mad.


"Making it happen" being positive, often is more dependent upon my energy and my attitude, than it does on my child's reaction.
:yes so true here!

[Marmee]

I just had the car seat example two days ago. I went to put him in - he wouldn't get in and wouldn't cooperate. I tried the fun and playful thing. He started to run from me to the back of the van where I cannot reach well. I then just picked him up and buckled him in. He wasn't happy, but car seats are not negotiable. :shrug He did cry for a mile or so - then forgot about it and moved on.

[red_head_angel]

Well I have two different boys (aren't they all?) With my 4 1/2 year old, I find that I quite often have to 'make him' do something. I have not found the way around it with him. Just an hour ago, he spilled milk all over the floor. Please clean it up. 'Nooo!' Fighting and screaming came in. Now I can see that I should have been more of a playful parent and 'tried to race' in seeing who can clean up the mess quickest. When I saw my anger escalating :blush, I told him it was time for bed (hence the main reason for his refusal to clean - way tired). More screaming, so I picked him up and tried to help him walk. When that didn't work, I carried him to his room and put him in his bed. He wanted his story, but Mommy was to angry :O (bad mommy day). In this case, I knew why he wouldn't clean, so I felt it was more important to get him into bed and I could clean it up.

On the other hand, I know my toddler works best with playful parenting (I find it easier to playful parent him and he hasn't learned how to push my buttons yet, something I am having to learn with my oldest spirited child). When the dressing fight comes on, I usually do the same as one of the other PP. We make a game out of putting on clothes. There is usually a lot of kisses involved and lost body parts. :giggle "Where did your arm go?" "I can't find it" He is laughing and pushes it through :phew "Found it!" Or another one he likes, "Does your hand need kisses?" "OK, put it through the hole and I will give kisses" Sometimes my oldest will see and come over to play too. He still likes the 'where did the body part go' game. :giggle But since I let him pick out most of his clothes out of the drawer, that has helped with a lot of fighting.

[wombmate3]

When I saw my anger escalating :blush, I told him it was time for bed (hence the main reason for his refusal to clean - way tired). More screaming, so I picked him up and tried to help him walk. When that didn't work, I carried him to his room and put him in his bed. He wanted his story, but Mommy was to angry :O (bad mommy day).

:hugheart

I dont think you are a bad mommy! I think you sound like a human!!!! :heart It would frustrate me too and there likely would have been no story here as well!

[red_head_angel]

:hug Thank you Chantel! I sometimes tend to let the kids get the best of me. (phone call and I lost my train of thought)