offering and accepting apologies

[The Tickle Momster]

Help! Here is a specific situation between my 3 y/o ds & 4.5 dd. Dd pushed ds because he went to turn off the tv (I had told him to). Ds is upset & crying in my lap. Once he is calm, dd offers an apology and hug (w/coaching). Ds gets all upset again because he is "not ready". What do I do? He doesn't have to accept the apology just then but he does need to receive it. Dd needs to be able to move on with her day.

Another scenario, ds has harmed dd in some way. He won't apologize, so I model for him and offer an apology to dd on his behalf. She gets upset and wants ds to say the words. Ds is usually in no shape to do so. Again, we need to be able to move on with our day & not focus on minor squabbles for hours.

[SansSouci]

Wow, that's interesting! I'm sorry I have no advice (I'm new to this all... plus I don't have the older siblings yet). But this is so interesting, b/c it's so contrary to how my brother and I were as kids. I always hated it when he apologized to me, b/c I always knew that it was not sincere (my mom would make him apologize, and his tone was totally sarcastic).

:popcorn

-Elizabeth

[The Tickle Momster]

Anyone else?

[DeenyB]

Yikes! This same thing happenend at the park today with a friends kids. She asked me what i would have done and all I had to offer was :shrug and :hug2
:popcorn

[Radosny Matka]

Help! Here is a specific situation between my 3 y/o ds & 4.5 dd. Dd pushed ds because he went to turn off the tv (I had told him to). Ds is upset & crying in my lap. Once he is calm, dd offers an apology and hug (w/coaching). Ds gets all upset again because he is "not ready". What do I do? He doesn't have to accept the apology just then but he does need to receive it. Dd needs to be able to move on with her day.


He obviously was too upset to accept. I would say something like, "Sissy has apologize. When you are ready to accept, let her know." Then let her on her way.


Another scenario, ds has harmed dd in some way. He won't apologize, so I model for him and offer an apology to dd on his behalf. She gets upset and wants ds to say the words. Ds is usually in no shape to do so. Again, we need to be able to move on with our day & not focus on minor squabbles for hours.


Why is he in no shape to do so? It sounds like he might still be too mad or upset. Sometimes we aren't ready to apologize right away anymore than we are ready to accept on. He might need some more time in the CC or in your lap to cool off before giving an apology.