Frustration in our house right now.

[JJsMom]

Keep in mind that I am very hormonal today, so I might be exaggerating this a little. Today has been a really hard day for all of us and I just feel like something has to change. I have been getting a lot more "no's" lately and a lot more "That IS okay for JJ to do!" from him lately. He seems to be arguing with me so much, but I do know that it takes two to argue so I accept my part in that. I feel like I'm always telling him no and always telling him that he may not speak to me that way. It feels so frustrating.
I just wrote a long stroy about rest time and how frustrating it was, but I could answer my own post, I was impatient, he was over tired and I should have seen that it wasn't working long before it escalated. :blush
Wow, this post is all over the place, I really just need to talk this out and see if I have a good plan going. I feel like I should not accept him speaking to me disrespectfully. If he says something like "No, I'm NOT gonna do it", should I just pick him up and "help" him do it? Like washing his hads for example. We used to say "okay, time to wash your hands...let's go wash up...come on JJ" now I feel like we should say "It's time to wash your hands...can you get up on the stool yourself or do you need help?" then tell him I'm counting to five? I guess it seems like a lot to ask of a 2 1/2 y.o but on the other hand, giving him ten chances seems ridiculous too.
Then getting him dressed is always such a huge chore, we just fight about it everyday. I try to have fun, I try to be creative and nothing works, should I just give him a chance to do it, then help him by holding on to him?
One last thing is bedtime, now that he isn't nursing anymore, it's hard to wind him down. We have our routine and we read in bed for awhile before we turn the lights out and then I tell him a story or sing to him, but lately he is just trying to roll into me, he isn't laying down, he keeps saying my name over and over and over.
These things probably seem really silly to you guys. I know this will all pass, but I'm feeling so tired and frustrated and my dh is so tired of these battles, he just told me "something about our discipline style isn't working." He is completely on board with GBD but is frustrated too. We go over to punitive so easily and sometimes I try so hard to avoid that, so I go to permissive. I'm trying to find the line here and today it all seems very blurred to me.
Please keep in mind that I'm pg and I got up at 5:30 am and I am exhausted.

[icesmom3]

:hug 2.5 is still little and I would do all that you had suggested. Making kind and firm statements "You need to wash your hands, can you get on the stool or do you need my help?" If he says no then tell him "Mama will help" and help him wash.....I know for myself at this age giving my sons too many chances meant that I wasn't following up quickly enough and then my words didn't have meaning...

Hope this makes sense!

[icesmom3]

I wanted to come back and add a few things....
Have you read 'Playful Parenting'? That book has tons of ideas to help gaining cooperation from 2 and 3yo's
Like with getting dressed....pretend that there is something in his shirt using your hand and have him get it....or put the socks on your hand and help him dress....and then realize that the socks don't go on hands!!
Hang in there.... :hug

[OpalsMom]

When it comes to "No!" and "Get out!" and "Goodbye, Mama" etc. etc. etc., I try to be very low-key. I may acknowledge the feelings and re-script the answer: "You don't want to get dressed right now. You may not tell me to get out, but you can say 'I don't want to'" or I may just keep going as if nothing happened. It depends on where we are in the process -- so if we're just getting started and she says "No! I go to sleep" and throws herself on the ground, I usually just wait, and in 5 seconds she gets up and cooperates. If not, I move to the next step of my original request "Do you need help getting dressed?"

2 is not an age where they really get the whole respect/disrespect thing; they're just learning how words work. So think of it as a bad effort, like when they try to put their own clothes on but get the jacket upside-down, inside-out AND backwards. They know words make things happen but they haven't quite mastered it and need a lot of help learning what's OK and what's not. Slowly but surely DD is responding to our incessant scripting. On the good side, she is now incredibly into "Thank you". On the not-so-good side, we have
DD to friend trying to help buckle her into her car seat: Get out!
He stops.
I say: That's rude. You may not say that. You may say "No thank you, I don't want your help."
DD: No fank you, no want help. J! J! Take a walk, J!
Me: Umm, that's a bit better, but you can't really order people to take walks either. You could ask if he wanted to take a walk.

Fortunately he has a two-year old of his own and is capable of taking her social learning gracefully. Also, she isn't at ease enough around strangers to be rude to them.