More questions??

[Mama Rophe]

So, when is a good age to start the 1,2,3 count and the "5 min. untill we leave" thing? Ds is 21 months and I know he can't tell time, but would it be smart of me to start some of this now so he can get used to it?

[OpalsMom]

I don't know what a good age is -- we started at oh, I don't know, 6 months? Mostly to get me (and I was hoping, DH, but that only partly worked...) used to it.

It's not a matter of telling time so much as it is of knowing what's going on. Imagine your life if somebody just came up to you and said "OK, time to get off the computer now." Even if they said "In five furmboggles, you'll need to get off the computer" as a warning, it would be better than nothing. And even better if they told you why and what was coming next...

[Mama Rophe]

I do give him a heads up as to what's going to happen. It doesn't always work though. Like if I say, "We are going to go to the grocery store." He gets upset right away and I haven't even tried to get him dressed yet. Is it just his age or what?

[Danette]

In five furmboggles :laughtears

I used the 123 with only one of my children.... and I started when he was around 2 and used it till he was about 5. It'll depend on your son if it will be effective. My oldest would get blazing mad if I'd even think about counting... he wanted instructions not a time limit. :giggle But my 2nd ds needed the count down to get his focus so he could start and respond to my directions. It worked really well for him and didn't cause big feelings as it did with ds#1. I tried to always use a firm but gentle voice when counting and if I got to 3 then I moved into help. When he was 2 the counting was more of a way to let him know that I was coming to help and later when he was older it was more of a way to let him know that he needed to respond to my request at that time.

[Danette]

I do give him a heads up as to what's going to happen. It doesn't always work though. Like if I say, "We are going to go to the grocery store." He gets upset right away and I haven't even tried to get him dressed yet. Is it just his age or what?

It's his age.... and that he is still learning how life in your family is going to work. In the example that you gave above I wouldn't tell him that you are going to the store, that's too far in the future... even if you are leaving for the store in 10 minutes... instead I would focus on what he needed to do first... like get dressed... and at 2 I would make it a game. Walk him into his room and let him pick out his pants and then you grab a shirt to go with. Then have him pick out his socks and you grab his shoes. When it's time to leave for the store say "It's time to get in the car would you like to open the garage?" Once in the car sing a silly song about going to the store and ask him to help you find the milk when you get there. :grin Going about your day like this won't avoid all meltdowns... he is almost 2... but asking a 2 year old to "help" can go along way. :tu

[Amber]

I started giving 5, 3 and 1 minute warnings and counting to 3 when ds was around 14 mo old. Now at 21mo they work great. I don't bother watching the clock to make sure I am waiting 5 minutes since he can't tell time, but it is amazing how giving him the warnings will take him from throwing a fit at the mere idea of having to do whatever to him saying bye to his toy shortly after doing the 1 minute warning.

Just last night dh asked ds if he was ready to take his bath (it was already well past bedtime), ds started fussing and even tried to push dh out of the bathroom. So we backed up and gave ds a 5, 3 and 1 minute warning...with the last warning he walked into the bathroom clam as could be and waved goodnight to me.

[OpalsMom]

I do give him a heads up as to what's going to happen. It doesn't always work though. Like if I say, "We are going to go to the grocery store." He gets upset right away and I haven't even tried to get him dressed yet. Is it just his age or what?


Well, I only tell her what's coming next if I can sell her on it being a good thing (but I can sell almost anything -- if nothing else, there will be music she likes in the car). And even so sometimes she objects. Like she'll ask all week to go to breakfast with her beloved grandfather and then when the time comes say "No breakfast!" It just means she doesn't want to stop what she's doing, and I talk to her about that.
"You're really enjoying being at home, and you're sad to stop. We have to go. You need to come put your shoes on now. Do you want to bring the lamb with you?" For the grocery store, I'd work on the getting dressed first (although actually, in our house you can't eat breakfast until you're dressed, which makes a bib more important but vastly reduces the dressing fights because the next thing in the chain is something she knows she wants). If we're doing some long chain that ends with something that she's not interested in (say, going to bed), we focus on the immediate transition, and make as many of those transitions good as possible. So cleaning up and putting pyjamas on is all about getting to the bedtime story. (And she gets to pick what animal is on her chest while she's change and which pyjamas to wear, to sweeten that deal)

In point of fact, I used to count down more than I do now, and I don't give 5 minute warnings at all. She transitions better with short and sweet; the trick is to say firmly "It's time to X now" and then let her ask to finish what she's doing or do one last slide or bring something with her or whatever, and if appropriate let her. Sometimes I count to 10 so that she can decide to stop "all by my own self". It takes a lot of experimentation to find what the best transition is for each situation. If I'm leaving, she likes to push me out the door (but that only started working recently). What works for my kid may not work for yours; the important thing is to try different kinds of transitions until you find one that works. I'm pretty sure that DH's habit (swoop child up without explanation) doesn't work for any child (and he knows full well it wouldn't work for him and is :O every time he realizes he's done it), but pretty much everything else works for somebody in some situation.