talk about conviction...

[Beauty4Ashes]

We take our sons to the play area at the mall a couple of times per week, and it always surprises me how punitive the parents appear to be with their children and how adversarial. One lady's daughter was crying (she was maybe 2 at the most) and she said to her, stop being such a cry baby. Another couple was heading to the elevator and their daughter also maybe 2-3 years old was lagging behind. The mother said to her, if you don't hurry up, we'll leave you behind. The girl started crying. Then I look at myself and realize that I sometimes act that way when ds1 won't stop crying...but it's in the privacy of our home, not out in public. I wince every time that dh yells at him because supposedly that's the way to get his attention, scare him a bit to get him to obey...Then I think of my own behavior and what a jerk I can be. Ouch.

[Soliloquy]

:hug

I know. I get mad when DH loses his patience with Gracie at times but then I do it too, of course. I'm working really hard on feeling sympathy rather than judgement for families who are stuck in the punitive mindset. I was on the phone with my SIL the other day and heard her snap at her DS--stop that or you're gonna get it!!!!!--all because he took some laundry out of the basket. :(

[Beauty4Ashes]

I don't know if for me it's a matter of judging the punitive families as it is feeling awful when I do the same as what they're doing. seeing how i must look like in front of my dc.

[mommyof3dds]

I understand just what you are saying. When I had my first child I knew I wouldn't use spanking and that I wanted to parent her a certain way. I was very successful with that and found myself watching other parents like you described and being very judgemental of them. Sadly, I've found that now with 3 children and a much busier life of activities and stuff that I'm more stressed and totally catch myself saying things and reacting in ways that I never thought I would. Just like you; I would never do it in public, but that doesn't make it any better. :blush I don't spank my children, but I do snap at them and sometimes say things that don't set an example of gentleness. I pray everyday that the Lord will help me to be a gentle parent who sets a good example. It is definetly a struggle sometimes. Now I try to remember not to judge and even though I don't necessarily say things like they do or threaten my children like that I do mess up other ways and really I'm not above making mistakes. One thing we can be thankful for is that we are aware of this and that it is wrong and work hard at not reacting that way. I guess that is all we can do....strive to be the best parents we can and admit when we make mistakes. I still get very sick when I'm out and hear people cursing their children or threatening them, but like the pp said I try not to judge and instead feel sorry for them.

[mamaKristin]

I totally understand. :yes

[hsgbdmama]

:hugheart But aren't you finding that with GBD you are much more aware and sensitive to it? I have. When I do yell :blush I catch myself, stop, deep breath, quick regroup, look at things from dc's POV, and then start again.

[SansSouci]

Yeah, that really is convicting.

I was at the dr's office, in the waiting room, and a mom was trying to get her 2-3 year old to come with her (they were ready to leave), and the girl didn't want to go. The mom says "Okay, I guess we'll just leave without you." and walked away. I kept an eye on the girl's face, and I saw immediate hurt/helplessness/fear in her face and she started crying. It REALLY pulled at me, thinking of how harsh that sounds from her POV. It REALLY effected me to not say that to my kiddos. (I never have said that to my dd, but it's something I've seen others do and I wondered if it worked.) BTW, the mom came back after the kid started crying, and picked the girl up and walked away. When I saw that, I thought "geez, if the mom's just going to carry her off, why didn't she just do that in the first place instead of scaring/abandoning her kid?"

-Elizabeth

[Beauty4Ashes]

Last night dh got angry about something and threw the spiderman punching bag across the room and stomped up the stairs. Tbh, I was scared. And it made me think, wow, my babies must feel the same way when I lose my temper that way. I felt so so awful about scaring them and getting out of control. it's been a while, but still...