Was this ok?

[Feorsteorra]

Ds is 11 mo and has pretty much fought sleep since birth. As he gets older, he gets better at it. Lately, when I'm trying to nurse him to sleep he just climbs down off the bed and walks away. Well, last night it was already after 9pm and 8pm is his bedtime (not strictly enforced). I was tired of trying to get him to sleep and I knew he was tired too (he'd nearly fallen asleep at 8:30pm), just fighting sleep.

Well, when he tried to climb down, I held him there and kept doing this. He cried and cried like he was mad, heartbroken, etc. :bheart I felt so bad. I even considered letting him get down, but I just really felt also that he needed to sleep, so I kept holding him with me. Finally, he just sat there and cried like he was so sad and then he looked for my breast and started nursing. He fell right to sleep.

I think he'd forgotten why he was crying and just remembered he was tired, teething, etc. So he wanted to nurse to make himself feel better and that's what I wanted him to do anyway because it put him to sleep.

But...I felt bad about it because he'd cried so hard and fought me. I know it's not considered CIO if you're holding the baby, but part of me really felt like this was like CIO. I dunno.

Is this jsut setting appropriate boundries and asserting parental authority, or is this "outlasting" or some sort of punitive thing? I just don't know how I feel about it or if I should do it again to make him sleep. :shrug

[raisa]

When my DS was just learning to climb down and walk, it was like he couldn't stop his body from doing it. The muscles were firing even though his brain wanted and needed to go to sleep. It sounds like you provided an external boundary that he couldn't provide himself. We've (actually DH more than me) have held DS while he screams, but usually in the rocking chair. At some point if DS gets too worked up with screaming, I'll transition to walking him around, going outside to say goodnight to the moon, or something to snap him out of it.

I wouldn't worry about what people online define as "CIO" or "not CIO." If YOU are uncomfortable and feel like you're not respectfully meeting your child's needs, then that's a signal for you to try something else. I don't know if I'd want to physically hold my baby down on the bed every night until he sleeps, but that's why we rock him to sleep (or nurse him until he says "shh!" and shuts his eyes in my arms. Or I just sit in the rocking chair and he climbs up and falls asleep on my shoulder).

[Wonder Woman]

when you know they need sleep, and you have provided them with a dry dipe, meds if needed, snuggles, and nursies, and they still cry - it's ok. Babies are going to cry sometimes. GBD provides for parental authority, administered with love and compassion, and it sounds as if that's what you gave him. :pray he feels better soon :hug

[Soliloquy]

I really don't think an outsider could answer that--it's something you have to know in your own heart. I was trying to think of how long you were holding him, etc. but it's all so dependent on the child and the situation. Gracie will sometimes fight her sleep, too. Last night, for example, we knew she was really tired and she was nursing in bed when all of a sudden she got up and asked for an egg. I thought she might really be hungry so we went downstairs but she really wanted to play in the kitchen. She was so tired she was getting frustrated with everything so I carried her, screaming, upstairs back into bed. We gave her some chamomile tablets and she nursed herself right to sleep.

So, my answer is yes, what you did was OK if you know it was in the best interest of your child. Our children don't always know what's best for them and sometimes they will get upset when we go ahead and do what we know to be best.

[Atarah]

:hug for your heart-break...

what kind of bed-time routine do you have?

I've done what you described a couple of times for naps....but my ds only has a hard time transitioning to sleep when some part of our normal routine in missed.

[Feorsteorra]

what kind of bed-time routine do you have?

I've done what you described a couple of times for naps....but my ds only has a hard time transitioning to sleep when some part of our normal routine in missed.

After supper is bathtime and then he usually plays for a while, then when he seems tired and/or around 8pm, I brush his teeth and lie down to bf him to sleep while listening to a lulaby CD. Sometimes, he just falls asleep fist try. More often, he nurses for a while then climbs down and walks away.

Ds has always had a hard time transitioning to sleep, even as a newborn. But bf always worked eventually until quite recently as he's learning more and more ways to fight sleep. Unless he really wants to sleep, he won't lie down to bf, but will do a whole acrobatic nursing routine to avoid falling asleep and of course he can now walk so he can just walk away (and walking always seems to get him wide awake).

Anyway, we saw this morning that he'd cut his 5th tooth, so the teething had to be a huge part of the difficulty last night. He's also really close to cutting a 6th tooth, but tonight went really well. He got really tired around 8:30pm and just bfed right to sleep without fighting or anything.

Just to clarify my OP...I wans't holding him tightly the whole time. I would hold him for a while and then let go to see what he'd do and then hold him again when he tried to get down. The whole thing took less than 15 min. But the way he was screaming and fighting me made me feel bad. :cry I didn't want him to feel like I was forcing him to bf...and I guess I just don't want him to hate me. :blush He is my first baby, and I really don't know what I'm doing...as he gets older, it gets harder.

[Soliloquy]

:hug

He won't hate you!!! Teething is hard--so is fighting sleep.

When Gracie was that age, I started nursing her to sleep while I was on my back and she was laid across me on her tummy. I found that rubbing her back--I mean really rubbing it--helped her settle down. If that didn't work, I would rock back and forth while nursing. The motion seemed to satisfy her. :shrug

It sounds like your bedtime routine is great!

[mommy2abigail]

Abby (also 11 months) sounds just like your ds. She has never slept well, actually still wakes every three hours. I realized, like the pp said that she needed some external bounderies. So at night when I lay down with her, if she hasn't fallen asleep nursing, she may lay down by me and do what she wants. BUT she has to be laying down. She can roll over, play with her binky, or whatever, but no crawling, walking, climbing, ect. I also just lay there with minimal contact. I didn't think it would work, but she knows now when I say lay down, she does. She does get frustrated sometimes, after all, she wants to play and practice all those new things. But a stressed out mama is no good for anyone, so for my sanity, I needed to enforce some bounderies with her. I hated dreading bed time, and I hated being permissive for hours and then ggetting upset because I was tired and cranky and she was tired and cranky. Doing it this way has allowed me to be very positive and gentle with her. I am neutral when I say lay down, not frustrated, yk? Since I've been doing this with her, she falls asleep within 15-20 min, and actually stays asleep longer than half hour!

[Radosny Matka]

:hug2 Sleep issues are so hard. My 2nd had/has major sleep issues. I have done something similar to what you have done. He went through a stage where he would get up and crawl off the bed. I would keep laying him back down. He would get frustrated. Yes, he would start to cry. Once he started crying I would offer him the breast again and he almost always went right to sleep. Thankfully this stage didn't last long.

[wombmate3]

:shifty

I am so glad it isn't just me. Noah is also this age (was 1 on Thursday) and we have been 'holding him down' to get him to go to sleep for about 6 months. I HATE doing it, and DH is much better at it than I am. It :bheart me. He actually is getting much better about going to sleep, but right about 6 months when he was just starting to crawl, we would literally hold him down at the waist with an arm while he screamed. Like a pp said, it was like he needed to sleep so desperately, but his muscles were still firing. I knew it was ok, because 3 minutes later he was deeply asleep for hours and hours, but still. I just hate it. I often tell DH it just doesn't feel GBD to me, even though I know he needs very very firm sleep boundries!

[Feorsteorra]

My 2nd had/has major sleep issues. I have done something similar to what you have done. He went through a stage where he would get up and crawl off the bed. I would keep laying him back down. He would get frustrated. Yes, he would start to cry. Once he started crying I would offer him the breast again and he almost always went right to sleep.
It sounds like you have an easier time with this...when ds first cried in frustration, I was too scared to offer the breast for fear he'd bite me. :nails So I waited until he wasn't sounding angry anymore. I dunno; it just really hurts when he bites my nipple. :(

[wombmate3]

I dunno; it just really hurts when he bites my nipple. :(


:giggle :amen

I am so sorry, I don't mean to laugh. It's just that I can SO relate to what you are saying!!!! I sometimes get the impression from my more mainstream breastfeeding friends that I should just let him chomp on me, like it's part of breastfeeding. They can't understand why I won't!!!! It's hurts!!!!

[Feorsteorra]

I sometimes get the impression from my more mainstream breastfeeding friends that I should just let him chomp on me, like it's part of breastfeeding. They can't understand why I won't!!!! It's hurts!!!!
That's odd...my more mainstream breastfeeding friends either bite thier kids back (horrible, I know :bheart ) or just wean entirely when the baby bites...your friends must be of the more permissive group.

[wombmate3]

I sometimes get the impression from my more mainstream breastfeeding friends that I should just let him chomp on me, like it's part of breastfeeding. They can't understand why I won't!!!! It's hurts!!!!
That's odd...my more mainstream breastfeeding friends either bite thier kids back (horrible, I know :bheart ) or just wean entirely when the baby bites...your friends must be of the more permissive group.


Maybe that's what I meant. More permissive rather than mainstream. They see GBD as too much work. So they yell at their kids and smack them, but they never set boundries and then enforce them. Too much work. :jawdrop How hard is it to say "no" and then back up that "no" by imposing limits and appropriate consequenses really? I know, a little off-topic. It takes GOYB parenting and I guess that *is* hard, but so much more rewarding.