2yo drawing on the walls

[Aerynne]

So I shouldn't have left the pen out. And I didn't know it was where she could get it, but she gets into so much these days. WWYD for discipline? The first thing I did was send her into the bedroom to sit on the bed (shouldn't have done this, but I didn' t know what to do). I didn't yell or anything, just calmly told her drawing on the walls was not okay. Then when I got my wits about me I got her out and had her sit on my lap while I cleaned it off and told her how this is our home and we have to keep it nice and it makes Mama sad and Jesus sad when we draw on the walls because it makes our nice home ugly. Was this too much guilt for a 2yo? Actually, she's not quite 2. I don't know what to do aside from punish or lecture. I didn't yell and I certainly didn't spank, but I know there was a better way to handle this. Ideas?

[BeckaBlue]

I'd have her 'help' she's too young by herself but to be helping is good. magic erasers are a godsend ;) :giggle

I dunno how it makes Jesus sad though? :/
I also don't think anything a person does *makes* a person sad they're your emotions, nobody can *make* them be *that* emotion, kwim?
"mommy is sad about the drawing, we need to keep our house pretty, help clean up" is about what would be sufficent for her age imo

[Aerynne]

I dunno how it makes Jesus sad though? :/


Whether it's appropriate to say that to a 2yo is another story, but I do believe it makes Jesus sad when children do not obey their parents (and yes she knows that she's not supposed to color on the walls- as soon as she was done she came up to me, handed me the pen, and said "Bee no color walls"- she knows it's a rule not to do it) and I also believe it makes him sad when we don't keep our home nice. JMHO, but as to whether it's appropriate to say that to a 2yo, I'm leaning towards it not being appropriate (though I think I might say it to her if she did something deliberately mean, like hit someone).

Anyway, I obviously didn't handle this very well. What would you have done? I like the idea of having her help except for she thinks it's fun and maybe she'd think "Hey, mom's on the computer and I'm bored. If I color on the walls she'll have to get off and we'll get to do a fun cleaning project together." That's what I'm trying to avoid. She loves to clean, so I feel like I might be rewarding her bad behavior. Do you think that's a concern?

Interesting point about not making someone sad. I have always been careful about "That makes Mama sad" instead of "You made Mama sad" but maybe I need to take it a step further. Would "Mama is sad about you ____ing" be okay or do I need to leave the "you" out of it?

I probably just need to pay more attention to her and keep things out of her reach better. We do play together a lot and I don't ignore her to be on the computer, though now I'm kind-of ignoring her because I just don't know what to do with her right now.

[Mothering by Heart]

My kids like to wipe things up to, but it has not encouraged them to color on the walls :shrug

When it has happened, I have them clean it up then remind them that we color on paper and remind her where it is. She has free acces to it.

The bigger deal I make it, the more "taboo" it is.

[BeckaBlue]

I see where you're coming from about it making Jesus sad. :)
I think at 2yo it's hard to keep impulses in, so I'm not surprised that she didn't follow the rule that she knows. Make sure she has an apropriate place to draw whenever she wants. an easel might be nice since it's standing like the wall.
I personally leave out the *you did* type thing because to me it feels like i'm still blaming them for my emotions. I state the fact that i am sad, and that i'm sad to see drawing on the walls. they know they did it and don't feel i need to point it out again assiciating their actions with me feeling, swim? I catch myself saying things in a way i feel uncomfortable with. I know when my dd says "you doing this is making me mad" i don't take it well because i feel like she is blaming me for her emotions, maybe it's not, but when in the moment, emotions can be taken out of hand and i prefer to keep them each persons responsibility (not to not feel a certain way, but to express them as *yours* without the blame on someone else) so i try to say it in a way that if it was said to me, would not get my panties in a wad :giggle I think im being about as clear as mud :/ am i making sense? lol, im getting into a ramble
If you feel like she'd do something just to get to clean, well maybe she'd do better cleaning then i'm thinking :giggle tbh it sunded like you did about the same as i would have, only engaging the child to also clean up instead of just sitting near me. you were still spending that time with her while you were cleaning, kwim?
and sending her to her bed isn't necessarily a bad thing, it can be beneficial to get your wits about you ;) much better than lashing out in the moment :tu
:hug

[Aerynne]

I'm not surprised she doesn't follow a rule she knows, either. It's age appropriate behavior, for sure, but it sure gets to me! I didn't send her to sit on the bed because I thought it was the right thing to do, but rather, like you said, to get my wits about me. I had no idea what to do so I thought if I had her out of my hair for awhile I could think of what to do- that's when I came up with what I did next. It's so frustrating! It's impossible to childproof completely.

Thanks for the advice. Sometimes I just need to remember in my heart and not just my mind that she's only two.

[SansSouci]

My first thought was "Why are the pens out?" But then you say she's getting into everything... and I can comisserate! I've started keeping the markers in a plastic container in a cupboard that is locked with a childlock that is too high for her to reach (she can do all of the childlocks on the cabinets she can reach). Next I need to move the scissors there!

I think you handled it fine, though I don't think I would've done the bed-thing especially with her being so young. You probably just needed to gather your wits, though, so that's probably why it was your first thought. Having her be with you while cleaning it up (and helping you clean it up) is a great idea.

I don't understand bring Jesus into it, but that's b/c my brain hasn't gotten "there" yet. A friend of mine brings Jesus into things a lot (with regards to discipline and misbehaving), and I'm trying to understand that. But, anyways, as far as saying that it makes you said... I would say to my dd "I get sad when I see the walls are all marked on. We only color on paper. Now let's go clean the walls and then we can color on paper." (or something along that line)

-Elizabeth

[milkmommy]

I woiuld have simpily brought her over handed her a magic eraser or some other appropiae cleaning material and said. We do not draw on the walls we only draw on paper that mommy or daddy gives you. This needs to be cleaned off lets start.. At two I'd expect to need to help her clean...

I wonder if your DD really thought of her actions as coloring he walls or as 'making them pretty" Kids a re very literal especially at her age. Her saying "bee no color walls" might have meant I didn't color I made things pretty.

Deanna

[joyfulmomsie]

We've had to deal with this too. I keep all crayons, markers, pens, etc. on top of the refridgerator where the little ones haven't been able to climb yet. ;) I will get them out for the 5 yo, and she has to use them in a place where they will be out of the reach of her little brother (at the bar, on her top bunk, etc.) She also has to bring them to me to put up when she is done. I've told her that if she wants to use the "big kid" colors, she is responsible for helping me keep them out of little brother's reach. Otherwise, she can use the same "little kid" colors that her brother gets (the ones that only mark on special paper.)

[abcmommy]

for me this falls under the heading of Things Kids Do Regardless of How We Parent.

This is a big subject area, as you already know if you have an older child who has maybe cut their own hair, taken candy from the store (been spared that so far here) trimmed the cats' whiskers ( my brother) said something dreadfully rude to a family friend (my own childhood penchant)and etc.

I dont even blink at colored on walls since I tried the magic eraser. No need to stress, mama! It comes right off!

easy for me to say all this, since its not my hot button issue, right? LOL
Try what I do, pray for patience and tolerance of small people and their explorations of our world.

[raisa]

I don't know what to do aside from punish or lecture. I didn't yell and I certainly didn't spank, but I know there was a better way to handle this. Ideas?

I'm impressed you didn't yell :tu especially if you were angry. I tend to raise my voice (in surprise, in anger, in emphasis) and I'm really working on that. Other ideas -- tell the child what you observed "I see marker on the wall." Tell her what needs to happen "This is a mess. It needs to be cleaned up. Our walls need to be clean." Redirect her "Markers go on the paper." Or take a preventative measure "Markers are going away because Mama doesn't want to clean up messes." If she needs to stay out of the way while you clean, that's fair enough, but I wouldn't do "go to your room" as a punishment. Especially if she was coloring because she was ignored, or trying to communicate something to you, I'd make some time to reconnect instead of isolating her.

it makes Mama sad and Jesus sad when we draw on the walls because it makes our nice home ugly.

We try not to use the word "ugly" in our home ever since my DH pointed out how much contempt is in that word -- it is a degrading and invalidating term (my family used to say "ugly feelings" instead of "big feelings" :( ). A toddler might think they created something beautiful and colorful and I don't think it's necessary to degrade them for it. I wouldn't say "oh pretty colors!" :no2 but I wouldn't make a value judgment out of it either. They just need to know that coloring is for paper. And then they need more supervision because they've got a lot more experimenting to do in life, and you need to protect your property if that's important to you.

I'm really careful with "this makes Mama sad." I know it's fair to let some of our honest emotions show. So if I'm really hurt I let myself yell an honest "ow!" Or if I'm sad I don't necessarily suck it up to hide it from DS. I want my child to develop sympathy and empathy. But, I don't want him to fear my negative feelings, or behave in an effort to "make" me "happy."

And I do disagree that a 2yo drawing on the cupboards makes Jesus sad. A 2yo is not capable of "disobedience" in the mature sense of deliberately sinning. I think Jesus probably did the same thing as a 2 yo. But this is probably more a theological and doctrinal issue than a discipline one.

[Aerynne]

Thanks for the ideas. I didn't know about the magic eraser- I used rubbing alcohol, which is why I didn't want her helping- I didn't want it on her hands.

Good point about the word ugly. Sometimes it's so hard to say the right thing when I'm so surprised.

She said "Bee no color walls" before I even saw she colored in the walls. She does things like this all the time. If she gets ahold of something she's not supposed to have, she brings it to me and says "Bee no have scissors" or whatever. She'll see a knife when I'm right there and say "Bee no touch knife" (as she touches it pointing to it to indicate she shouldn't have it).

Raisa, it sounds like you've read my favorite parenting book, how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk, or at least something similar to that. :tu

[Punkie]

My 2yo is quite the artist ;) She has colored everything from our walls to our big screen tv :shock She seems to be over it now. I reinforced that coloring had to be done on paper and that she needed to bring crayons (or pens, markers, etc) to me if she found them and I wasn't around. She also helped me to clean up. She likes cleaning, but it stuck that she shouldn't color the walls :shrug She didn't think it was a reward or anything.

I used the advice on the crayola site and used wd40 to get the crayon off of the wall. It worked wonders :tu For the tv, soapy water (made with dish soap) did the trick. Everything else has used one of the 2 above techniques for removal. :)

My mom grew up in an extremely punitive home and she colored on a lot of things too. Her family talks about how she'd hide under coffee tables to color on them so she wouldn't get in trouble. I think it is one of those things that some kids try no matter how they're raised and others (like my son) never try. :shrug