Stop talking PLEASE...

[frances]

So this is what ds, who's 2.5, says to dh and I when we start to really get into a conversation. We're not arguing, or raising our voices, we're just conversing. It was kinda funny at first, but now he just becomes more insistant and can reach meltdown levels if we don't stop talking. I'm not sure how to handle this and I don't know why he is even saying this, any ideas? I have a feeling that he wants attention or wants to be part of the conversation, but he doesn't understand what we are talking about (he has asked a few times, 'what are you talking about?') and doesn't know how to appropriately handle his need. Do we just ignore him? I tend to be the permissive archetype, so I'm not sure if I should follow my instinct, which is to find a creative, age appropriate way to help him enter the conversation. Would that be just letting him dictate our conversations? Sorry if this seems like such a goofy question - I have been around some punitive-minded folks lately and I just get start to second guess my instincts.

Thanks in advance.

[Fern]

My dd does this too. We tell her that we are talking and she needs to stop interrupting, but then we pretty much drop the conversation until later. I'll be watching this thread to see what suggestions people have!

[ClearSky]

After he interrupts once, you might ask if he is interested in talking with Mommy and Daddy. If he says yes, tell him that when Mommy and Daddy are done with their conversation, the two of you will be happy to talk about what he would like to speak about. If he has difficulty with 'waiting' for that to happen then remind him to be thinking about what he wants to talk about. Just an idea.

[raisa]

Hmmm, I KNOW I've seen this exact issue around here before. It seems like there's a phase where children want to boss their parents around, especially mom and dad together (someone had a problem with the child yelling "don't hold hands!") I didn't find the exact threads, but here's a lot on interupting:

Teaching Children not to Interrupt (http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/mb/index.php?topic=35348.0")
Interrupting and Arguing (http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/mb/index.php?topic=29340.0")
Interrupting (http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/mb/index.php?topic=13028.0")
Help I don't think I'm Doing This Right (http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/mb/index.php?topic=46645.0")
Teaching a Toddler to Be Quiet (http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/mb/index.php?topic=4505.0")

I'm not sure if I should follow my instinct, which is to find a creative, age appropriate way to help him enter the conversation.

I think that's exactly it. I wonder if eye contact or physical contact would help. I'd look for ways to stay connected with the child while continuing the conversation -- Maybe let him sit on your lap and look at your face, or brush your hair while you talk. It sounds sweet that he really wants to participate but is frustrated that he can't. I don't think there's anything wrong with "involving" him or changing the subject to something he can participate in -- to me, the value of family conversation is more important than the value of a long uninterrupted conversation about American Idol or the water bill or whatever else we talk about. And it's not like the child is going to sit there for a full twenty minutes talking, he'll probably run on to something else as soon as he feels connected and involved.

Also, sometimes I think my DS (even though he's very young) picks up on tension in our conversations even if we think we sound calm. (Actually he starts to imitate my voice, which is kind of funny, but it's a reminder that I need to connect with him and probably put the conversation off for a better time).

Edited to Fix links

[frances]

Thanks for the links, Robin!

I think that you may be onto something about sensing the tension in our voices. Dh is latin american and has a completely different way of speaking from me and, well, most americans. I think that ds is picking up on this and is not able to understand that while certain tones mean one thing in one culture - they can, and usually do, mean something very different in another culture. I have noticed also that when I speak spanish my accents and tones are very different than my english ones - and I think that ds just doesn't like it when I speak spanish. It's too different from my usual voice.

Also, :O I think we have to limit our conversations on politics!

I'm going to try more eye contact and physical touch - I think that will help him understand the context of the conversation (ie: not tense) and will make him feel more involved.

[raisa]

That is very interesting about the Spanish! I bet your DS is really straining to pick up your emotions from it. Do you use Spanish for other things with him, like singing children's songs or playing games (I'm trying to think of more "connection" things?)

Also, I think we have to limit our conversations on politics!

We are like this too :yes It's important to me that DS grows up being comfortable with disagreement and able to politely debate and express strong opinions. But we probably need to pace ourselves.