How quickly should a 3 yo obey?

[haak]

My DH and I have noticed lately our 3 yo is not obeying very quickly or at all. I do the 5 steps with her but she actually seems to thrive on the attention of when I make her come or put toys away by putting my hand over hers or guiding her by the arm. What is a better solution or should I keep with this?

Example
Me- "Please put your coat away."
3yo- ignore me
Me- "Put your coat away or I will help you."
3yo- closes her eyes ( a new behavior that I am also wondering about- it is driving me crazy. Anytime I am telling her something important or serious she closes her eyes. What should I do about that?)
Me- Put my hand over hers- pick up the coat and walk with her to the closet.
3yo- smirks and starts making baby talk sounds

HELP please!

[AmyDoll]

What is she doing when you ask her to hang up her coat? Are you just coming inside? Is there a "routine" in place?
We have a coming into the house routine - we come in take off coats, hang them up, take off shoes & put them away or on the stairs, we wash our hands. I'm hands on the whole time we do this. Though Sam is younger - I'm thinking a more hands on approach might be useful if she's struggling.
We don't usually say "please" for commands - it could be my dh's european influence though - there's no word for please in his native language (danish) but it also is more "I mean business" w/o sounding harsh.
I also do a lot of "automatic" helping "Let's pick up your toys so we can go to storytime." No struggle
I try to give a reason and a what's next - "let's brush your teeth then we'll read a story - it's time for bed."

[Mothering by Heart]

I agree with Amy about the routine.

AFA closing her eyes. My dd is three and she does that. If she closes her eyes I can't see her, KWIM?

[Mothering by Heart]

Sorry, double post

[ArmsOfLove]

to answer your subject line: as quickly as you are willing to make it happen :)

to address this: she actually seems to thrive on the attention of when I make her come or put toys away by putting my hand over hers or guiding her by the arm. It is very normal for 3yo's to thrive on the interaction and social aspect of things and if she's an extrovert or her love language is quality time and attention then she will always thrive on the things you do together :grin

though, you aren't using the actual language of the 5 Steps and I find when I say anything other than "You need to" many children are less likely to respond immediately. As soon as I realize what I've said I quickly rephrase with "You need to" and the child usually jumps right up and complies :)

[Cindy]

IAFA closing her eyes. My dd is three and she does that. If she closes her eyes I can't see her, KWIM?


I was thinking it might be something like that :giggle

Also, young children sometimes need more time to process directions and decide how to respond.

[Joanne]

though, you aren't using the actual language of the 5 Steps

:yes

I would add that "..........or I'll help you" is more adversarial/threatening in tone than "Can you do it or do you need my help". I would consider going back to the original language of the steps.

And I wanted to address specifically:

but she actually seems to thrive on the attention of when I make her come

You say this like it's a bad thing. ;) Honestly, discipline does not have to feel bad or hurt or be unpleasant in order to be firm and effective. She's 3. Soon, you won't have to assist her in the same ways. But for now, you do. Just like if you used punishment, you'd "have to" administer or impose it more frequently at this age than you would at later ages.

[haak]

OK thanks Ladies- this is such a shift for me in the way I was raised. I guess I thought she wasn't supposed to like my help but knowing it is OK is great. And yes Cystal from what I can see now her love language seems to be time and attention and she is VERY extroverted. I will go review the language of the 5 steps now!!!

[freshwaterfish]

Where do I find these five steps? My son is 2.5 and when I am trying to get him ready for our walk, it takes me 15 minutes cause he's constantly wandering off or not cooperating. To this point, I've just followed him around, or picked him back up off the floor, etc, but it's getting increasingly frustrating, and he seems to take great pleasure in making this part of our day as difficult for me as possible... Help! (Sorry to hijack this thread!)

April

[mom2threePKs]

There's a sticky all about the five steps at the top of this board. Hope that helps...

Magan