Teasing his sister

[ozmummy]

I am going a bit nuts here on this issue...

ds 6yo will bait/tease his sister 2.5yo. And she *screams*.

I am unsure how to respond. I would like him to stop (obviously), but I don't want her to develop a "victim" mentality either kwim?

Here is an example:

Last night dd was at the table eating. Ds finds her special doll, and races around the room with it - "Baby Jack is flying!!!!". He's going round and round the lounge with it - and I could see his eyes keep looking at her, waiting for a reaction.
Luckily, she didn't notice, and I said, *fiercely* "Give Baby Jack back to your sister". He sort of threw the doll onto the table next to his sister :rolleyes.

So that time, she didn't react because she didn't realise.

So usually she does realise and would scream "Lok!!!!STOP!!!" "Baby Jack!!!!!" "I don't like it!!!!" or something like that. And SCREAM!!!!

Then I would intervene, "Can you see what Star is doing?"
ds" Screaming"
me"What does that mean?"
ds"Stop"
me"Ok stop/give it back"

That dialogue has just started in the last day or two, because I talked with him about it - what her words mean at that time, and what he needs to do in response..

Is this OK? Do you think it will help?
Is there something else I can do? What about making amends?
And what about times where it's just one thing after another...?

Thanks

[mom2threePKs]

Well, one thing won't work every time but what you are doing is good! I would suggest the book Siblisngs Without Rivalry by Faber and Mazlisch (sp?). It will give you some ideas for avoiding the victim mentality you mentioned. If your dd is verbal enough, give her scripts and words to use with her brother. Try not to make a big deal out of it. So if she is screaming at him, tell her to talk in a voice he can understand and say, "Brother please give me my doll back" or whatever words she can handle. Part of his motivation is her reaction. If you can help her realize she has some control in the situation you will reduce that victim mentality.

And the other thingto remember is to try to keep it playful. So when he is flying baby jack around the table, bring attention to it. Make it playful,
"LOOK DD, Brother is making baby jack super jack off to rescue the world!!!!!"
Sing a super hero theme song, then "help" super jack fly back to DD, or say, in your best super hero narrator voice, "After rescuing the world super-jack is ready to turn back into a normal baby and take a nap in (DD's) arms."

Most of all though, try and relax and know that some of the teasing and scream is just a normal part of brothers and sisters learning to live together!!!!!

magan

[Anginj]

I am soooo glad you asked this question! I have a 5yodd who baits her 6yo sister in a similar way. I don't have much to offer, I'm just hoping that you (we) get some good answers!
So far the main thing I've started doing is to remind 5yo that she is not respecting her sister's feelings/wishes. I tell her that she likes to be listened to, and she needs to do likewise. I tell the 6yo (who is a very high strung, emotional child) that she cannot control her sister, but she can learn to control herself. It's really hard. I am new to this gentle, grace based approach to discipline so I'm also working at undoing some of the habits to which we've all grown accustomed.