Need some input, please! DS grits teeth when angry, and 1 other question....

[Sarai]

My nearly-3 year old DS (he'll be 3 in May) has started gritting his teeth when he's angry. The action doesn't bother me so much (as my daycare provider said "it's certainly better than hitting!"), but I am VERY concerned that he will hurt his teeth (break them or whatever). I try to gently put my hand on his jaw when he does this and say something to the effect of "honey, don't do that- you're going to hurt your teeth (get a boo-boo, etc.). So far this has had no effect. :rolleyes Does anyone have any ideas on what I should do? Should I just ignore it? :shrug My biggest concern is that he's going to hurt himself, KWIM?

My second question is how to deal with DS thinking I'm always angry at him. For some background, we have never spanked or threatened spanking -early on, DS asked, out of the blue "You hit me, Mama?(meaning, would you hit me?). I was kind of shocked that he even thought of this, and assured him that no, Mama and Daddy would NEVER hit him. We love him very much, and we don't hit people (this was right around the time he was going thru a phase of hitting other kids). Anyway, we did use a traditional timeout at that time, but realized after a while that even that was too harsh for DS- the separation from us.

Long story short, even before we employed GBD, we knew that spanking was not right and were AP-leaning. I, especially, have been careful to not speak in anger , using a firm voice and not yelling,etc. Still, anytime I speak to him in a firm voice, DS flings his arms around me or hangs his head and says "Mama, don't be mad with me" in a very sad voice. And 9 times out of 10, I'm not! I'm nowhere near speaking in an angry tone (and have asked DH and my mom, just in case). He even interrupted my SIL who was speaking firmly to her DS yesterday by putting his hand on her shoulder (she was kneeling ;) ) and said very gently, "Aunty, don't be mad with J". :blush My SIL wasn't bothered & actually thought it was funny, but I just don't know what to do! She wasn't yelling or angry either.

I don't want DS to think I"m constantly angry with him, but I do sometimes need to speak firmly. It's always in a kind but firm tone, with my actions reflecting that. To be honest, DH raises his voice MUCH more than I do ( he's working on it though, and has really come a long way :amen), and DS never says it to him. I truly don't get the sense that he's trying to "get out " of whatever he's supposed to be doing- I 'm afraid he really things I"m angry! :( This is really bothering me. Any advice is really appreciated.

Thanks ~

[liamum]

My thought is, isn't it okay to be angry sometimes, as long as you are expressing the anger appropriately with a talking voice and not yelling, hitting, etc.? What I am trying to get is, maybe DS is practicing or trying to figure out how or what is acceptable for expressing anger? Like if he is angry, how can he best express it, so he asks or gets concerned when he interprets you as being angry? I don't know of course, this is just one possibility. Maybe you can discuss the emotion of anger with him and what it means. Then maybe you can explain the emotion you are actually feeling toward his behavior, like, "I am not angry. I am hurt that you threw your toy and broke it" or something along those lines.

[Sarai]

OOPS... I thought you were responding to my "gritting teeth" question, and realized it was to the other. :O I completely agree that it's more than OK to be angry- anger *is* a real emotion! My problem is that I am usually NOT angry- nowhere near it!- when he says this.

Here's an example: It's time to pick up the toys. I'll tell him "Time to pick up!" (usually accompanied by the "clean up song" LOL). I wait a minute, since sometimes he'll start picking up himself. If he refuses or runs off to avoid picking up, then I take him by the hand, ask if he needs help picking up (he usually says "yes"), and then make a game of it. If he refuses/runs off again, I say in a firm voice "DS, it's time to pick up the toys. Mama will help you, but you have to help, too". This is the point where he begs me not to be mad. :scratch