How would you feel if...

[CakeLady]

someone told their child to push your child back? My 18mo DD is being aggressive (and we are working on this) and my sister has told her kids (21 mo and 3 yrs) that they can push her back. I am not sure how I feel about this....I am torn between my two feelings....

[flowermama]

I would feel angry and hurt, surprised, confused.... An 18 month old is just learning and needs guidance. Do you think she thinks your dd will learn not to push if they push her back? :scratch That won't work because toddlers learn from how they are treated, by example and by being taught. If they are pushed, they will learn to push, too.

I think it would be helpful to stay right beside your little one when she is around other children so you can intervene/redirect immediately, before she pushes if possible. If other children were to actually push my child (and such a young child at that!), though, and the mom supported that and told them they could do that, I would probably either say something to the mom or would choose not to be around them at least until this phase passed.

:hugheart

[OpalsMom]

I would be upset. Her kids absolutely should be encouraged to defend themselves, but pushing back isn't an appropriate way of doing that (note that when they get to school "He pushed me first" is absolutely not going to work as a reason for getting into a fight). She should be telling them to use their words, to get away from her, to ask for help from an adult... It's bad for your DD and for her kids if they push back.

[flowermama]

I agree with OpalsMom. What your sister is teaching her children (to push back) is not healthy for either her children or your dd. :sad2 Children need to be taught appropriate and healthy ways to communicate and interact with other children. :heart

Wendy, hopefully you and your sister can discuss this, addressing her concerns and yours, and can both come up with some solutions that will meet everyone's needs. (((hugs))) :pray

[mamaKristin]

I'd be mad. Pushing in a 18 month old is age appropriate, but not socially appropriate. That doesn't give anyone the right to push back. I'm sure if either of your sister's kids were going through a biting stage, she wouldn't want your child to be given the green light to bite back. I wouldn't have my child around hers if they are being given permission from their parent to push. It could so easily be translated in toddler/preschooler brains as "just push", even if they weren't pushed first. I don't go for encouraging agression.

[raisa]

I would feel like protecting my child at all costs. I would say "We don't push," period. I would stand say "that was an accident, Baby says I'm sorry I didn't know my hands would hurt you," and remove him the moment he hit or pushed. I would stand by close enough to prevent more pushing and to be sure he was feeling "safe" around the other kids, ready to distract him with other toys, and be right there if he got too close.

During the Superbowl, DS was playing with some smaller but older toddlers. He has a strong throwing arm, and after one throw in a bad direction one of the parents jokingly yelled "get that kid back!" So I sat right there on the floor with him. Close enough to grab his arm and stop him before he could hurt someone. Yes, it was a pain and I was embarrassed to be sitting with the kids basically in front of the tv, in everyone's line of vision, instead of sitting back and eat snacks on the couch like all the other parents. But I think it prevented something worse from happening. And gave the message that I was taking responsibility for him but also protecting him.

[CakeLady]

I am so glad that y'all seem to agree with how I was feeling about the situation. We are on vacation, so I can't just leave my sister's house....but I am keeping a VERY close eye on the kiddos!

[Desert Rose]

:banghead

Sorry you had to go thru this! I agree, your sister is wrong!

:hugheart

[Desert Rose]

:banghead

Sorry you had to go thru this! I agree, your sister is wrong!

:hugheart

[CakeLady]

:banghead

Sorry you had to go thru this! I agree, your sister is wrong!

:hugheart


Janice-

I gave Tanya an earful this morning...did she tell you whatelse is going on....ie the nursing comment? I can't wait to get home....

[CakeLady]

:banghead

Sorry you had to go thru this! I agree, your sister is wrong!

:hugheart


Janice-

I gave Tanya an earful this morning...did she tell you whatelse is going on....ie the nursing comment? I can't wait to get home....

[Desert Rose]

Yes she told me. :no2

:hugheart

[Desert Rose]

Yes she told me. :no2

:hugheart

[ArmsOfLove]

I could understand with my 3 year old, but with my 18 month old :hunh :hissyfit I wouldn't let my child play with hers :no2

[ArmsOfLove]

I could understand with my 3 year old, but with my 18 month old :hunh :hissyfit I wouldn't let my child play with hers :no2