Aggressive 18 mo old....Please HELP!!!

[CakeLady]

DD is acting really aggressive with her cousins (who are around the same age). I am starting to question my "parenting" style which is GD cuz it just doesn't seem to be working. How much is she supposed to understand when I talk to her....I don't want to resort to spanking (I feel myself getting very frustrated with her behaviors). We can't just leave cuz we are on vacation at their house for the week. I am constantly watching her and talking with her about her behaviors.

I am really, really frustrated....HELP!!!!!!

[Mamatoto]

:hug I have two extremely hands on aggressive children. :grin

Well, the best thing for me is to keep redirecting and keeping them busy. With an aggressive child, I don't just leave them to play with other children. They need to be constantly shown how to touch gentle and play nicely. Can you go outside often while you are there? She's going to need active activities. I spend a lot of time during the day tickling and wrestling with my hands on little guy, we dance a lot, lots of touchy activities because his body NEEDS it. At this age, I don't use a lot of words other than gentle and no hit, I am hands on removing them and redirecting, taking him to the sink to play, or putting him in his highchair to color or paint.

[AmyDoll]

Non-GD parenting isn't going to help here! :hug Hitting her (spanking) isn't going to teach her not to hit when she's frustrated - especially if you're spanking bc *you* are frustrated ;)

Hands on is the way to go. :tu Also, make sure that you are modeling gentleness - don't "grab" anything from her or move her aggressively.

A comfort corner can help since you can't leave. She might be overstimulated. Just move both of you to a quieter area and take a break, nurse, read a book, color, play playdoh.

If she gets angry you can sing "if you're angry and you know it" (stomp your feet, growl like a bear, cross your arms)

Another thing that helps is ROUTINE - harder on vacation but you can try to get up and go to bed and eat at the same time.

[ArmsOfLove]

Woah! It's not about talking with her--it's about stopping her. You just don't have to add a spanking to that :shrug If she's being aggressive then use your body to stop her; pick her up and move her; make her take a break; leave if it continues happening. Get her play dates, if you can, with some older children who will help set boundaries with her and move themselves away. And be right there to stop her hands. When a child is aggressive it's really important that you teach them to respect body boundaries and spankings will undermine that. But you're right, she won't understand talking. You have to make your words mean something :)

[CakeLady]

Sorry, I was really frustrated when I wrote the email. I do remove her from the situation and we have alone time and that's when I tell her hands are not for hitting, etc. I think DD and I will have to make sure we get alone time even though it will be hard...

Also, we have asked the 3yo to tell DD not to hit him when she does it. URGH! I have so much more to say, but it will have to wait until I am home.....

[OpalsMom]

For us, stopping hitting has always been all about figuring out why DD was hitting. We've had three or four hitting episodes, starting at just around a year. Each time we try what worked last time, and it is a complete failure. Like talking to a wall. Then we figure out what she's up to this time, and fix that. So first she was hitting just because she was excited, and then she was hitting because she was mad, and then she was hitting to try to get Daddy to play with her, and then she was hitting to get some space. Each time, when we worked out another way for her to meet her goal that was OK with everybody, it didn't take long to teach her to use it. Like we'd try a perfectly reasonable-looking tactic 40 times, then we'd catch on and offer a solution that was actually appropriate and she'd stop in 2-3 times, needing only occasional reminders later.