Marmee
02-24-2006, 04:35 PM
My 31 month old son has been a bit on the aggresive side lately. (Okay, a lot on the aggresive side.) I don't really know why? :shrug
He is in a sort of "transitional" phase. He has recently weaned himself (almost completely - very occasionally asks). His health has improved (he has celiac disease and has recently experienced a growth spurt). He started speech about two months ago (only 2x per month), but it is really helping him. He just seems to get frustrated when he can't make us understand what he wants. He has become more emotional, more sensitive lately (cries if you correct him, runs and hides or hides his face). He likes to play with a plastic knight set. He loves the helmet and the plastic sword. Sometimes my DH, my DD, or myself will "pretend sword-fight" with him. This is probably his favorite game. Lately he has taken to attacking with the sword unprovoked, even after repeated lessons on asking first if we want to play that game. He runs at us and throws himself on us grabbing at hair and jumping on us. It is clear when he does this (for the most part) that he just wants us to play. He loves to rough house. We try to play with him in that way when we can. But how do you make him understand that there is play and then there is being mean and hurtful? He sometimes hurts his 6 yr. old sister playing too rough. When we say to him, "Look, your sister is crying. That is too rough, you need to be gentle, please." That is when he runs and hides. He never wants to say sorry or ask for forgiveness. He is a very loving child most of the time. He asks if we are alright if someone gets hurt - except when he does the hurting. Then he seems to clam up and not care? My husband wants him to be able to "be a boy", as he was never allowed that growing up. But, quite obviously, he wants him to be careful of his sister and mother (and anyone else) even when he is playing a wilder game. I feel like he is struggling with a new phase in his life. "How do I relate to Mommy, now that I am not having "la-la" to stay connected?" How am I different than my sister? (She plays endlessly with dolls and is very "girly". He will play with her with dolls and loves the kitchen set. He also like to rough house - and so does she. They play Narnia a lot. She has read the books - he just plays along!) I just don't understand how such a compassionate child has gotten so rough and won't acknowledge when he hurts someone. Maybe I am expecting too much of him? I don't want to take away his fun with the wrestling with Daddy on the floor and playing with the knight costumes and sword. I would just like to help him learn when is an appropriate time to stop the make believe or tone it down. Does anyone else have boys who do this? Sometimes he seems to "attack" for attention (if I am busy, etc.) He also throws toys at his sister or hits her with things if he doesn't get his way. I guess there are two issues here - aggression in play and aggression when something doesn't go his way. He doesn't seem to be able to control it in either situation.
He is in a sort of "transitional" phase. He has recently weaned himself (almost completely - very occasionally asks). His health has improved (he has celiac disease and has recently experienced a growth spurt). He started speech about two months ago (only 2x per month), but it is really helping him. He just seems to get frustrated when he can't make us understand what he wants. He has become more emotional, more sensitive lately (cries if you correct him, runs and hides or hides his face). He likes to play with a plastic knight set. He loves the helmet and the plastic sword. Sometimes my DH, my DD, or myself will "pretend sword-fight" with him. This is probably his favorite game. Lately he has taken to attacking with the sword unprovoked, even after repeated lessons on asking first if we want to play that game. He runs at us and throws himself on us grabbing at hair and jumping on us. It is clear when he does this (for the most part) that he just wants us to play. He loves to rough house. We try to play with him in that way when we can. But how do you make him understand that there is play and then there is being mean and hurtful? He sometimes hurts his 6 yr. old sister playing too rough. When we say to him, "Look, your sister is crying. That is too rough, you need to be gentle, please." That is when he runs and hides. He never wants to say sorry or ask for forgiveness. He is a very loving child most of the time. He asks if we are alright if someone gets hurt - except when he does the hurting. Then he seems to clam up and not care? My husband wants him to be able to "be a boy", as he was never allowed that growing up. But, quite obviously, he wants him to be careful of his sister and mother (and anyone else) even when he is playing a wilder game. I feel like he is struggling with a new phase in his life. "How do I relate to Mommy, now that I am not having "la-la" to stay connected?" How am I different than my sister? (She plays endlessly with dolls and is very "girly". He will play with her with dolls and loves the kitchen set. He also like to rough house - and so does she. They play Narnia a lot. She has read the books - he just plays along!) I just don't understand how such a compassionate child has gotten so rough and won't acknowledge when he hurts someone. Maybe I am expecting too much of him? I don't want to take away his fun with the wrestling with Daddy on the floor and playing with the knight costumes and sword. I would just like to help him learn when is an appropriate time to stop the make believe or tone it down. Does anyone else have boys who do this? Sometimes he seems to "attack" for attention (if I am busy, etc.) He also throws toys at his sister or hits her with things if he doesn't get his way. I guess there are two issues here - aggression in play and aggression when something doesn't go his way. He doesn't seem to be able to control it in either situation.