Gave up on potty training

[joyfulmomof2]

:banghead :bheart :hissyfit

My poor little ds has suffered long enough. I never meant to go 'there' - potty 'training' that is. I just wanted it to happen, but I felt like I missed a window about 6 months ago or something. But we were going through too much to do it then. So I started it about a month ago. Then I got pushier and pushier and he got more and more resistant and more and more whiny, etc. About 5 days ago, I asked him if he wanted a diaper and he said yes. But what damage did I do in the last month! :cry :bheart Why don't I ever listen to my heart until it is :bheart? I hate this. I knew better! :banghead I keep feeling so pressured to do such mainstream things all the time and I need to just stand up and protect my poor little ds. I know he will not be in diapers when he is 15, so why would I even worry about it. :shrug :hissyfit

[Mama Rophe]

:hugheart It's alright. I'm sure your ds knows you love him. Your intentions were good. I have gotten this way with ds also. We started EC around 13 months and there was a time in there that I got pretty impatient with him. I have laid off and now he even poos in the potty every once in a while. :tu When you ds is ready he will let you know. Just follow your mommy instincts.

[Irene]

:hugheart yes, he will let you know when he's ready. Dont let others pressure you :hug

[joyfulmomof2]

Thank you for your comforting words, ladies! :heart

I have made such an effort to try to take advantage of these last two weeks with ds since the c section was canceled that I feel like I have botched them up instead. Does that make sense? I should have just relaxed, but instead I have been pretty tense. And now the baby will be here soon and I won't be able to get this time back. :cry

[lavender mom]

Oh I know how you feel! :hug I had no intention of "training" either, and somehow found myself immersed in it. Like you, I realized that I needed to back off, but it was hard. I found that the littlest comments from my friends could make me feel totally inferior or incompetent because DS wasn't potty trained yet. You know what helped? Talking to "older" moms of boys. When I talked to moms of boys who were around DS age, we all had this sort of desperate competitiveness surrounding us (even though I'm sure none of us wanted to feel that way!) When I talked to my mentor mom at MOPS , whose boys are young teens, she was so encouraging! She remembered the frustration, but was really able to remind me that it was not the huge issue that it felt like to me at that point in time. She offered such perspective (as well as assurance that he really would potty train before he was 15! :yes) And DS did learn to use the potty, with almost no effort on my part. Trust your instincts!

[joyfulmomof2]

Thank you, Karen! That was very encouraging and reassuring. :heart

It does help. I told two of my friends who are older recently and they both said they were very glad to hear that I had backed off of potty training. :)

[milkmommy]

:yes :yes yup yup yup were there also. For what ever developmental reasons Cecilia is just not quite there she knows what to do as far as procedure she coaches me everytime I go potty :shifty but we have been taking her to the potty for months at least since the new year want to know how many times we've caught a pee?? Drum roll please............. NONE :jawdrop :giggle soo I've dropped it we still encourage her to try but if she says no then I just change her and drop it. For whatever reason shes not ready. she'll get their. I'm guessing so will your son.

Deanna

[joyfulmomof2]

Thanks, Deanna. It helps to know I am not alone. :) It sounds like they are very close in age as well. :)

[hsgbdmama]

With ds1, we wanted to be the 'our child was potty-trained at 18 mos!' parents. :blush :sad2 We were never ever punitive about it, but we quickly learned that if he's not ready, he's not ready and we need to respect that. We did have a few false starts, and were finally reassured by his dr who said that boys PT between 3 and 3.5. :shrug

We just backed off, and probably when he was around 3, we started just talking about it. No pressure, but more about going potty and poop in the toilet, and all the benefits of being PT (the biggest motivators for him was being able to go to Sunday School and VBS, for both they need to be PT :grin ), and he liked watching the Duke University "It's Potty Time" video that my mom had for my niece and nephew.

One morning, he woke up and said he wanted to go potty on the toilet. Just like that. So the first couple of days I put him in his "big boy underpants" and kept him in the rooms with linoleum, and worked with him to get to the toilet when he felt the need to go. Within three weeks he was completely PT, including night trained. :woohoo

:hug I guess my advice is to back off and just give him some time -- he'll get there. Like you said, he won't be in diapers when he's going for his driving test. ;)

[Radosny Matka]

:hug2 No harm done. He will do it when he's ready. My 1st pee trained himself at 3, and didn't poo train himself until 4-1/2.

[joyfulmomof2]

I am so glad to know that I am not the only one who went through these feelings and things. Thank you all for your stories and support. It means so much to me and is so comforting. Our days have been so much 'richer' without all of that pressure. Plus he has been asking to use the potty here and there and I offer it when we change diapers. Nothing consistent, but still encouraging that he isn't totally turned off by it. :)

[BornFreeBaby]

My dd is 2, and I have been pushing it on her too. I think that being very very pregnant and not wanting 2 in diapers is what set me up to be pushy about it as well. So now we go thru potty aversion days and pee pee in the potty days. Some days she tells me she has to go and other days she doesn't and won't go in the potty when I ask her. I just keep her in pull ups and diapers when we go out and at night, and I keep asking her if she needs to go.

I guess I'm just going with the flow now and trying not to make a big deal about it. I'm assuming that even if I did push it and she was PT'ed by the time the baby came, she may regress anyway. :shrug So don't worry!!

[joyfulmomof2]

Yeah, Therese, that is totally where I am with it too. Oh well, like Karen and Jodi said they won't be in diapers when in driver's training. :giggle

Ahem (as Bonbonne would say)...and if they are :shifty they can change themselves. :laughtears

[LauraK]

I was worried about potty learning when I was pregnant with #2 and my pediatrician said, don't bother! Save yourself the problem of regression.

SHe trained herself at about 2.5. Literally within a week she was only needing a diaper at night and I would put her in a diaper at naptime for awhile until I really trusted she would stay dry. I had to totally go against my instincts and just let her go when she had to go, she really can hold it an amazingly long while!! Now I do make her go potty before we go to places without toilets and before nap and bedtime but that is it.

I personally think it is best to wait until a new sibling is a bit older unless the child wants it or you have done EC all along and they are not used to going in a diaper.

[Maggie]

:hug2 ITU! DD is 3 years 9 months and has been peeing on the potty for quite some time, but still wants to poop in a diaper. We were strongly encouraging her to go on the potty, but have backed off lately b/c she seems to have some constipation issues. It really is a relief to not have that ension anymore! I want to just let her do it when she's ready, but her skin is so sensitive and gets so irritated. Poor thing. Not sure what to do. :neutral

:hug

[hbmamma]

I so understand! :hug

My Emma (litterally this month of February) (who is now 4y3mos) has decided to use the potty exclusively. She was using pull-ups and would occasionally use the potty or pee/poop in the pull-ups... We had pressured her at times, but it all boiled down to she had to make the decision. She just had no desire to do it. We even thought some healthy peer pressure would work, so when a little kid in her gymnastics class commented, "You wear diapers?!" Emma replied, "Yes, I do!!" So much for that. :scratch

She's always been a cold-turkey kind of gal...weaned at 7mos 1day - no more! (only from a cup). Big girl bed, never looked at the crib again. So I knew that she'd use the potty when she was ready. We made sure she knew how to use it and all, but I tell you it was more stressful for me than her. Fears that she'd be in pull-ups forever :shrug

We made certain things unobtainable (ie swimming lessons) until she was PT. And that certainly helped. We also allowed her to pick out her underwear, made it more special. She loves Dora and Cinderella so that's what we got. :grin

[joyfulmomof2]

Thanks for sharing, Lea. Those are great stories about your little one and are very encouraging and helpful to me. :) :hug