mudder17
02-16-2006, 07:20 PM
Hi Everyone,
This is my first post, I think, other than my introduction and I'm not sure whether I can be clear on this question, but I'll do my best. :)
My daughter hasn't had major discipline issues until now and generally, she is a social, happy girl who enjoys playing with her friends or interacting with people. Perhaps I should explain her general disposition and maybe it will help. She is an only child at the moment but we have been going to playgroups with the same 4-5 kids for quite a long time, plus she's become really good friends with a pair of twins from church. She's sees them 2-3 times a week (once on Sundays, once on Wednesday night for supper and then I try to bring her over to their house once a week in the mornings) and has been learning to interact with them as well. In general, when I take her to where there are kids, either the ones that she sees regularly or the ones she's only seen once or twice (like at the library), she tends to watch the other kids, and see what they are doing, and then she'll either go to a toy she wants to play with and play by herself or maybe with one other kid. So she likes interacting with people, but when there are a lot of them, I find she tends to entertain herself, every once in a while going to another room or a quieter place. If there are only a few kids around, she may go from one to another to "play" with them or interact with only one of them. She's learning to take turns right now (sharing is not an easy concept, but she seems to understand taking turns) and most of the time does pretty well. But I have also observed her taking toys away from other kids and often, they'll let her. Usually if I spot it and I can tell the other kid was not finished, I'll immediately go to her and say, "Kaya, Ian was playing with that; it's his turn. You'll have to wait until he's finished and it's your turn. But it's his turn right now," and I'll remove the toy from her hands and return it to him and then distract her with a different toy or hold her in my lap and talk to her about how she has to wait until he's done. She's mostly done pretty well this way. But yes, she can be grabby and I need to keep an eye out to make sure she's not just grabbing whatever she wants. The other thing she does is she loves to share food or drinks. For example, we had a bag of fish crackers for her and she went around giving a fish cracker or two to all her friends. One of them decided he wanted the bag, so he grabbed it from her hands. She let him, but then realized he was running off with it. I observed her chasing after him to get it back, but she couldn't get it back. At this point one of us adults intervened and removed the bag from his hands and told him it was Kaya's. We returned the bag to her and she promptly took one out of the bag and handed it to him and then went around sharing with her other friends. So when she has food, she likes to give it to others as well as eat them herself. With sippy cups or cups that have milk (she only drinks water out of her cup), she is fascinated by them and loves to hold them. Sometimes she'll grab them from someone and we have to return it or tell her to return it because they need their cup. In any case, she likes to collect discarded cups and then bring them to their proper owners (I'm amazed by her memory!) and get them to take it and actually take a drink. So sometimes she can be pushy about getting them to take the things she offers. I've been working on it with her to try getting her stop pushing if they don't want it and she's usually pretty good about it. As I've told my DH, she can be kind of bossy, but she also likes to make other people happy. It's just that her opinion of what may make them happy is not always the universal opinion. :think Kaya also loves interacting with adults and will go around saying "Hi, how are you?" to everyone and sometimes will even offer them her snacks, LOL.
A couple more things. She's still breastfed and we recently moved to a "before and after bed and nap time" nursing only. Before that she was sometimes nursing 6-10 times a day depending on the day. Yes, sometimes the nursing times were only for a minute, but still, it was a LOT. For my own sanity, I decided to reduce it to before and after bed and nap time and she has really done well. Even on some days when I have to be gone, and DH has had to put her to bed, she will sometimes only nurse once or twice on that day. So she's adjusted quite well and has only had a few times when she'll ask at a time in between. Usually saying, "wait until you go to sleep," and then distracting her with something works pretty well. Also, in the last month or so, we've noticed that she's been a bit more clingy to the both of us (DH works at home 2-3 x's a week so he's around a lot) and that when we drop her off at the church nursery, she will cry when we try to leave. Our friends tell us that as soon as we leave, all they have to do is distract her and she stops within a minute or two. So it's separation anxiety, but not too serious. I've read that it's pretty normal for ~2 year olds to have a new bout of separation anxiety, so I'm not too worried about this and know it will pass.
For minor discipline issues, such as we ask her not to do something, but she really wants to do it, distraction has usually worked very well for us. There have also been a few times when she broke into a tantrum for something or other and DH put her in her reading area/comfort area. Obviously, she was pretty upset, but I just went in there and held her and then brought out the books and talked to her in a soothing voice and she pretty quickly calmed down. So our version of a comfort corner seems to work for her tantrums over things she's not allowed to do but wants to do. After she calms down, it's pretty easy to help figure out what she CAN do and she's pretty happy with that.
Okay, so my real question (so, so, sorry for making this so long!) has to do with one of the behaviours we don't like and we're not quite sure how to handle it. Recently, she has been saying things like, "hit lambie (her lovey)," and she'll hit her lambie. We always say, "Don't hit lambie, that's not nice," or I'll pick up lambie and then say, "Lambie is crying because you hit him." Then I'll tell her what she should hit instead: the bed, the floor, the wall, etc. In the last couple days, she's just randomly (and not because she's mad) hit either DH or me. Sometimes she'll use her hands and sometimes if she has something in her hand (like a digital clock today), she'll hit us with it (ouch!). Our reaction has been immediate ("ouch, don't hit Mommy/Daddy! That hurt! Mommy/Daddy doesn't want to play with you anymore.") and we'll either pass her off to the other person or we'll just walk away saying we don't want to play with her because she was not nice. It's not yet a serious issue because she doesn't continue doing it and she hasn't (fortunately) hit anyone else (yet). But we want to stop it so that it doesn't turn into a serious issue. How can we teach her that hitting is not nice and it hurts other people? It's kind of difficult thing right now because for the most part she doesn't hit in anger, but mostly in fun. The other thing she has done before is pull on my hair (DH's hair is too short to pull) and again, I usually tell her to stop immediately and then walk away or tell her I don't want to play with her anymore. This is when she's doing it playfully. When she's done it in anger, I've just passed her off to DH (which may or may not be the best thing, but I want to remove the object of her interest--my hair--from her vicinity) and he's finished doing whatever it is I was doing (usually changing diapers or something like that) and then we'll let her alone for a little while. But yes, I guess along with the hitting, the pulling of hair would be something we'd want her to learn is unacceptable behavior.
If you've managed to read this whole thing, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I apologize that it's so long, but I wanted to include as much helpful information as I could.
Thanks!
Eileen
This is my first post, I think, other than my introduction and I'm not sure whether I can be clear on this question, but I'll do my best. :)
My daughter hasn't had major discipline issues until now and generally, she is a social, happy girl who enjoys playing with her friends or interacting with people. Perhaps I should explain her general disposition and maybe it will help. She is an only child at the moment but we have been going to playgroups with the same 4-5 kids for quite a long time, plus she's become really good friends with a pair of twins from church. She's sees them 2-3 times a week (once on Sundays, once on Wednesday night for supper and then I try to bring her over to their house once a week in the mornings) and has been learning to interact with them as well. In general, when I take her to where there are kids, either the ones that she sees regularly or the ones she's only seen once or twice (like at the library), she tends to watch the other kids, and see what they are doing, and then she'll either go to a toy she wants to play with and play by herself or maybe with one other kid. So she likes interacting with people, but when there are a lot of them, I find she tends to entertain herself, every once in a while going to another room or a quieter place. If there are only a few kids around, she may go from one to another to "play" with them or interact with only one of them. She's learning to take turns right now (sharing is not an easy concept, but she seems to understand taking turns) and most of the time does pretty well. But I have also observed her taking toys away from other kids and often, they'll let her. Usually if I spot it and I can tell the other kid was not finished, I'll immediately go to her and say, "Kaya, Ian was playing with that; it's his turn. You'll have to wait until he's finished and it's your turn. But it's his turn right now," and I'll remove the toy from her hands and return it to him and then distract her with a different toy or hold her in my lap and talk to her about how she has to wait until he's done. She's mostly done pretty well this way. But yes, she can be grabby and I need to keep an eye out to make sure she's not just grabbing whatever she wants. The other thing she does is she loves to share food or drinks. For example, we had a bag of fish crackers for her and she went around giving a fish cracker or two to all her friends. One of them decided he wanted the bag, so he grabbed it from her hands. She let him, but then realized he was running off with it. I observed her chasing after him to get it back, but she couldn't get it back. At this point one of us adults intervened and removed the bag from his hands and told him it was Kaya's. We returned the bag to her and she promptly took one out of the bag and handed it to him and then went around sharing with her other friends. So when she has food, she likes to give it to others as well as eat them herself. With sippy cups or cups that have milk (she only drinks water out of her cup), she is fascinated by them and loves to hold them. Sometimes she'll grab them from someone and we have to return it or tell her to return it because they need their cup. In any case, she likes to collect discarded cups and then bring them to their proper owners (I'm amazed by her memory!) and get them to take it and actually take a drink. So sometimes she can be pushy about getting them to take the things she offers. I've been working on it with her to try getting her stop pushing if they don't want it and she's usually pretty good about it. As I've told my DH, she can be kind of bossy, but she also likes to make other people happy. It's just that her opinion of what may make them happy is not always the universal opinion. :think Kaya also loves interacting with adults and will go around saying "Hi, how are you?" to everyone and sometimes will even offer them her snacks, LOL.
A couple more things. She's still breastfed and we recently moved to a "before and after bed and nap time" nursing only. Before that she was sometimes nursing 6-10 times a day depending on the day. Yes, sometimes the nursing times were only for a minute, but still, it was a LOT. For my own sanity, I decided to reduce it to before and after bed and nap time and she has really done well. Even on some days when I have to be gone, and DH has had to put her to bed, she will sometimes only nurse once or twice on that day. So she's adjusted quite well and has only had a few times when she'll ask at a time in between. Usually saying, "wait until you go to sleep," and then distracting her with something works pretty well. Also, in the last month or so, we've noticed that she's been a bit more clingy to the both of us (DH works at home 2-3 x's a week so he's around a lot) and that when we drop her off at the church nursery, she will cry when we try to leave. Our friends tell us that as soon as we leave, all they have to do is distract her and she stops within a minute or two. So it's separation anxiety, but not too serious. I've read that it's pretty normal for ~2 year olds to have a new bout of separation anxiety, so I'm not too worried about this and know it will pass.
For minor discipline issues, such as we ask her not to do something, but she really wants to do it, distraction has usually worked very well for us. There have also been a few times when she broke into a tantrum for something or other and DH put her in her reading area/comfort area. Obviously, she was pretty upset, but I just went in there and held her and then brought out the books and talked to her in a soothing voice and she pretty quickly calmed down. So our version of a comfort corner seems to work for her tantrums over things she's not allowed to do but wants to do. After she calms down, it's pretty easy to help figure out what she CAN do and she's pretty happy with that.
Okay, so my real question (so, so, sorry for making this so long!) has to do with one of the behaviours we don't like and we're not quite sure how to handle it. Recently, she has been saying things like, "hit lambie (her lovey)," and she'll hit her lambie. We always say, "Don't hit lambie, that's not nice," or I'll pick up lambie and then say, "Lambie is crying because you hit him." Then I'll tell her what she should hit instead: the bed, the floor, the wall, etc. In the last couple days, she's just randomly (and not because she's mad) hit either DH or me. Sometimes she'll use her hands and sometimes if she has something in her hand (like a digital clock today), she'll hit us with it (ouch!). Our reaction has been immediate ("ouch, don't hit Mommy/Daddy! That hurt! Mommy/Daddy doesn't want to play with you anymore.") and we'll either pass her off to the other person or we'll just walk away saying we don't want to play with her because she was not nice. It's not yet a serious issue because she doesn't continue doing it and she hasn't (fortunately) hit anyone else (yet). But we want to stop it so that it doesn't turn into a serious issue. How can we teach her that hitting is not nice and it hurts other people? It's kind of difficult thing right now because for the most part she doesn't hit in anger, but mostly in fun. The other thing she has done before is pull on my hair (DH's hair is too short to pull) and again, I usually tell her to stop immediately and then walk away or tell her I don't want to play with her anymore. This is when she's doing it playfully. When she's done it in anger, I've just passed her off to DH (which may or may not be the best thing, but I want to remove the object of her interest--my hair--from her vicinity) and he's finished doing whatever it is I was doing (usually changing diapers or something like that) and then we'll let her alone for a little while. But yes, I guess along with the hitting, the pulling of hair would be something we'd want her to learn is unacceptable behavior.
If you've managed to read this whole thing, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I apologize that it's so long, but I wanted to include as much helpful information as I could.
Thanks!
Eileen