My toddler hits!

[chellejd]

My 21 months old has started hitting and pushing in the past month. It's usually children his own age/size and not really done out of anger. It seems to be how he is trying to communicate "Hello!" or "I want to play!" with them. He's not super verbal yet, so I feel it is largely due to lack of appropriate communication skills. Although I know this I don't know how to deal with it most effectively. I strongly do not believe in spanking and time out is not effective with him (yet?). He has a new brother, but he does not do this to him or really in front of us - so I don't think it is much of an attention issue either. I am so sad over this I have cried. I know, I know -- one of the first of many issues to deal with - but my heart breaks because I don't want DS to be one of "those children." The one always in trouble with other people - you know? But even more than that is I want to help him through this. Any suggestions or insight? :cry2

[Cindy]

This is one of the situations where you need to look past the behavior (no matter how inappropriate) and see the heart. Be careful you don't make more of this behavior than it actually is. Is your ds trying to be mean or hurt others? I doubt it. Most likely he either thinks he is playing or is trying to communicate something. Either way what he is doing isn't "wrong" just inappropriate - and it certainly does not mean he is becoming a bully.

My son is a rough little boy who wrestles with his sister at home and does his share of pushing. When he is with other children I do remind him (sometimes firmly) that pushing is not allowed. Sometimes I have to remove him from the situation and sit him next to me. Other times, when appropriate, I try to give "words" to what he is trying to communicate. Our sons need to be taught, not punished, and it could take time before they get it. Soon they will begin to learn when rough play is not appropriate, and will find better ways of communicating. But for now they are behaving like very normal two year old boys, so don't feel threatened by this. ;)

[ArmsOfLove]

Well, I don't recommend time outs at all :) and this is very very normal toddler behavior. What he needs is supervision and for you to teach him other ways to say 'hi' or whatever. If he does hit someone then you can just apologize while you remove him and other parents will see that you are actively parenting, and when you can prevent it then do so. It can also be good to have him play with older children because they will be more verbal and more willing to set boundaries and move away from him. hth

[chellejd]

Thanks for the replies...love to hear more!

What do you also do when the hitting happens and you're not there? Like in class at church or Mom's Morning Out when others are exerting the discipline?

[Cindy]

What do you also do when the hitting happens and you're not there? Like in class at church or Mom's Morning Out when others are exerting the discipline?


Well with little kids the issue needs to be addressed immediately, or else you are punishing them when they have long since forgotten why. You could explain your concerns with the people responsible for him and tell them how you would like them to handle the problem.