Not sure I handled this right

[wombmate3]

:hug

Hi to everyone old and new. I haven't posted here in awhile because, well, I have sort of 'gotten' this GBD thing most of the time and because I am a very busy mama with a LOT on my plate! Anyway, a situation came up tonight that I don't feel that I handled well and I wanted to get insight into what others might have done differently.

DD is almost 2.5. She is very verbal, very very smart, and mostly a sweet and charming little girl. She also HATES to share, as any normal 2 year old does. Tonight DS, who is almost 4, had two cars that she wanted to play with. I asked him if he could please share them, and he agreed and gave her one :tu She promptly threw herself on the floor and had a fit because she wanted both. I told her calmly that she would not be getting both, it was kind of her brother to share, and then ignored her. After a bit, ds wandered out of the room with his car. She FOLLOWED him, still wailing, trying to get her way with him. I tried to distract her, but a call came in that I needed to take. A few moments later, when I ended the call, she came into the room with BOTH cars. I was about to take one back when ds came into the room and told me he had given her both to play with, because he didn't like to hear her so upset :-) :heart So sweet of him. So anyway, I thanked him for being so kind and loving, and told him I was proud of him for putting his sister's feelings above his own desires. I turned to dd and said "you need to thank your brother for being so kind". She refused, pouted, stomped her feet, pretended she couldn't hear me....basically she two year olded me. So I took the cars away and told her she could have them back when she said thank you to ds. She refused. I told her it was her choice to make. I caught her trying to sneak the cars. I gave her one more chance to say the appropriate thing (at this point, I have drawn a line in the sand so I can't very well just cave now). She refused. I took the cars away for the evening. I told her that she can have them tomorrow, and that we need to work on being more appriciative of others (something we are working on anyway).

Was I too harsh? I usually am more careful about picking my battles, but I have been noticing this trend with her lately to demand things and then manipulate the males in this house to give them to her, and then is totally ungrateful when they are handed over. I don't like where that is heading, even for a 2 year old. What do you think?

[wombmate3]

:hug

Hi to everyone old and new. I haven't posted here in awhile because, well, I have sort of 'gotten' this GBD thing most of the time and because I am a very busy mama with a LOT on my plate! Anyway, a situation came up tonight that I don't feel that I handled well and I wanted to get insight into what others might have done differently.

DD is almost 2.5. She is very verbal, very very smart, and mostly a sweet and charming little girl. She also HATES to share, as any normal 2 year old does. Tonight DS, who is almost 4, had two cars that she wanted to play with. I asked him if he could please share them, and he agreed and gave her one :tu She promptly threw herself on the floor and had a fit because she wanted both. I told her calmly that she would not be getting both, it was kind of her brother to share, and then ignored her. After a bit, ds wandered out of the room with his car. She FOLLOWED him, still wailing, trying to get her way with him. I tried to distract her, but a call came in that I needed to take. A few moments later, when I ended the call, she came into the room with BOTH cars. I was about to take one back when ds came into the room and told me he had given her both to play with, because he didn't like to hear her so upset :-) :heart So sweet of him. So anyway, I thanked him for being so kind and loving, and told him I was proud of him for putting his sister's feelings above his own desires. I turned to dd and said "you need to thank your brother for being so kind". She refused, pouted, stomped her feet, pretended she couldn't hear me....basically she two year olded me. So I took the cars away and told her she could have them back when she said thank you to ds. She refused. I told her it was her choice to make. I caught her trying to sneak the cars. I gave her one more chance to say the appropriate thing (at this point, I have drawn a line in the sand so I can't very well just cave now). She refused. I took the cars away for the evening. I told her that she can have them tomorrow, and that we need to work on being more appriciative of others (something we are working on anyway).

Was I too harsh? I usually am more careful about picking my battles, but I have been noticing this trend with her lately to demand things and then manipulate the males in this house to give them to her, and then is totally ungrateful when they are handed over. I don't like where that is heading, even for a 2 year old. What do you think?

[Mamatoto]

I would have stopped after modeling a thank you to your ds. She heard it, saw it, took it in, and will someday be able to express her own heartfelt thanks. Maybe not at two but definitely by 4 or 5. :-)

[Mamatoto]

I would have stopped after modeling a thank you to your ds. She heard it, saw it, took it in, and will someday be able to express her own heartfelt thanks. Maybe not at two but definitely by 4 or 5. :-)

[ArmsOfLove]

Yeah, with two I'd have modelled and encouraged a thank you but not pushed it at 2. I understand your concerns with seeing the wrap around the pinkie thing. My dd had that ability too ;) But she's 6 and doesn't do that anymore :) I think that her refusal to say thank you may have been more about still having stressful big feelings than being unappreciative. I might have prompted her with more specific questions, "Are you glad now that your brother has shared with you? That was kind of him. Did you let him know you appreciate it? One way to do that is to say 'thank you'". I'm sure you've taught this, but reminders in the moment are sometimes better received. Just some thoughts.

I don't think you did anything wrong, though. :shrug

[ArmsOfLove]

Yeah, with two I'd have modelled and encouraged a thank you but not pushed it at 2. I understand your concerns with seeing the wrap around the pinkie thing. My dd had that ability too ;) But she's 6 and doesn't do that anymore :) I think that her refusal to say thank you may have been more about still having stressful big feelings than being unappreciative. I might have prompted her with more specific questions, "Are you glad now that your brother has shared with you? That was kind of him. Did you let him know you appreciate it? One way to do that is to say 'thank you'". I'm sure you've taught this, but reminders in the moment are sometimes better received. Just some thoughts.

I don't think you did anything wrong, though. :shrug

[wombmate3]

Yeah, with two I'd have modelled and encouraged a thank you but not pushed it at 2. I understand your concerns with seeing the wrap around the pinkie thing. My dd had that ability too ;) But she's 6 and doesn't do that anymore :) I think that her refusal to say thank you may have been more about still having stressful big feelings than being unappreciative. I might have prompted her with more specific questions, "Are you glad now that your brother has shared with you? That was kind of him. Did you let him know you appreciate it? One way to do that is to say 'thank you'". I'm sure you've taught this, but reminders in the moment are sometimes better received. Just some thoughts.

I don't think you did anything wrong, though. :shrug


:grouphug

Thanks ladies! I just knew something about that didn't feel right. She is actually very good about saying please and thank you MUCH of the time (maybe I am the one being unappriciative and mirroring that onto her?). I felt yucky about how the situation went down. You know, after your big feelings comment Crystal, it occured to me that I praised ds big time right in front of her for being so generous. I didn't think about how that might have made her feel (small and mean is my guess). I am almost positive that's why she refused to say thank you! I KNOW someone told me raising kids was going to be easy....now if I could just remember who it was and get my hands on them..... ;)

[wombmate3]

Yeah, with two I'd have modelled and encouraged a thank you but not pushed it at 2. I understand your concerns with seeing the wrap around the pinkie thing. My dd had that ability too ;) But she's 6 and doesn't do that anymore :) I think that her refusal to say thank you may have been more about still having stressful big feelings than being unappreciative. I might have prompted her with more specific questions, "Are you glad now that your brother has shared with you? That was kind of him. Did you let him know you appreciate it? One way to do that is to say 'thank you'". I'm sure you've taught this, but reminders in the moment are sometimes better received. Just some thoughts.

I don't think you did anything wrong, though. :shrug


:grouphug

Thanks ladies! I just knew something about that didn't feel right. She is actually very good about saying please and thank you MUCH of the time (maybe I am the one being unappriciative and mirroring that onto her?). I felt yucky about how the situation went down. You know, after your big feelings comment Crystal, it occured to me that I praised ds big time right in front of her for being so generous. I didn't think about how that might have made her feel (small and mean is my guess). I am almost positive that's why she refused to say thank you! I KNOW someone told me raising kids was going to be easy....now if I could just remember who it was and get my hands on them..... ;)