Help I dont think im doing this right

[Lantern Light Mama]

My DS four now talks all the time. He talks and talks and talks and drives me mad. I ask him to please be quiet so his dad and I can talk but it only last a minute. He talks to everyone he meets. He talks from morning till night. I just dont know how to handle this.
Its really funny because my DH and I are very shy people IRL!

And I feel like I dont know how to handle this. I find myself getting angry when I cant get a word in edge-wise or even think. Or when the baby is crying and hes talking constantly.

How should I handle this?

Weve been asking him to please be quiet and allow us to talk but its not working. Sometimes I find myself extremely annoyed.

Is this typical 4 yr behavior? Is it unrealistic to expect him to be quiet sometimes when we are in the car and he in the back talking about whatever pops into his head when his dad and I are trying to talk?

[Cheyenne]

:popcorn My 8 yr old son still does this.

[Munchkingirl]

Unfortunatly I am new to the GBD so I don't have alot of advice for you on this, but I wanted to let you know that I understand what you are going through. My ds1 (9 now) has always been a talker...He's talking to me right now as I write this :D.I thought I had had a girl he talked so much, even when playing with trucks or dinos. It was, "...and this dino was goin over here to take drink and this one was trying to reach the top of the trees, when all of a sudden this giant dino crashed through the trees...." and on and on and on. I thought I was going to go crazy at times too. I think for some it is very typical behavior, but since you are more reserved it may seem out of line. I would say that it is not unreasonable to teach quiet times, it is something he will need to learn as he gets older and especially if you will be sending him to school later. I actually still have to help ds1 gain control over his talking too much. Time and place for everything. In the car have you tried giving him something that would engross him and say that this is his special time to stay quiet; play with this or read and after 5min, 10min, 15 min (start small-for a talker 5 min is a long time to keep quiet) he can tell you all about it at the end of the time. Let him know that after the time is up you will listen and talk to him all about it. Usually after I took specific time with him and he knew he had my attention, I could say "okay, now mommy needs some quiet time for a few minutes", and it helped a little (well, enough that I could think or regain strength for the next bout of conversation. I don't know it might help.

[Katherine]

Is this typical 4 yr behavior?

I think it has less to do with age and more to do with personality. My son is exactly like what you're describing. Sometimes it's like he is physically, literally UNABLE to cease making noise. If we get him to stop talking, he shifts into singing, humming, or making one of a million different mouth noises... and I swear, sometimes, he doesn't even realize he's doing it. Even when his mouth is full of food, he makes a humming motor-like sound--he's done it since he was 4 months old. :shrug

And I feel like I dont know how to handle this. I find myself getting angry when I cant get a word in edge-wise or even think. Or when the baby is crying and hes talking constantly.

How should I handle this?

I wish I could give you some magic solution. I *so* understand the frustration. I'm a fairly quiet, introverted person, and can be a bit noise-sensitive, so there are days when I'm just :hissyfit :banghead. I can tell you my tolerance for noise has grown quite a bit. :shifty Are there ANY activities he does that quiet him? A couple of things that have helped me survivie:

1) Give him something to listen to. If there's something going on that he really WANTS to hear, he's gonna have to stop talking at least temporarily. :O My ds really loves computer games (educational stuff like jumpstart kindergarten) and dh got him some headphones that plug into the computer so he can sit and play and the sound is channeled straight to him. I try not to use the computer as a babysitter. I make a point of watching and participating with him at least some of the time, but--if I really need it--it's the one thing that (usually) gives my ears a break. :O

2) Meaningful noise is better than random chatter. Put some music on and sing with him... carry on a conversation as often as you can manage it. Have him tell you a story. Play "I spy" while you nurse the baby. It sounds to me like you have a very extroverted, verbal child who tries to connect with the world (and with you) by talking... so make use of that. I know the temptation, when you're feeling overwhelmed with the noise, is to tune out and try to hear yourself think or to enforce some sort of silence, but I've found that the more I engage with ds and help him to "structure" his noise, the easier it is to tolerate. Plus, when I've really been making the effort to stay connected to him, I feel more confident and comfortable that he will be ok if/when I need to take an enforced break from the noise.

3)Teach, teach, teach. Kids don't always "get" that people are all different, and that Mommy might process things differently than he does, or may need different things than he does. Explain how you feel and think in terms he can understand, and ask for what you need.

Mommy's ears need a break from noise for a few minutes. You may play in your room if you want to make noise, or read quietly if you are going to stay in my room----no talking out loud.

Teach him how to take turns when he's wanting to interrupt. "It's Daddy's turn to talk. When he finishes his story, you can have a turn talking, then Mommy will take a turn."

Try to help him "hear himself." If he's talking very loudly, use an extra quiet voice with him to show him the contrast, and make a game out of practicing different volume levels.

Sometimes, in our case, his constant noise is just sheer energy that has no other outlet and pours out of his mouth in verbalizations of every kind. Those are the times he needs something physical to do. If he's bored, he'll talk more and more... louder and louder.. just to get someone's attention or engage us in any type of interaction. We are learning to have more structured days to stave off the boredom-induced crazies. :) That allows me to make sure he gets enough activity AND allows me to incorporate some set times/activities that give him the interaction he craves and me the occasional quiet I need.

:hug

[mommy2abigail]

:tu Thanks for that advice! I sit for a little girl who talks 'all the day long' as she puts it. While I'm not really bothered by it, (it's actually pretty funny to me!) there are times I try to talk to another adult that would be nice if there was some quiet. We try to get her to say 'excuse me' if she needs to interrupt, but that's kind of back fired because now she just says 'excuse me' like fifty times! :rolleyesShe's only 2.5, so I don't even know if she's capable of waiting very long to speak...Like I said, it doesn't really bother me (perhaps since I get to send her home at the end of the day!) I second giving your dc something to do in the car, I love the magna doodle thing (you know, where they wrie on the board with the magnet pen thing and then push the lever over and erase it)

[Munchkingirl]

Ohh, yeah what Palil said. I guess I still need to learn how to tune into ds1. Even though we have learned that structured play helps, I still tune him out sometimes. There is only so much I can hear about Bionicals without :rolleyes. Great advice.

[MaiMama]

Well, I'm the talker in my family, and it probably would have been nice if I had been responded to and coached the way y'all are suggesting. I think sometimes we do it because we really crave the attention, and by giving us what we need, we might be able to back off a little. Having guidance on the backing off is nice, too: "let me help you be quite," not "get out of my hair." Just the opinion of an adult motor mouth. :shrug :mrgreen

[ArmsOfLove]

Everything Palil said and then I have to set very firm boundaries with my talker. I told Liam that I have lots of words but he has even more and he agreed :grin Two phrases I use with him: "I will listen to one more thing about _____ and then I am done. Tell me the most important thing." And when he's told me then I remind him I'm done, thank him for sharing with me and walk away if necessary telling him he can keep talking to himself but I am done. and "I need my brain right now, stop talking." This is for times like when I'm driving or writing a check and he's sharing with me :shifty If necessary I assure him I will listen when I'm done.

hth

[Mamatoto]

I also need to set boundaries because not only does dd talk she wants me to talk back and asks me questions incessantly. So I need to tell her when I need to think and drive. :grin Recently I have found that calming Storytelling CD's are wonderful although she still talks I tell her I am listening to the story and can't talk back. :giggle So it helps her to listen, too. I also tell stories in the car, use less words with her modeling to her that we don't always need to talk as we do, like in making clay things, and such. She is talking in my ear as I write this so if it doesn't make sense you know why. :laughtears

[Katherine]

"I need my brain right now, stop talking."

:laughtears I love it!

Yes, I also have to tell ds to stop talking... that Mommy needs to concentrate while I drive.. (which usually results in him repeating what I said as a question... so then I start giving a driving lesson. After all, I can still concentrate a little when *I'm* talking :P~ )

To buy myself a few seconds of silence, I also sometimes use a dramatic... "LISTEN to *that*.... !!" ( a bird, or whatever I can find that seems interesting) or even just a "Shhhh....!" or "WAIT...." so I can finish a thought. If my body language catches his attention and I seem focused on something, he'll usually stop for minute.

Storytelling CDs are a great idea for the car! :tu I'll have to look for some. We received some fairytale books on tape once as a gift, but the narrator was HORRIBLE! :hunh

[Mamatoto]

We have the Princess Stories one from Magic Cabin. I want to get more now! We put it on around three and I lay down on the couch and nurse or rest and we're all quiet. Today I laid down while dh took ds with him to get my anti for mastitis. Dd was playing and when I woke up she had put on the CD...I guess she associates mommy laying down with the CD now and it keeps her mind busy while I rest. Sigh..wonderful relief. Not that she doesn't talk to me as try to fall asleep or while I am sleeping!!! :giggle