deciding what is important...

[Cindy]

I often find myself in a situation where I initially tell my kids "no" then when they proceed to do it anyways decide "well I guess it isn't a big deal..." I feel that by allowing something that I prohibited a moment ago, I discredit myself and leave the kids doubting me when I say "no" to the next thing. If I could just take a moment before saying that "no" to decide whether this was really an issue that needs enforcing maybe my kids wouldn't get such mixed messages. Does anybody else struggle with this? How have you solved the problem?

[Quietspirit]

I had the same problem! What I've done is train myself ;) to wait and consider the request and then answer.

Sometimes, rarely, with my older children (age 6 and up), I will say "You know...mommy said "no" too soon. I need to re-think that request." And then I will change my mind. But I only do that if there's been no whining...only perhaps an upset "but mom":(

[DogwoodMama]

:yes I do this all the time. It's really hard, I feel wishy-washy sometimes. This is a new problem for me, I used to be much more clear about boundaries and yes/no... I think it is because dd is becoming more independent and we are going through a transition of sorts? :shrug

[jujubnme]

:popcorn Yep. I struggle with that a lot.

[mommy2abigail]

I think most everyone struggles with this! I still have the mindset that I must control everything my dd does, and no matter what she needs/wants, I must show her I'm the one in charge and that means controlling the stupidest little things. (unfortunately I read too many 'Christian' parenting books :no2) I really struggle with this, but the thing that I found that helps is to answer everything with 'Let me think about it'. I mean everything! I figure it can't hurt any to ask for some thinking time, not only do I really think about why I would say no, but it teaches my dd to do the same when making decisions, instead of just jumping into things. Also, since I have that old mindset that children must learn 'delayed gratifacation'( :rolleyes), this solves that problem too. They learn to wait for a few seconds while I'm thinking!

[ArmsOfLove]

I do what Quietspirit does--both the trying to take a moment (and I have to tell them to give me that moment because if they try and pressure me I tend to say no just to make a decision :shifty And if I speak rashly then I take responsibility for that and model for my children how to change your mind without being weak. I acknowledge that I didn't think it through and that, now that I have, I've decided that my real answer will be . . . And when I'm not going to change my mind I make that known without doubt. "That is my final answer and I'm done discussing it." They know that I mean it and this has not resulted in lots of whining or begging or a problem with this :grin