2 year old and "possessive" behavior

[Cindy]

I need advice on how to handle my toddler's possessive behavior. He not only won't share toys, but if another child (like his sister) has a toy he will take it. If the child lets him have it and finds something else, he will drop the toy he had just taken and try to take the next one. It is as if he only wants what other people have. Another (and bigger) problem is he doesn't want to share me at all. If I am holding him and Sarah climbs into my lap - or even comes to stand next to me, or even sit on the couch beside the chair - he will cry and try to push her away. The other night I was sitting on his bed reading a story when his sister climbed up to listen and he threw a fit. He is very emotional and prone to meltdowns when things don't go his way. I have tried holding him when he is trying to grab toys and explaining "_____ is playing with that right now, you can have ___" or blocking him when he is trying to push his sister away and explaining that she can sit with us too. He of course kicks and screams and usually ends up doing his thing on the floor :shrug

We also have another baby on the way, and he will have to share not only my lap, but his "nana"... How can I solve this problem gracefully?

[Joanne]

Routine and predictability.

He sounds like an intense young man who needs to have firm, strong and predictable boundaries. Developing a routine for play, games, snuggles and interaction. Do the same things, in the same order, each day.

I have some related writings on my blog:(also check the links on this entry)

http://morejo.blog-city.com/being_a_hard__mom.htm

[Cindy]

Thank you, Joanne. I have read your entry and am about to check out the links. My son is definitely a different child than my daughter. She responds well to gentle and "loving" direction, but I do think he is going to need a firmer approach. I am definitely interested in learning how to apply this firmness in the context of GBD.

[Quietspirit]

My eldest was very much like that. He is almost 11 and I am still helped by re-reading Joanne's blog entries. ;) He is a terrific, compliant but INTENSE young man. :)

[Cindy]

Okay, I have read most of the links to this particular entry. I like Joanne's philosophy, it makes a lot of sense. What I need to know is what this would look like applied to my situation. What do such "structured routines" look like? How can I apply structure in a home where schedules change from day to day?

[Quietspirit]

With my son at that age, I really had to rethink my days. I made our days fit to a routine and what didn't fit, I evaluated it's importance. If it was important, then we just made do and did it. If it wasn't truly important, we either dropped it or made it fit our routine.

We had a general "flow" to the day:

Wake up
Dress
Breakfast
Play
Story
Errands or Library time on Tues/Thurs
Lunch
Book
Nap
Play (outside if possible
Video while I made dinner
Dinner
Daddy time
Bath
Bed

Naptime and Bedtime had routines (Bath, Pj's, story, prayer, lights out)

It sounds really rigid but it wasn't. It was more an ordering of the day and consistent. I took a lot of the routine from his cues. He was a fairly ordered child in terms of liking consistency and sameness.

We do much the same thing now but with more activities/homeschooling/etc.

[Cindy]

Okay so a basic routine for our day may be possible here. I have struggled with trying to manage Elijah while bringing his sister to her activities. We have had some very difficult days at the ice rink where leaving simply wasn't an option. Most of the time I try to schedule these things when I can either have dh bring Sarah or stay home with Elijah...

But I feel this is a seperate issue - am I wrong? I may just be dense here, but I don't see how organizing a routine for our days will help with his social interactions :shrug