Heather Micaela
02-07-2006, 03:53 PM
It doesn't work!
I understand punishment in a civil sense for those adults who cannot/will not change. But we should really stop calling prisons "correctional" faciclities. They are a last stop for those whose presence in society endagers others.
But, it is different with children. Many really think that inficting pain (either physical or emotional) will deter a child from bad behavior. I was one of them :blush
But I was re-thinking my childhood and teen years. I remember knowing I messed up -somtimes not even deliberately and fearing punishment. But then a freind asked me - what is the worse they can do to you? And that became my defense. "So what if I get home after the street lights are on, the worst they can do is yell at me and not let me watch Tv. I will have time to read then." "So what if I lost my retainer again? I will tune them out when called responsible and i can endure being grounded." It all became a test of my endurance and if the "Crime" was worth getting punished.
Don't get me wrong, I was a goody-two shoes, but it was more due to my desire to be accepted that a result of any punishment. Besides, I was pushished for honest mistakes and accidents. It kind of makes you ambivalent to punishment.
I have a friend who will ask thier child if their behavior is "worth" a spanking. But what if they say yes? What do you do then?
It is better to teach and explain the reasons behind the behavior. "We need you home by the time the street lights come on because it is not safe to be out after dark." Otherwise it is all about trying not to get caught and enduring the punishment if you do.
In a grown up example. "It is ok if I speed, there are no cops around, and who cares if i do get caught? - I just got my tax refund and can afford to pay. Traffic school will keep my record clean." Sure, the ticket is a *bit* of a deterrant, but most of the peole obey traffic laws for safety reasons. The ones that don't are always on the lookout for highway patrol and have police scanners. They are the ones going 90 and swerving in and out of traffic.
I hope that I will have a constant dialogue with my kids andshow them *why* to behave - not just make them fear being caught.
I understand punishment in a civil sense for those adults who cannot/will not change. But we should really stop calling prisons "correctional" faciclities. They are a last stop for those whose presence in society endagers others.
But, it is different with children. Many really think that inficting pain (either physical or emotional) will deter a child from bad behavior. I was one of them :blush
But I was re-thinking my childhood and teen years. I remember knowing I messed up -somtimes not even deliberately and fearing punishment. But then a freind asked me - what is the worse they can do to you? And that became my defense. "So what if I get home after the street lights are on, the worst they can do is yell at me and not let me watch Tv. I will have time to read then." "So what if I lost my retainer again? I will tune them out when called responsible and i can endure being grounded." It all became a test of my endurance and if the "Crime" was worth getting punished.
Don't get me wrong, I was a goody-two shoes, but it was more due to my desire to be accepted that a result of any punishment. Besides, I was pushished for honest mistakes and accidents. It kind of makes you ambivalent to punishment.
I have a friend who will ask thier child if their behavior is "worth" a spanking. But what if they say yes? What do you do then?
It is better to teach and explain the reasons behind the behavior. "We need you home by the time the street lights come on because it is not safe to be out after dark." Otherwise it is all about trying not to get caught and enduring the punishment if you do.
In a grown up example. "It is ok if I speed, there are no cops around, and who cares if i do get caught? - I just got my tax refund and can afford to pay. Traffic school will keep my record clean." Sure, the ticket is a *bit* of a deterrant, but most of the peole obey traffic laws for safety reasons. The ones that don't are always on the lookout for highway patrol and have police scanners. They are the ones going 90 and swerving in and out of traffic.
I hope that I will have a constant dialogue with my kids andshow them *why* to behave - not just make them fear being caught.