hitting/kicking...again

[sarahtar]

ALright, since I last posted on this subject, DS is still hitting/kicking us for furn.

It's like a game. He does it when he doesn't think he's getting the attention he deserves. While we're teaching class (we teach dance classes) or when it's time to go to sleep. He walks up and hits me, or he'll kick DH when he (DH) is trying to go to sleep in bed (and while I'm trying to nurse DS to sleep but he feels he should play more).

Sometimes he also hits and kicks DH just at seeming random.

We've been saying no hitting, hitting hurts. We offer him things - FUN things - he CAN hit or kick. We're making sure he's getting enough active activity during the day. If the no hitting combined with offering something he can hit doesn't work, we usually get up and leave the room, explaining "I don't like to be hit. Hitting hurts. I'm going to go in the kitchen and we'll try reading (or playing or stacking blocks or whatever we're doing) again in a minute."

But it seems like it's just getting worse.

I do NOT want him to hit us. or kick us. Especially kicking daddy in the head in bed while daddy - who goes to work early and needs to sleep - is trying to sleep!

We're to the point where we're wondering if we should just spank him, but neither of us wants to and we both recognize how silly it is to hit someone as punishment for hitting.

[fancifulfrog]

Yeah, I agree hitting him for hitting is not going to make sense to him at all. Is your DS verbal? I haven't caught his age.

[fancifulfrog]

Ah, I see in your sig he's nearly two. Can he communicate as to why he might be doing this? Aggression is fairly normal in younger DC. It could pass. My nephew went through this and we later found out he has ADHD. Not trying to alarm you but that is what I know of a similar situation. I am not saying this always happens.

[OpalsMom]

Hmmm. I guess I would try moving faster to consequences. If explanations and second chances aren't doing it, we go to saying it and enforcing it at the same time. So the first time he hits, you say "You may not hit me. Hitting hurts," and either leave or remove him. You can explain an alternative while you're removing him. DD mostly sleeps in her own bed, so it's very straightforward if she purposefully kicks DH in our bed; nursing or not, she's done and she's out of our bed. I don't know what we'd do if she slept full time in our bed. We've had a couple rounds where violent behavior didn't yield to "You may not X. X hurts. You may <suitable alternative>" with second chances, and it's always meant that either <suitable alternative> wasn't suitable from her point of view, or she needed a firmer boundary. She's a pretty firm boundary kid. Second chances aren't usually a good idea for her. Once we moved to taking immediate action, she stopped after one or maximum two tries.

I don't know if it's just because it's what I do, or it makes a difference for another reason, but "You may not X" (when I say it) works much better for DD than "I don't like X" (when SIL says it). I don't like "I don't like X" because it seems indirect to me ('cause when I use it in sentences like this it's just an opinion). Also, I'm afraid that when she's hitting me already she's going to think "Good! I was trying to make you unhappy!" And I find it much easier to say "You may not X" in a good, firm, commanding voice (I know that's a downside for some kids, but it works for DD).

[Radosny Matka]

He might just be needing lots of physical contact and an outlet for all of that energy. Do you ever rough-house or wrestle with him? My son is much less physical when we get some rough-housing time in every day. If you haven't read it, I recommend Playful Parenting (book). It has a great section on wrestling with your children.

[messiahsmisfit]

:popcorn my dd ( turning 2 next month) is also hitting, and pinching and biting her friends and sister. She doiesn't do it to me or dh. I'm kinda at my wits end. I really don't know what to do. When I tell her not to do it, she just smiles and goes over and gives whomever it is a hug and the next moment she's doing it again.
sorry don't mean to steal the thread just I really relate at being frustrated. So :popcorn to see what is suggested.

[sarahtar]

Ah, I see in your sig he's nearly two. Can he communicate as to why he might be doing this? Aggression is fairly normal in younger DC. It could pass. My nephew went through this and we later found out he has ADHD. Not trying to alarm you but that is what I know of a similar situation. I am not saying this always happens.


Um... He says one-word sentances using a very small vocabulary mostly limited to nouns. He can sign multi-word sentances but nothing too complex. "Crab Sleep" or "More Cracker" type stuff. (We have hermit crabs, and when they're hidign in their shells, he thinks they're sleeping.)

[sarahtar]

Hmmm. I guess I would try moving faster to consequences. Hm. Maybe he doesn't take us seriously because we don't do much about it until we've talked about it a lot, yk? I'll try moving straight to a consequence.

I don't know if it's just because it's what I do, or it makes a difference for another reason, but "You may not X" (when I say it) works much better for DD than "I don't like X" (when SIL says it). I don't like "I don't like X" because it seems indirect to me ('cause when I use it in sentences like this it's just an opinion). Also, I'm afraid that when she's hitting me already she's going to think "Good! I was trying to make you unhappy!"


I only say "I don't like" when I'm going to be leaving. Because that is why I'm leaving. Because I don't like to be hit. We're trying to make the point that people don't like to be hit. Generally, I agree, I don't like saying "I dont' like" because, ultimately, it doesn't matter what I like or don't like.

[sarahtar]

He might just be needing lots of physical contact and an outlet for all of that energy. Do you ever rough-house or wrestle with him? My son is much less physical when we get some rough-housing time in every day. If you haven't read it, I recommend Playful Parenting (book). It has a great section on wrestling with your children.


We do roughhouse. I don't so much, though I have been lately. DH wrestles with him nightly, and that only seems to make it worse. He wants to prolong the play, despite DH's best efforts to bring it to a conclusion, and so to provoke DH into wrestling more, he pushes him or kicks him or hits him.

[OpalsMom]

I only say "I don't like" when I'm going to be leaving. Because that is why I'm leaving. Because I don't like to be hit. We're trying to make the point that people don't like to be hit. Generally, I agree, I don't like saying "I dont' like" because, ultimately, it doesn't matter what I like or don't like.


That makes sense; I feel much the same way.

[OpalsMom]

I only say "I don't like" when I'm going to be leaving. Because that is why I'm leaving. Because I don't like to be hit. We're trying to make the point that people don't like to be hit. Generally, I agree, I don't like saying "I dont' like" because, ultimately, it doesn't matter what I like or don't like.


That makes sense; I feel much the same way.