Other people's children

[This Busy Mom]

I'm not sure what to do about my dh's niece. She is 7, and really likes my 17 mo old dd. She's what I'd consider to be a very sheltered homeschooled only child, so she gets very excited when she sees my kids. Her mom is very punitive. We don't see them very often anymore, but she and her mom live with my inlaws. My inlaws often will bring her with them when they visit us.

Anyways, she is constantly putting her hands in and on my toddler's face (or has her face an inch away from my dd's) whenever she is around her. My toddler doesn't like it. I'm constantly telling her to "please don't touch her face" and "you need to back up and give her some space." I feel like I've told her over 100 times, but it doesn't seem to "sink in". Should I point it out to my inlaws and her mom that it's an issue? There's tension between her mom and I, so I'm not sure how to approach it.

[mommy2abigail]

You may have already done this, but how about teaching her some things that would be appropriate to do with your dd? Maybe if she is so sheltered, she just doesn't know that what she is doing is annoying, or doesn't really know what she can do with your dd? Suggest a game or something like "how about you show __ how to build a fort with these blocks?" And if she continues to bother her, after you've shown her what to do and asked her not to put her hands in her face, maybe say, "ok __ doesn't like that, since you are having a hard time remembering, I'm going to have to ask you do play over here until you feel you can play with __ without putting your hands in her face" Doesn't have to soaund harsh, just matter of fact. i dont' know if some would consider that punative, but I'm not suggesting a time out or something like that, just seperate play space...HTH...

[sarahtar]

My 9YO and 8YO nieces are the same way with my DS, and they're not homeschooled or sheltered at all. They just cannot leave him alone. All I ever say to thim any more is "put him down." "Don't get so close." "Back up please." "leave him alone please." "Don't get so close" "he doesn't want to play that game right now." "put him down." "I said put him down." "I said put him down." "Wally doesn't like it when you ____" "Put him down please."

lol. Suggesting activities doesn't really work because they don't understand child development enough. I mean, we've tried - hey, I bet Wally would like to stack blocks with you! and it ends in disaster because they don't want him to touch the blocks they've stacked, and they grab toys out of his hands, and they get mad when he "ruins" their stack, etc. I don't have the energy to sit there and intervene with everything and I end up feeling like a nag. "Let him have that block" "don't grab things out of his hands, please." "it's ok if he knocks that down." "he's just a little kid, he's not yet able to ___" Coloring is the same way. Even sitting them together to watch a movie doesn't work because they still can't just leave him alone. THey want him to sit on their lap. They want him to sit still. They want him to sit in one particular spot. They want to put their face next to his and wave.

They're very hyper around him, and he gets hyper in return, and it just makes the whole situation worse. And their mom thinks I'm being silly because if he had siblings he'd have to learn how to deal with stuff like this.

So I guess I have no suggestions, but I don't think it's necessarily related to her being Hs or sheltered.

[Soliloquy]

Wow. That sounds very annoying. Maybe when these older kids come over you could engage them in an activity with you or doing something that you toddler can't do in another room? Other than that, I don't know what I'd do other than really limit the visits.

[This Busy Mom]

All I ever say to thim any more is "put him down." "Don't get so close." "Back up please." "leave him alone please." "Don't get so close" "he doesn't want to play that game right now." "put him down." "I said put him down." "I said put him down." "Wally doesn't like it when you ____" "Put him down please."


That's about where we are, too... it's irritating. I wrote another post & lost it... and lost it again so maybe I'm not supposed to post it.

There's ongoing issues with my SIL... and I don't feel comfortable at all with my kids being around her dd because my SIL's leveled some fairly serious false accusations at my ds (I actually feel bad for her that she's hs'ed... and my kids are, too). I think I just need to limit visiting with my inlaws until my SIL gets moved out of her parents (if that ever happens).