he's started saying he wants to hurt us

[Sandollar]

Wow, I'm posting a lot today, its been a rough couple days. Anyway, yesterday, ds1 wanted me to get him a drink when we got home, ok sure, well he wanted me to leave ds2 in the car and go get his drink first, umm no. So then he starts getting angry and he says, " I'm going to cut your head open" :jawdrop I was shocked, he has never said anything like that before and I told him he can be angry and say hes angry at me but we dont say that we are going to hurt someone ever, I said this in a pretty firm voice so maybe it was too firm? then this morning he saysHe wanted to kill and hurt ds2, so I told him the same thing more gently. I dont know where he got this from, I hate to say school but maybe, he doesnt watch violent shows and I dont think he gets the severity and meaning of what he's saying. How do i handle this it totally freaked me out!

[MarynMunchkins]

Doug says things like this frequently, and it's something we're addressing in therapy. I can't tell you if it's "normal" or not, but I can tell you how we deal with it. :hug

I realize that when he gets angry, he really *does* want to hurt people. So I tell him, "You look angry. Your hands are clenched and your eyebrows are furrowed. I hear you saying that you want to hurt someone. You sound really upset."

Usually, he'll confirm that he's angry. ;)

Then I say, "Sometimes when I get angry, I want to hurt people too. But I don't, because God says that love is kind and I love you. So instead, I say 'I'm really angry and I need some time alone', and I go take a break. Do you want to take a break to calm down?"

If he continues trying to hurt people after that, I employ the bear hug or move the rest of us into a safe place.

hth. :hug

[Sandollar]

Thank you Mary you are always so helpful! He hasnt tried to hurt us he just says it. I reflect feelings it makes him more mad :shrug I have told him most people feel that way sometimes but we dont do it because we love each other, I havent followed thru with showing him what to do instead, take a break like you said, be alone. I have been meaning to set up a comfort corner but have been afraid I'll use it as time out but I think when dh gets home we'll go out just the two of us and get some comfort corner stuff and have some one on one time. I think the comfort corner might help, he usually doesnt like to go to his room to calm down he feels too isolated i guess!
Thank you again, you answer my posts a lot with lots of good advice! :tu